Was homeschooling an issue in your divorce?

[Labbemama]

I just pulled my son out of public school today. His pediatrician recommended that I home school him and I asked her for a referral for homebound but she wouldn't sign for it. Said the school should let him go to the restroom anytime and I should talk to the principal, rolls eyes. I have talked to the nurse supervisor, the counselors, the truant officers, an IEP team. It's individual teachers that won't let him go to the restroom, so anyhow, what is a reasonable accomodation is not being met so the heck with it.

SHe will do his notes 3 days at a time for illness.

He has chronic diahrrea and vomitting that is likely stress related it's not due to any organic causes that we can find out yet that began in July when the separation and stalking started, but the issue is that he's in high school and even with the dr's note he's afraid he won't make it to the restroom and he has these flareups of it that are perfectly timed with events in our really nasty divorce case.

So I'm sure stbx will have negative remarks about me homeschooling our son. It has been an issue that I was pro back as far as 7th grade and DH was dead set against. DS has begged me to homeschool him since 7th grade and even before the divorce and his dad wouldn't let me and now I'm worried it will be used against me in court.


Can this be used against me in custody decisions? The lawyers always want to know are the kids in school? Like this is the only thing in the world important yeah they are in school but they are failing and miserable and sick all the time. Why don't they ask about their mental well being, huh?

I should have got the dr. to put that in writing that she was recommending I home school him.

Any advice for me?

I am hoping that we can get him well and get him in a formal online program for next fall or that he'll feel better enough to return to public high school if he wants to.

[zebra15]

Let me preface this by saying Im not divorced (I was never married) but I homeschool. And Mr Wonderful has no visitation (minimal and very limited contact) so that point is moot.

Your DS is highschool age, definately old enough to 'have a voice' in both his schooling and his custody. If your DS wants to continue HS then great. Keep going with it. If at some point he wants to return to a traditional school setting that should be fine. What concerns me is a DR who wont support a decision - any decision. I understand a DR not wanting to get in the middle of a divorce however adding to the child's stress level is just wrong. Is it possible to find a Gastro-intestional dr for your ds? or a therapist to help him deal with stress? At the very least your DS needs to find out what is going on with his body, health-wise.

I guess what it comes down to is when kids are 'older' some decisions should be theirs. Opinions will vary but any parent who has the CHILDS best interest at heart will see that.

[JunipersMom]

If you and you ex have joint legal custody - and he feels strongly about homeschooling .. he can take you to court and the court will then decide how your child is educated (at least in my state). So I would think it would be in your best interest to try and find something you can both live with (all three of you). Are there any other schooling options in your area? Some private schools will work with families on tuition.. <hugs> hope you find a good solution

[momof4peppers]

If the school is amenable (the principal, counselors, etc.), can you get all of his materials and have him "school at home"? He's following the same curriculum, it's just at a different location. The current school is incapable of meeting his needs (bathrooms are too far away from classrooms) and he needs to change physical locations for him to learn.

I have found that "homeschool" the word has connotations that are not always positive. But "school at home" is different enough for some people (obviously I don't know your X or how they'd respond) that they're more ... forgiving? "Rigorous independent study" is another buzzword that we've heard.

What state are you in? In NJ, there are no requirements for homeschoolers. Others are wicked strict. If you can point to your state's laws and how you're following them, and can document that the IEP isn't being followed, that might be one strategy.

ETA - there are tons of online programs & courses of study. You don't have to wait until the fall to get started on them. Then when asked, 'are the children in school' the answer is truthfully yes. In the physical school building wasn't the question.

[zebra15]

you may want to x-post in the homeschooling area.

[Labbemama]

Thanks for your relplies. So I'll supply some more info.

For the district to provide the curriculum and a home bound teacher so that he's still technically enrolled costs the district a lot of money and the Dr. thinks that the school should reasonably allow him to use the restroom at any given moment. He has told me last night he has actually had accidents. So, we tried this reasonable accomodation but it's embarrassing and the teachers are hassling him about it.

I am on the warpath about getting referrals for gastro and his ped is writing them. We are going to have to drive about 4 hours to get an apt.

We live in a smallish town now and their medical system is just backed up for the population growth they have had. Not that I'm taking that for an excuse.

I have sole custody right now but our divorce is not finalized and stbx has abused us and my son also has PTSD, Depression, And Severe ADHD.

The family doc we had before we moved told me whenever his stomach was acting up to take him off his ADHD meds, stimulants because they can upset the lining of the stomach.

So this is what I would do IF the court wasn't all up in my parenting business. It's just as bad as if I was living with my abusive ex. Only they have the power to actually take my kids away which ex has threatened to do.
So this whole time he's making noise that I can't control the kids, that they have severe mental health issues, that I'm crazy, etc.

He doesn't want the kids he just wants to threaten and control me.

So my kids have a guardian ad litem, but he won't do anything because ex hasn't paid him yet.

So I'm just going to document what we do. I joined a local homeschool association and we went to the library to check out books for Lit.

I'm not working because things with my kids are so bad and I have injuries from the abuse that need to heal that I'm still waiting on referrals for and have applied for disability.

And then there's the fact that out of all the abuse, they are prosecuting my son for throwing a shoe at his sister's head. Not an excuse but he had a migraine and she wouldn't get out of the room and had turned the tv on and was screeching. SO out of all of this they are prosecuting my 14 y.o. son for "Battery." SO all my kids should be in juvenile system based on that. This happened about the time the stalking by ex was at its worst. So I can't figure out why they didn't prosecute all the kids Especially my oldest, except that my son is male and the girls are female so that makes them acting out victims and him a criminal. And it's especially disgusting given all the stuff my ex has got away with.

My son has a defense attorney too.

The dr. is supportive of me home-schooling him. I just wanted to take a more main-stream approach so that I wouldn't have issues with the court because the documentation of his medical issue would be there and that he would still technically be enrolled in public school. And I'm lazy and while I could pull a curriculum together, I have absolutely zero money. I'm in a bad financial position because I'm not working and stbx didn't pay child support for six whole months before they started income withholding. So I've only had two months with child support.

I tried the virtual schools but it's too late to enroll for one for this year and they cost between $3 and 6 k.

LOL atleast the truancy officer at the school agrees with me.

My son also has a therapist whom we see weekly and he is on board too.

Our divorce is stuck in limbo because stbx won't pay the GAL and they don't want to do something so drastic as to take away his visitation.
I mostly post about all this in surviving abuse, but he made threats to kill my oldest daughter and why we are even talking about him having visitation is beyond me. Children's division substantiated the abuse even!~ But it's like I am the one who has to prove that I am a good parent because the judge views us as two bickering crazy people who have damaged our kids severely as a result of our marriage.

Anyhow, I expect a fight from stbx and his goal is to get the kids put into foster care because he believes if he can't have them neither should I.

[Labbemama]

Originally Posted by momof4peppers

If the school is amenable (the principal, counselors, etc.), can you get all of his materials and have him "school at home"? He's following the same curriculum, it's just at a different location. The current school is incapable of meeting his needs (bathrooms are too far away from classrooms) and he needs to change physical locations for him to learn.

I have found that "homeschool" the word has connotations that are not always positive. But "school at home" is different enough for some people (obviously I don't know your X or how they'd respond) that they're more ... forgiving? "Rigorous independent study" is another buzzword that we've heard.

What state are you in? In NJ, there are no requirements for homeschoolers. Others are wicked strict. If you can point to your state's laws and how you're following them, and can document that the IEP isn't being followed, that might be one strategy.

ETA - there are tons of online programs & courses of study. You don't have to wait until the fall to get started on them. Then when asked, 'are the children in school' the answer is truthfully yes. In the physical school building wasn't the question.

We are in Texas. And I will reply yes. I thought it might be better if I just called ds's attorney (defense) and told her about his medical problems and that the dr. recommended I home school him.

This last bout of illness started with the news that he was being prosecuted and then worsened with the news that his dad wants phone calls with him. At which point he said they can't make him talk to his dad he'd run away to Mexico or Canada and began vomitting 7 x a day and having worsened diahrrea.

They can't find any bacterial or parasitic cause of it and we've been to two different ER's and the ped. weekly. he's on 4 dif. meds for his tummy. But it's clearly psychosomatic but I'm worried that the lengthiness of his symptoms may have caused ulceration. He also began haviing migraines.

So while he isn't acting out his anger while he was, it's eating away at him INSIDE. I think it's pretty clear what's going on.

We went to the ER and they paged the on call psychiatrist twice, no response and discharged us!

I can document it pretty well how hard I've tried to find the care he needs.

And like I told the dr. tell me who has the first apt. and I'll drive him whereever he needs to go to end his suffering.

[missgranger]

I had friends who fought over whether their child should be sent to an alternative school that practices unschooling. The father wanted it, the mother didn't. She took him to court several times and finally a CPS representative went out to the school and observed and interviewed people and turned in a report that favored the father's wishes because the kids were all thriving and seemed healthier and more well-adjusted than what he'd observed at the public school the mother was lobbying for.

I'll be watching for your updates, because I'm expecting this to become an issue for us. My son is being homeschooled and his father doesn't agree with it. He's let us do it for 5 years, but now that we're at the final stage of the divorce, I'm expecting him to raise it an issue just to throw a stumbling block in the way.

Good luck. Keep us posted.