What is the most polite way to say this?

[crunchy_mommy]

I was recently hanging out with a friend -- not a close friend, we don't know each other well (yet) and she asked her son to share his (non-vegan) food with my son. Actually she had done this once before and luckily our attention was diverted but this time, no such luck. I was really uncomfortable with him eating this snack but I knew he'd already had a lot of his own food & wouldn't eat more than a bite or two so I just let him have it but I didn't like that & I don't want to always do that... I have no problem saying no to close friends/family or strangers, but I felt awkward because she was more of an acquaintance & because she was trying to be nice... and she was talking to her son ("share with J") not me. OK sorry so long, I was just wondering how others approach this, and what would you say?

[crunchy_mommy]

What is the most polite way to say this?

oops somehow posted the same thing twice!

[_betsy_]

"Oh, that's so sweet and thoughtful, but we're pretty strictly vegan."

Strangers try to give my kids food/treats that we don't give them a lot and I just say "Oh, thank you, but we can't have that." If they insist, I just say "Allergies." I don't care if I do have to lie to strangers, I'm not giving my infant a Blow Pop or whatever other ridiculous crap they're offering.

[iamama]

I'd just say "we're vegan" it is not a personal issue.

[earthmama369]

Say it with a smile. "Oh, we're vegan, but thank you so much for offering!"

I do this all the time. Insert the word of choice: vegan, vegetarian, allergies. I just keep it upbeat, thank them for the offer, and move on. It's good modeling for the kids, too. DS has food allergies, and at 3 he's now very good at saying clearly, "I can't have that because I'm allergic to nightshades" and "No thank you, I'm vegetarian." He can explain what nightshades are, what gelatin is and which foods it's generally found in, and he says it politely but clearly and firmly. DD, too, with non-vegetarian foods. I love that they can advocate for themselves already and not feel self-conscious about it.

[kathymuggle]

I would just say we don't eat animal products and ask to read the package. It is the same way you would act with an allergy. I would make suggestions on food to share or eat - fruit, nuts, juice, etc. You can always bring your own snack - and offer to share it, too!

[eepster]

Wow, I can't believe she did that. I always either ask the parent myself or tell kids to check with their parents first if I have food to share.

One time DS and I were at the YMCA and I was giving DS some cookies. A little girl nearby asked if she could have some and I told her to check with her mom first. Turned out the kid had nut allergies.

I would definitely just say "those aren't veg*n DS" and not worry about being polite.

[mattemma04]

I would just say,' Thanks for the offer,but we never share food or drinks."

Bacteria that one person can carry without ill effects can result in mennigitis to another. We never ever share drinks or foods.

I would carry snacks for my own child.Once they start eating things you do not approve of it will be hard to keep them from whinning for what the other kid has.

[almadianna]

I am merging your two posts mama. It seems you double posted.

And to answer your question I always say, "Thank you for the offer but we dont eat XXXX" whatever it is. I have never had people get offended at that, they actually apologize and hope that they didnt offend us!

[crunchy_mommy]

Sorry about the double post, not sure what happened!

Anyway... maybe I am over-thinking it, I guess I could just say, "Thanks anyway but I'd rather he didn't have that since I can't check the ingredients, but he can always have soft fruits & veggies." I think I just feel weird because this is someone I really want to be friends with (haha I know that sounds desperate/pathetic) and I've been feeling kind of... socially awkward I guess... since I've been isolated for the past year or so! DS is only 14 mos so he wouldn't understand if I just told him no that's not vegan, but I definitely want to nip this in the bud... I don't want him acquiring a taste for processed &/or non-veg foods and I want him to learn how to stand up for himself but I'm not the best teacher in that department!

[maciascl]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

Say it with a smile. "Oh, we're vegan, but thank you so much for offering!"

You could also follow that with something like "we have xyz, would you like to share that?"

[zinemama]

Another vote for, "Thanks so much but we're vegan."

A long speech about wanting to check the ingredients first runs the risk of you coming across as trying to outcrunch this poor woman who was only trying to make a kind gesture. I don't get your reluctance to just say that you're vegan.

[crunchy_mommy]

LOL just because no one around here really understands the term "vegan" and I thought THAT would sound like I'm trying to "outcrunch" but I get your point about checking ingredients doing the same.