Desperate! Need to stop nursing to nap and nursing to sleep

[calendula]

Hello,
I have a 19 mth old and I really NEED to stop nursing her to nap, and nursing her to sleep. I don't know which to tackle first. For nighttime DH is involved so it could be slightly easier but the nap situation is the one I am most frustrated with.

In any case, please can you post tactics for weaning for nap and or sleep? I would love to hear from people who have BTDT.

For nap, we get the room ready, get the lovey, sit in the nursing chair, she nurses until 99% asleep and then I lay her in the crib. This has been mostly fine until the past 2 weeks when it is just Not Working.

At night I nurse her in the chair, she barely nurses, and then I cue DH and he takes her and puts her in the crib. The BIG difference is, she is often still awake but will usually settle down to sleep without fuss. (She won't do this for nap, she has to be basically asleep or she just cries nonstop.)

I have been wondering whether to convert the crib so I could teach her to get in and settle, read a book to her with her lying down etc. But she is very mobile during the night, plus wakes very early and I am sure she would get out if she was able to without the side of the crib.

Open to all ideas!
TIA

[calendula]

Bump :-(

[Baby_Cakes]

I have no advice b/c I'm in the same boat. We've pretty much cut back all nursing except for when DD gets hurt, nap, and bedtime. She is 18 mo. The only thing that kinda sorta works is rocking to sleep, but she really fights that sometimes and just keeps asking for "boob".

I'm interested to see if anyone has any tips.

[somelady]

We just had dh take over bedtime... but we'd been using music, so we kept that as kind of a transitional thing. No luck with that at naptime though, then ds will just not nap, and make everybody miserable. We've always had major nap issues though.

[handsandfeet]

We went through a phase where DS would not fall asleep nursing anymore, and the only thing that would work is rocking while he chewed/sucked on a diaper. He would cry and squirm a bit at first but eventually would settle. He liked it more if I would stand up and bounce him but he's a plump little guy and I couldn't physically do it for more than a couple of minutes. While rocking (in a room as dark as I could get it), I would "shh-shh-shh" in a pattern over and over, which seemed to soothe him.

[Tjej]

I read a book between nursing and sleep. Then for naps I just read the book and no nursing (most days). Some nights my DS even chooses no nursing, just book. But usually not.

HTH

Tjej

[claddaghmom]

The car for naps? And then your DH could carry her in and put her in bed?

Maybe for night time too?

It depends on how your kid is about the car though. A short car trip will knock DD out without a fuss. Sometimes I have to plan how NOT to get into the car or she will nap without me/at the wrong time lol.

[TiredX2]

Can I ask the reasons behind your goal of not nursing to sleep? It sounds like you are willing to put a lot of time/efford into getting baby to sleep without nursing, so what are you gaining? *that* will help determine the most efficient methods.

[calendula]

TiredX2 - in answer to your question - I feel like I would gain a bit more sanity and more than that, DH could put DD to nap. I don't mind so much about bedtime but I just started to resent being the only one involved in nap. It has made me miss appointments, and things that are important to me when DD hasn't wanted to nap or is fussy for some other reason and only wants to nurse. It's not very often that I mind, but just to be able to have DH do it once in a while would relieve a burden.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by calendula

TiredX2 - in answer to your question - I feel like I would gain a bit more sanity and more than that, DH could put DD to nap. I don't mind so much about bedtime but I just started to resent being the only one involved in nap. It has made me miss appointments, and things that are important to me when DD hasn't wanted to nap or is fussy for some other reason and only wants to nurse. It's not very often that I mind, but just to be able to have DH do it once in a while would relieve a burden.

What happens if you aren't there?

I ask because while some kids will refuse to do anything else than nurse to sleep if they know momma is available, if they know there is no other option they will accept other comfort. I have seen it happen again and again.

Is there a place you could go (like a nearby book store or something) on a relaxed day? Nurse DD like 30 minutes before nap time and plan on not coming back for 1.5-2 hours. Then, if it gets *really* bad (like DD is throwing up while screaming bad) DH could call you and get you to come back. Otherwise, I'm sure they would work it out. If it is just an occasional thing and DH's only job is getting DD to sleep, he could basically do anything (drive in the car, rock her, walk with her, whatever...)

I totally understand the desire to have someone else be able to help DD and I'm betting that within the next few months you'll see a lot of growth in that area independent of what you do.

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by calendula

I just started to resent being the only one involved in nap. It has made me miss appointments, and things that are important to me when DD hasn't wanted to nap or is fussy for some other reason and only wants to nurse. It's not very often that I mind, but just to be able to have DH do it once in a while would relieve a burden.

I totally understand - and I think toddlers are ready to learn other ways of falling asleep.
In our case, the issue was that DS wouldn't fall asleep nursing for naps anymore so DH stepped in. Honestly, I would brainstorm with DH what might work when then leave him to do what works for him. You may be surprised what she'll do when you're not there!
And I would hesitate to shift to a toddler bed. I haven't BTDT - my little guy is 20 months - but I've heard so many mamas IRL say they wish they'd hung onto the crib a little longer for the very reason you mention.

[Tjej]

They really do work it out with their daddy when they need to. As long as they have a decent rapport already in other times of the day (Daddy is already a strong adult figure in their life) it'll work out fine. You just have to get out of the house for a few times for them to figure it out.

Tjej