Mourning the premature loss of our bf relationship

[EmilyVorpe]

16 Days ago, I had to give up nursing due to hospitalization and surgeries. I also had complications after the surgeries I had. I did attempt to nurse 3 times since coming home from the hospital 12 days ago, but my milk had already dried up and I couldn't hold the baby at all. Sooooooo...after discussing my health with every doctor I ran into and my son's gastrointestinal specialist, we had to put him on formula. He is on a formula for dairy/soy allergies and he's actually gained a bit of good weight in just the 2 weeks. =
He is only 5 months old.
The entire time in the hospital, I cried and cried to be with my children. I got them to release me early so I could go home and try to nurse. And I cried every single bottle feeding he had up until about 2 days ago. I could barely stand the crawling out of my skin feeling I had over NOT nursing him. I do accept that I may be looked down on for not popping tons of fenugreek and pumping every 2 hours to get my supply back. But, I had to realize that if I died because I don't take care of myself, he will be without his mommy forever.
Has anyone ever had to give up nursing so soon? And had such an explosive emotional reaction? Maybe I just needed to vent....and now Im crying...so maybe I needed to cry some more, too....

[kismetbaby]

Sorry mama! I haven't had to deal with this but I wanted to send you

We do the best we can and you do have to make sure that YOU are healthy in order to take care of your LOs. I know I had lots of issues in the beginning and had so many complex and intense emotions about the whole thing.

It is possible you could get some supply back with meds. . .I'm sure some mamas around here can tell you more. But even if not, sounds like your LO is being loved and cared for and you did nurse for awhile--so good work mama!

[cristeen]

Would feeding him at the breast help with your emotional reaction?

I went through a serious grieving period when at 2 weeks we had to put my LO on formula. It is very difficult. Around 8 weeks I bought a Lact-Aid and he's been back to nursing ever since, even though whatever milk he's getting from me is negligible (we use donor milk in the LA, but you can use formula).

Allow yourself to grieve, and then decide what you're willing to do about the situation (accept it, change it, etc.).

[EmilyVorpe]

Unfortunately, I can't get my supply back...or, well, I could, but my sweet boy is dairy/soy allergic and I HAVE to incorporate dairy into my diet at the moment. That was the defining decision. If I choose to not eat the recommended diet, I can go into liver failure. It was a hard decision...because breast IS best...but if my liver fails.... he will be on formula anyways.
I wish I could get over the sadness of it. Watching him gulp down bottles breaks my heart...

[mum2row]

Originally Posted by EmilyVorpe

But, I had to realize that if I died because I don't take care of myself, he will be without his mommy forever.

Having you hold him, love him, and guide him while growing up and beyond far surpass the benefits of breastmilk in the long run IMO.

Please continue to look after yourself, you are not choosing you over him you arre choosing what is needed for your family.

[nhoutdoormama]

Oh, I'm sending you a big hug. I also had very unexpected and complicated breastfeeding issues, and it was extremely difficult for me to deal with. It took me months to mourn, and to be honest, I believe I will always feel a loss. There are a few things I have tried to remind myself to help with the sadness...

Dr. Sears' reminder that there are many ways to nurse your child. Yes, breast is best, of course, we know that. But for those us who are mourning the loss of this relationship for reasons truly beyond our control, it seems to help to remember this. I hold him, I cradle him, and I do everything I possibly can to connect during his feedings.

I am so very blessed to have a healthy baby, and reminders of this unparalleled good fortune are everywhere. There is so much that is out of our control.

It has also given me a much greater sensitivity to what other Mamas are going through, and reinforced the importance of not judging. We never know what is going on with another person.

Don't hesitate to get yourself some support with this, either. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Give yourself time, and take good care of yourself. You are right, your baby needs you healthy!!

[EmilyVorpe]

Originally Posted by mum2row

Having you hold him, love him, and guide him while growing up and beyond far surpass the benefits of breastmilk in the long run IMO.

Please continue to look after yourself, you are not choosing you over him you arre choosing what is needed for your family.

thank you for that. Ive been beating myself up over this...so thank you. I hope in a few weeks, I will be able to look at my babe and not feel as though I didn't do everything under the sun. I know he will forgive me when he is older.

[EmilyVorpe]

Originally Posted by nhoutdoormama

Oh, I'm sending you a big hug. I also had very unexpected and complicated breastfeeding issues, and it was extremely difficult for me to deal with. It took me months to mourn, and to be honest, I believe I will always feel a loss. There are a few things I have tried to remind myself to help with the sadness...

Dr. Sears' reminder that there are many ways to nurse your child. Yes, breast is best, of course, we know that. But for those us who are mourning the loss of this relationship for reasons truly beyond our control, it seems to help to remember this. I hold him, I cradle him, and I do everything I possibly can to connect during his feedings.

I am so very blessed to have a healthy baby, and reminders of this unparalleled good fortune are everywhere. There is so much that is out of our control.

It has also given me a much greater sensitivity to what other Mamas are going through, and reinforced the importance of not judging. We never know what is going on with another person.

Don't hesitate to get yourself some support with this, either. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Give yourself time, and take good care of yourself. You are right, your baby needs you healthy!!

Thank you thank you. I may need to cuddle him a little extra for a few years

[Jane]

I'm sorry. Life is full of bad sometimes.

Pathetic attempt at humor:
You'll have to screw your kid up later, in some other way. Formula feeding him just isn't enough to screw a kid up.

[Katie T]

I'm sorry, my first had a nursing strike at 4 months and never went back to the breast. Hug and cuddle your baby you are just as good of a mommy and love him just as much as when you were breast feeding, It is hard and sad but he will turn out to be a happy, healthy baby no matter what.

Go easy on yourself!

[KristyDi]

I am sorry you're having to walk through this difficult time. I can see myself being just a emotional, if not worse in such a situation.

As PP have said, your DS needs his mama around and healthy for a long time. Yes breast is best, but a living, healthy mama trumps breastfeeding every time. Be strong and take care of that sweet little boy's mama so he has her to take care of him for a long time.

[Xavismom]

So sorry Mama!

Having you is the most important thing! Taking care of yourself is the best thing you could do for him. He's lucky to have such a loving mom.

[lalemma]

Sometimes it kind of troubles me that the pro-breastfeeding movement can have the adverse effect of making moms who tried hard and had some crappy luck feel really bad about themselves.

I hope you can be more gentle to yourself. I think it's easy, when you hang around on MDC, to forget that by nursing your baby for five months you've already breastfed for much longer than the majority of your peers.

You did the best you could with the cards you were dealt. Five months is a wonderfully long time to be getting the benefits of your milk. Your baby is going to do just fine.

[CookAMH]

Go ahead and cry, mama . I am so sorry! I would be so sad as well were I in your shoes. Something that is very soothing to me is holding my baby after he falls asleep. It's definitely not the same as nursing, and not a suggestion as a substitute, but it's one way to enjoy closeness, quietness, and calmness and just admire your baby.

You did the right thing.

[claddaghmom]

If formula is bothering you, can you buy human milk or secure a donation of it?

Have you tried the SNS system if you want that suckling relationship?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I understand about mourning premature weaning. My youngest has been on formula the last 2 months because I had to deploy. I still can't even attempt to nurse due to meds I have to takea for another month, but it feels so weird to be fixing formula bottles and feeling I have to justify her not still being breastfed--even though she is one in 2 weeks, she is tiny and looks younger.

[Altair]

IME you can get a hormone surge when stopping BFing that can make you more prone to depression or a return to baby blues. So be as gentle on yourself as you can. You are doing what you *need* to do for yourself and your family, no mother can do more than that! I'm sorry you have to go through that I can imagine how sad I would feel in your shoes. Bottle nurse and give him lots of skin to skin and he will be fine!