not sure where to put this, so move it if there is a better place.
we have this little boy who comes to our house 3-4 times a week after school. he sometimes is at our house for 2-4 hours after school. i am not baby sitting him, he is a friend to my younger boys. i am getting frustrated because this is never reciprocated. if my boys go to their house they are always sent back to my house, with their son in tow. when he comes over it is like snack time. seriously he eats like a meal here. they are not lacking in food, nor are they poor. in fact compared to them we are the ones lacking in funds. when he comes over they play inside if the weather is bad and the boys room is trashed, i mean EVERYTHING is out and all over the floor and the beds end up stripped and everything. it is NUTS! yesterday i put my foot down and said before he left they had to clean up some of the mess, when i went up to check, he was sitting on the floor playing with the cars and not doing anything. plus yesterday he ate a cheese stick, an apple two bananas and a glass of milk and then wanted a sandwich. i don't normally have issues with feeding other peoples children but usually there is a back and forth, or at least it isn't 3 times a week. i want to say something, but i don't want to come off sounding pissy. like why can't my kids come to their house once a week and eat their food and hang out for 4 hours?
any suggestions on how to handle this nicely? thank you.
h
we have this little boy who comes to our house 3-4 times a week after school. he sometimes is at our house for 2-4 hours after school. i am not baby sitting him, he is a friend to my younger boys. i am getting frustrated because this is never reciprocated. if my boys go to their house they are always sent back to my house, with their son in tow. when he comes over it is like snack time. seriously he eats like a meal here. they are not lacking in food, nor are they poor. in fact compared to them we are the ones lacking in funds. when he comes over they play inside if the weather is bad and the boys room is trashed, i mean EVERYTHING is out and all over the floor and the beds end up stripped and everything. it is NUTS! yesterday i put my foot down and said before he left they had to clean up some of the mess, when i went up to check, he was sitting on the floor playing with the cars and not doing anything. plus yesterday he ate a cheese stick, an apple two bananas and a glass of milk and then wanted a sandwich. i don't normally have issues with feeding other peoples children but usually there is a back and forth, or at least it isn't 3 times a week. i want to say something, but i don't want to come off sounding pissy. like why can't my kids come to their house once a week and eat their food and hang out for 4 hours?
any suggestions on how to handle this nicely? thank you.
h
If someone's thirsty, I'll offer water, and usually they decline and run home for juice. 
"Sorry hon. If you're hungry you should probably go ask your mama." (or you could just set out carrots sticks and limit it to that) "You're thirsty? I have water. If you want something else you need to go see what your mom has." "Thanks for walking my kids home! We'll see you tomorrow, bye now!"
Their son may just be following your kids home because he wants to play with them. I'd be nice about it and assume the best of the parents, but tell them honestly that you feel like he comes to play a lot and would they be interested in setting up a reciprocal babysitting arrangement so your boys could play at their house sometimes too? Or do they want you to send him home? It may be that they're setting boundaries that feel comfortable for them by sending your kids home and assuming that you will do the same. And then thinking that if you don't send their kid home, it's because you don't mind him being there. It sounds like you just left a great community, and this neighbor *could* be a great opportunity for you to re-create a great community in your new place, if you set your own boundaries more and clear up expectations on both sides.
