How to prepare kids for first visit? - Page 2

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Avani

Thank you for the suggestion.

Today when i dropped the kids off at school the kids teachers said they received emails from my ex stating he would be coming to spend the day at school with them today. The court order states his visitation starts on Saturday at 8am. My lawyer went over this with him, he has a copy of the order and he still thinks he can show up at the school and spend the day with them? He hasn't seen them in 4 months and he doesn't think it might disrupt their day to be at their school, or perhaps he might be violating a court order and restraining order for that matter. I had to give copies of the order to the principal and she said she would call the police if he shows. Geez i just don't feel safe in my town when he is here. He feels justified to do whatever he wants and continuosly breaks court orders and the judge basically rewards him by giving him unsupervised visits.

In my state parents are still allowed to come to school to volunteer, see performances, and talk to kids on the phone when it isn't their official visitation time. The only thing they can't do is take the kid without the other parents consent on a non-visitation day. The judge automatically attaches a form about your responsibilities and rights to the divorce decree no matter what level of custody you have. I think you should re-check your papers to make sure there is nothing like that in yours before you have them refuse to let him volunteer. If he is going to see them alone it may even be helpful for them to see him now in a supervised setting and get a little bit used to him again before going off with him. It may also convince him that he doesn't want to actually have several visitation days where he goes on a long vacation with children.

[Avani]

no that isn't in our decree. because of my restraining order the school won't allow him to infringe like that because he could be a risk to other students.

[doubledutch]

i just wanted to offer my support. what a nightmare.

i grew up doing long, infrequent visitation. in early childhood, it was the normal e-o-w stuff but later it changed d/t living further apart. the first couple days are tough . . . which means that short, frequent visits were always hard for me, but long visits actually gave me time to adjust and have fun, even though i missed my mom.

there have already been great suggestions on the thread and i don't have much to add in terms of safety, but did have one though as a 'comfort' to your kids - what about something that they can wear while they're gone? even if it's just a single bead on a piece of yarn around their neck or a strip of leather around their wrists, just something to physically remind them of you and that you are wearing yours too and thinking of them every moment.

eta: also let them know that you will be okay. during visits, my brother and i were very worried that something would happen to our mom and we would never see her again.

ita with the prepaid phone (actual phone would be better than a phone card), notebooks, camera and photo album.

i'm saying a prayer - security for you kiddos and peace of mind for you.

[Avani]

I have to admit i am partially concerned he won't bring them back. Whether he goes to court ex-parte in the middle of the visit with some story as to why he must keep them or kidnapping i'm concerned. He is behaving erractically and really believes he has a lot of control through the courts. I could see him forcing the children into stories of abuse or whatever and trying to gain sole custody while they are there. Even my lawyer is ready for whatever he may pull. Today he showed up at the kids school and demanded their school records and conferences with the teachers. The principal said they couldn't do that without an order from the court. I have had sole legal and physical custody and we haven't had him play any role in the kids life for four years so the school and I are totally unsure as to what he has rights to. This is just ridiculous. All of it.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Avani

I have to admit i am partially concerned he won't bring them back. Whether he goes to court ex-parte in the middle of the visit with some story as to why he must keep them or kidnapping i'm concerned. He is behaving erractically and really believes he has a lot of control through the courts. I could see him forcing the children into stories of abuse or whatever and trying to gain sole custody while they are there. Even my lawyer is ready for whatever he may pull. Today he showed up at the kids school and demanded their school records and conferences with the teachers. The principal said they couldn't do that without an order from the court. I have had sole legal and physical custody and we haven't had him play any role in the kids life for four years so the school and I are totally unsure as to what he has rights to. This is just ridiculous. All of it.

This is beyond ridiculous Honestly, this is bordering on my worst nightmare, and I can't even imagine. Lots of good advice in this thread... I'm glad the school stuck to their guns and showed him the door!

[homewithtwinsmama]

Originally Posted by Avani

I have to admit i am partially concerned he won't bring them back. Whether he goes to court ex-parte in the middle of the visit with some story as to why he must keep them or kidnapping i'm concerned. He is behaving erractically and really believes he has a lot of control through the courts. I could see him forcing the children into stories of abuse or whatever and trying to gain sole custody while they are there. Even my lawyer is ready for whatever he may pull. Today he showed up at the kids school and demanded their school records and conferences with the teachers. The principal said they couldn't do that without an order from the court. I have had sole legal and physical custody and we haven't had him play any role in the kids life for four years so the school and I are totally unsure as to what he has rights to. This is just ridiculous. All of it.

School record? Sounds like he may indeed be planning not to return with them. I pray I am wrong. Have you ever considered going to a journalist about this judge?

[blessedwithboys]

Originally Posted by Avani

Everything was ordered where he lives. I just found out he is taking us in ex parte tomorrow because my lawyer informed him i would not be giving him my carseats. He filed exparte because as he told my lawyer " he will make the judge order me to hand over my carseats." My lawyer told me i don't have to and their are no provisions for it. But she said to look good for the judge i need to. I have my seats professionally installed and having to pull them out for him is ridiculous. He isnt paying child support so doesn't he at least have the money for carseats?

oh, mama! i dont know you or your story, but just reading this thread makes me wanna hurl! my sitch isnt nearly as bad, i dont know how i would handle being where you are.

in my orders, i am ordered to provide whatever items the children need while they are on visitation. you prolly have no choice but to send the seats, besides, is your ex the type to know which seats to get and how to use them safely? also, IME, CPSTs dont actually install seats due to liability issues. they will install as a demo and then unhook for the parent to do it over and then check the tightness and make the parent adjust as needed, so not sure how you have your seats professionally installed, but at any rate, you are prolly better off handing over the seats to be sure your LOs are secure for the long trip. i had to actually buy an extra LBB for my ex, or ds would be riding around with a seatbelt-of-death across his neck and tummy.

best wishes for it all to work out for you and your babies. i've said it many times: if it ever gets to that point, i will disappear from the face of the earth with my kids. someplace no too sunny, not too cold...