Initial consultation

[Jenifer76]

Forgive me if this has been asked many times over.

We are scheduled to have our initial consultation with our agency in two weeks. All I was told to bring was lots of questions. I have a few basic questions but nothing I would consider "lots". Not to say I am an expert but I feel like I understand the basics. I was sort of assuming we'd be the ones grilled this time around.

So I guess I am wondering what kind of things should I ask -- or did you ask? (I already know all the steps in the process and the costs.)

[RedOakMomma]

Which sort of adoption are you pursuing? The type of question might vary a lot depending...

[Jenifer76]

Sorry, I typed the first message too quickly -- domestic adoption.

[RedOakMomma]

Hmmm....my family adopted internationally, so surely there are some things I'm overlooking, but these are some of the areas I'd want to hear more about:

1. Treatment/relationship with birth parents. Are they offered counseling? What kind? Who picks the counselor?

2. What kind of relationship with birth parents (open adoption, etc.) does the agency encourage? What percentage of birth parents want open adoptions? How open do those adoptions end up being a year down the road, two years, etc. How, if at all, do they facilitate open adoptions and communication?

3. Does the agency provide pre- and post-adoption classes or counseling for adoptive parents? [For us, the pre- and post-adoption help from our homestudy agency was incredibly important, and SO eye-opening. They did a lot of work/reading with us on attachment, cultural issues, triad relationships, lifebooks, etc. Some agencies rock at this, some suck. If your agency isn't going to be much of a support during and after the process, you need to look elsewhere for that support, including local non-profits, or adoption support networks.]

4. Ask for a list of references, including couples that have adopted through them recently. If they just hand you a list of references, ask for some additional recent names of adoptive couples. Check into the names they give you...definitely call several families and get the scoop.

5. Will you be dealing with the same homestudy social worker throughout the process, or will your questions and concerns be handled by several social workers?

6. What are their views on adoption and attachment? Do they have support networks if a couple struggles with attachment? Councelors they could recommend for help, if needed?

That's all I can think of for now. I feel like I'm missing some big somethings. Hopefully other moms will chime in.

[Jenifer76]

Thanks! I know if I sit and think about it the questions will flow. It was just the initial "uh duh" that I have to get past.

We are using the agency that a friend used because she had a positive experience but I will ask for other referrals.