Need a gentle solution

[swd12422]

My son is 2 and sometimes (less than 2x in any given week, often once or not at all in a given week) skips his nap. When he does nap (most days) he sleeps 3-4 hours, so I know he needs the sleep. When he skips, it's usually b/c we've been out and he's overstimulated. No biggie, I just keep him up, get through the nightmare of a dinner (he's cranky by then) and put him to bed a little early.

We did that yesterday, and today we've been home all morning. I just put him down for his nap, but he's not tired. He's crying and I feel torn. Part of me thinks it's mean/CIO to leave him in there, part of me thinks he needs to learn what "quiet time" is.

Normally I'd let him out right away, but we're having family dinner at my parents' tonight and I really want him to be rested so it's not a nightmare for me (us). Plus I'm feeling a migraine coming on and want to do what I can (lie down as much as possible) so I can stop it before it comes.

Should I leave him in there? He's crying a little, but not full-out hysteria. Just unhappy where he'd stop immediately if I went in and took him out. How do you teach them what "quiet time" means? (I don't really care if he sleeps, but he needs to stay in there, QUIETLY...)

[nelson]

Can you lay down with him? This might be nice for you too.

[swd12422]

He'll just pop up and go leaping around.... We've never coslept b/c he can't stand to be in bed with anyone unless we're playing...

Part of our naptime/bedtime routine is books, milk, and a snuggle and song. We did the first two, and he refused the snuggle, so we just sat quietly in the chair together. I asked several times if he wanted me to sing, he said no. Then he started getting ramped up to play, so I told him to choose snuggle/song or crib. He said crib, but then cried when I put him in. I asked him again, and he wanted out of the room. I said it wasn't a choice. I finally left him in there and told him I'd come back to cover him up if he wanted. He yelled for his blanket while I was posting my OP and I went in to cover him, but he stood up and pointed at the door, wanting to get out and play. I explained AGAIN that it's quiet time and he could lie down if he wanted me to cover him and he refused. So I told him I love him and left... Now he's still crying....

He started to sound hysterical a few minutes ago, so I was about to go in when he stopped abruptly and started counting! Now he's back to crying...

[swd12422]

So I ended up taking him out and we watched TV for a little bit, but I really don't want that to become a pattern (that he gets to get up and watch TV if he cries). So what to do? Should I take the silence on this thread to mean that everyone here cosleeps and their kids never refuse a nap? Or that no one wants to admit that they leave their toddlers to cry when they've had enough?

[sapphire_chan]

I took a nap* this morning with my dd sitting on the bed next to me drawing on our calendar with a pen. So for times when you need a nap and he's having none of it, that might help.

She naps best on days when we get outside. Spring sunshine is quite sleepy-making, so if you know he's tired and fighting it, take him for a walk. Let him walk and explore as he will and be ready to pick him up and carry him.

But for the purposes of avoiding a migraine, using the TV to keep him safe while you rest is reasonable. I'd put it to him like that, "mommy needs quiet time, so here's something to help you be quiet"

*Of course "mommy's sleepy" to my daughter results in her trying to soothe me by patting my head and driving her train on me. So the "nap" wasn't really sleeping, more resting with my eyes closed.

[pianojazzgirl]

I had the idea of doing "quiet time" with my dd when she stopped napping but it never worked. My thought was that she'd rest in bed, maybe look at some books, maybe drift off to sleep on the days when she really needed it. Well, the thought was nice but reality conspired against it. She would have nothing to do with staying in bed or in her room and I didn't want it to be a negative experience or power struggle so I gave up on it. I would do down-time in the afternoon by snuggling on the couch and reading books or occasionally putting in a video.

I think in your situation where you felt a migraine coming on and needed to lie down then putting on a movie so you could get some rest was just fine. In fact I do admit to using tv to get my kids to rest for half an hour or so when I can tell they need it. Of course I could also read to them or sing songs etc, but sometimes, like you today, I need to rest too!

If it was just a matter of wanting him to nap so that he wouldn't be cranky in the evening then (since he was fighting a nap at home) I probably would have popped in him in the stroller and gone for a nice long walk. Either of my kiddos at that age would probably have drifted off to sleep, or at least had a nice long rest that way. But, considering that you weren't feeling well yourself (and presumably not up for a long walk)I think the TV viewing was reasonable.

And FWIW...

TBH I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my toddler CIO. If he just wasn't settling for a nap and other options weren't available or desirable (stroller ride, car ride, etc) I would just accept that today wasn't going to be a nap day and leave it at that. I know I had a lot of emotional energy invested in my dd taking a nap and when she started giving it up I got really stressed out and would spend long periods of time trying to soothe her to sleep. With my ds I decided to just let what happened happen. The end result was the same (they napped when tired and didn't when they weren't), but I saved myself a LOT of stress and energy with my approach to ds.

[kgreenemama]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl

TBH I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my toddler CIO. If he just wasn't settling for a nap and other options weren't available or desirable (stroller ride, car ride, etc) I would just accept that today wasn't going to be a nap day and leave it at that. I know I had a lot of emotional energy invested in my dd taking a nap and when she started giving it up I got really stressed out and would spend long periods of time trying to soothe her to sleep. With my ds I decided to just let what happened happen. The end result was the same (they napped when tired and didn't when they weren't), but I saved myself a LOT of stress and energy with my approach to ds.

AGREE with PP. Took me a long time to accept that DS just wouldn't nap some days. His napping pattern was horrendous when he was under 1 year. Grammy or I had to hold him. For every nap. The alternative was CIO, and we couldn't do it then, and we wouldn't do it now that he's 2. I still have to lie down with him, but I see it as time to catch up on a good book or write in my journal.

Until your LO gives up the nap completely, I hope you find a good solution that works for everyone!