The fact that I am even posting here says a lot about how far I have come.
I am not ready to join you as QF, but I am wondering if I could get your prayers and insights.
I have been married 9 years, have three kids ages 5, 3, and 1, and have always used the birth control pill before and in between having children. Last month I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in an early miscarriage, and seeing that little 3 weeks-post-conception baby has upended all my thoughts about birth control and the sovereignty of God and what a faithful use of my body and sexuality needs to look like.
So... where I'm at right now is that I'm definitely not going to go back on the pill, I think I would be comfortable trusting God for another child (it's easier for me to just think of it as one child at a time), but my husband isn't quite there yet and so for now we are using condoms. Which we both kind of hate. I'm starting to think and pray about, if this is all a gift of God, then why are we trying to control it? And I know what you all think about all of that.
I guess I would be curious about how you ended up where you are, and if there are any books or whatever that helped you sort through it.
My biggest hesitations... imagining if we did get on this bandwagon and God gave us... who knows, 7 more children... (I will be 32 next week) is that my children would grow up and say, "there were so many of us that my parents didn't have time for me," or "my house was total chaos," or "my siblings abused me and my parents never knew" or something like that. My dh's biggest hesitation is that we aren't going to be able to afford to send our kids to college. I am more inclined to trust God on those financial issues, but it would definitely be a stretch, because as it is with three kids we're barely making it to the end of the month (payday is tomorrow and I have $3 in my checking account which I consider a victory!).
I don't really know anyone in real life who has more than four children. We attend (actually, my husband is pastor at) a church that I guess I would describe as evangelical and spirit-filled yet part of a larger mainline denomination. I consider myself more conservative, theologically, than many in our denomination, but probably more "liberal" (though I hate those words) than many of you. Not that that makes any difference, but... somehow it seems relevant here.
Anyway.... there's where we are at. I'm trusting that God will show us where He wants us to be and what His plan is for our family. I would appreciate your support and your prayers!