Feeling bad, worried my child is missing out on things due to our finances

[samy23]

Does anyone else worry about this? I see so many people around us giving their children more opportunities than I am giving my child because they can afford to. I'm talking about after-school extra curricular activities, days out during school breaks and weekends, taking them here there and everywhere basically. Sometimes it seems like there is nothing for my child to do nearby within walking distance (to save bus or train costs), and nothing free besides the park and library. I wish there were museums close by or cheap sports facilities or something yk?

[karne]

I don't know how old your child is, but if you are providing a warm, safe, nuturing environment with the basics taken care of (good nutrition, etc.), then you are providing more than what some children on this planet have. I used to remind myself of this often when my kids were young, because it's so very easy to think that they need "more". Little ones often don't.

If there is something your child is truly interested in, then perhaps the organization or activity has scholarships, or someone to "sponser" kids. Musuems sometimes have a free weekenight, or free day during the month-we've done this a lot. You may be able to access some things by asking the folks in charge how it would be possible to have your child be part of things. It never hurts to ask.

[CatsCradle]

I understand your frustration, Samy, but I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. My DH is off this week during DD's spring break and they're having a blast spending lots of time together doing various no-cost or low-cost things. They're actually spending a huge chunk of time at the library today. Yesterday it was raining here all day so they kept close to the apartment and played games and what not. Tomorrow they will pack a lunch and spend the day on a bike ride (DH has a bikeseat for DD on his bike). On the days that I'm off with DD, we usually plan to bake something fun like cupcakes or pies or do a major art project. For example, I was able to get a huge paper roll (that painters use for floor protection) from someone in our building who recently had her apartment renovated. We've been working on a big mural with that paper (doing collage, coloring, etc.). This past Sunday, we took a five-hour walk! It was great to get out and not feel the press of people and the stress of regular life.

Of course, these aren't all-day events but it gives us an opportunity to be together and be creative. We live in a city with tons of museums and easy access to those museums, but honestly we don't go that often. My DH works for the city and gets into a lot of city venues for free, but I would much rather spend one-on-one time with DD on her breaks and engage her in activities that she might not get to do on a regular school day. I would much rather create the experience for DD than to rely on others to create the experience for her. Not to say that I don't love museums, etc., but I really do cherish the time that we have just to ourselves.

If it makes you feel better, I grew up in a very rural area with no where to go except the woods, and I have incredibly fond memories of my childhood and don't feel deprived in the least. My window to the world was books and I credit a lot of my current interests to being forced in my youth to escape into my imagination. So, I think the appearance of others giving their children "better" opportunities is just that: appearance. I believe children can grow, learn, create and have fun in any situation.

[EviesMom]

If there's something specific you feel your child would really like, see if there's a curriculum you can buy for it or if it's something you can teach yourself, and offer a class to her friends and kids in the neighborhood. It takes time and effort on your part, but you could charge enough for running the class that it's free for you. Then she gets the time with other kids and a different kind of activity than your daily routine, but it's not a financial outlay.

[greenmom4]

As far as sports related stuff, my kids have involved in ballet, soccer, hockey and little league at one point or another. ALL of these groups encourage interested people to apply for scholarsrhips if you can't afford the $$. They usually ask that you volunteer in some way, but they don't ask for much a time commitment. If your kids are really interested in doing something, it never hurts to ask if there are ways to offset the fees.

[LemonPie]

You know what? I grew up as the oldest of 6 kids. My mom was a SAHM. My dad worked as a mechanic. Money was *tight*. My mom taught me how to sew, crochet, can fruits and veggies, cook, bake. We grew a garden, she read to us, I played with my siblings and the neighbor kids indoors and outdoors. We found things to do.

Frankly, I think kids these days are over-scheduled with extra curriculars. Not that sports and other activities aren't beneficial to kids, but sometimes I think we underestimate the value of the time just spent 'in the nest' with family, especially if they're at school 6+ hours most days.

You're doing fine, mama

[nd_deadhead]

It is a lot easier to no be bothered if you aren't "keeping up with the Joneses", when it's just you that is going without. When you feel your kids are going without - that's a harder place to be.

But I agree that you're taking this too hard. The parents who seem to "give their kids everything" may make a lot more money than you. or may be spending foolishly. But the adage that "money doesn't buy happiness" really IS true.

One of the most important things you can do for your kids is to eat dinner together as a family on a regular basis. Talk to them and listen to them. Those families running around to 8 activities every week might not be giving their children that gift.

Does your child ask to do things that other kids are doing, and you have to say no?

I can tell you that I grew up in a relatively poor family, and I never, ever felt deprived. We never travelled; our one family vacation every year was a week at an old resort on a lake. I can count the number of times my family ate out. My Mom made a lot of our clothes. But we had a lot of fun together! We had a canoe that we used a lot; we played card and board games; my Dad loved to play catch and Frisbee and shoot baskets with us. Our back yard had base paths worn into the grass from the frequent games of kickball played there.

Do you belong to a church? Our church does a lot of kid/family activities (bowling, skiing, movie nights), and no one is turned away because they can't afford it.

Time truly is the best thing you can give your child. If he'she develops a special interest in something - music or a sport - there are almost always ways to be involved at little cost.

Meanwhile, it's OK for a child to learn that they can't have everything they want.

[caiesmommy]

Seriously DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT!!

Parents are thinking that they are giving their children a heads up by putting them into xyz and they *really* aren't! Children need to know that they are NOT the center of the universe. That they need to entertain themselves, and that things cost money/time. There was a special on CBC(canaian broadcasting channel) that spoke about how are kids are becoming so overwhelmed b/c they are told they can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and then they find out they cant in the real world

I work in music school and it's rediculous. MOST of the moms work full time just in order to put their children into programs, then they spend whatever free time they have shuttling the child back and forth here and there. The kids are tired and cranky, the parents and broke, tired and cranky and they are living in their mini vans eating whatever junk they can stuff into their mouths along the way and noone is happy. i have one student who goes to school, wed is skating, thursdays is skating, fri is spanish then she comes to us and has a vocal the piano lesson and shes USELESS! She's tired,cranky and has no time to practice

Love and nurture your child. There's tons of activities you can do at home. Art, sewing, knitting, gardening, reading.
Then if your child does become truly interested in a sport and or musical inst. check and see if your town has cheaper programs.(around here,if i sign my 3y up for soccer in a soccer club its 120 for 8 weeks, if I go through the town its 32 for 8 weeks!), or see if a teenage/college student who has learned piano or another inst. is looking to give lessons you could prob get them cheaper that way PLUS they might come to your house saving you travel/time

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by samy23

Does anyone else worry about this? I see so many people around us giving their children more opportunities than I am giving my child because they can afford to. I'm talking about after-school extra curricular activities, days out during school breaks and weekends, taking them here there and everywhere basically. Sometimes it seems like there is nothing for my child to do nearby within walking distance (to save bus or train costs), and nothing free besides the park and library. I wish there were museums close by or cheap sports facilities or something yk?

I totally, completely sympathize.

But the rest of posts here are right on.

[summer_time]

Is there a YMCA near you? I just took advantage of ours. The price is great for all of the benefits (classes, tumbling, dance, cheaper soccer. cheaper swim lessons). Plus ours offers reduced pricing if you are low income and said they won't refuse people that cannot pay. We didn't qualify, but we were close on one teaching salary, so you might check it out.

But as others have posted, don't get too discouraged. Kids these days run around like chickens with their heads cut off!!!

[happyhats]

First of all, I totally get the emotion of what you're saying. My dd isn't even two yet so she is pretty much happy with a cardboard box and I still worry about whether or not we give her enough.

I think the best thing to do is to compromise. Depending on what your childs interests are you can nurture them in a lot of ways. Also, limiting the number of outside activities is essential for both financial and sanity reasons.

Running around doing ten thousand things really isn't beneficial to anyone. I do think it's important to persue hobbies and activities outsid the home if your heart/head lies there, but kids don't have to be in track, soccer, dance, AND photography at once, and in the end you only cause burn out.

[applecider]

I too sympathize. But also agree with pps. I was one who's mom didn't have much money at all growing up. That is what made those very rare occasions when I took a lesson or went to a children's museum that much more special. I very much remember all those times now and never took them for granted. So there's that too.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

If it makes you feel better, I grew up in a very rural area with no where to go except the woods, and I have incredibly fond memories of my childhood and don't feel deprived in the least. My window to the world was books and I credit a lot of my current interests to being forced in my youth to escape into my imagination. So, I think the appearance of others giving their children "better" opportunities is just that: appearance. I believe children can grow, learn, create and have fun in any situation.

I could have written the above. We lived in the country and the woods and the creek were my playground. Friends lived too far away for my mom to just jump in the car and drive me over. And it was ok, I had a good childhood and don't feel like I missed out on anything.

OP - do you live near a university? If so, that might be a good source of free activities. I remember going to student concerts and free educational programs. My mom didn't miss a chance to take advantage of any free culture event.

[sweetcheeks]

Originally Posted by summer_time

Is there a YMCA near you? I just took advantage of ours. The price is great for all of the benefits (classes, tumbling, dance, cheaper soccer. cheaper swim lessons). Plus ours offers reduced pricing if you are low income and said they won't refuse people that cannot pay. We didn't qualify, but we were close on one teaching salary, so you might check it out.

But as others have posted, don't get too discouraged. Kids these days run around like chickens with their heads cut off!!!

:

Definitely check out the Y, if there's one nearby. Our Y has TONS of great programs and they're all free for members. There's a indoor rock wall climbing class, dodge ball, floor hockey, scrapbooking class, craft classes, basketball, just to name a few. Plus swimming lessons are free for members and they also offer a gymnastics program. Our Y (and I imagine most others are the same) has kids memberships. It's only $19/month/kid at our Y and like the PP mentioned, there is an application process for lower income families to get a reduced membership rate.

Also, not sure on the age of you DC and if DC attends public school or not but I've seen in the newsletter from my son's school information about KidSport applications. It's a program that helps families that can't afford sport activities (hockey, soccer, gymnastics, etc) and offers financial assistance so the child can participate. Is there something like that available in your area?

[philomom]

a) we only do one activity per kid anyway... too much else takes away from family time

b) many rec centers are sponsored in part by local governments and can often give you a scholarship

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by LemonPie

You know what? I grew up as the oldest of 6 kids. My mom was a SAHM. My dad worked as a mechanic. Money was *tight*. My mom taught me how to sew, crochet, can fruits and veggies, cook, bake. We grew a garden, she read to us, I played with my siblings and the neighbor kids indoors and outdoors. We found things to do.

Frankly, I think kids these days are over-scheduled with extra curriculars. Not that sports and other activities aren't beneficial to kids, but sometimes I think we underestimate the value of the time just spent 'in the nest' with family, especially if they're at school 6+ hours most days.

You're doing fine, mama

ITA w/all that.

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

If it makes you feel better, I grew up in a very rural area with no where to go except the woods, and I have incredibly fond memories of my childhood and don't feel deprived in the least. My window to the world was books and I credit a lot of my current interests to being forced in my youth to escape into my imagination. So, I think the appearance of others giving their children "better" opportunities is just that: appearance. I believe children can grow, learn, create and have fun in any situation.

This is how it is for my kiddos. They do not feel deprived at all.

We have the $ to do activities. We choose not to. We moved out here to *be* out here. The kids are soon to start piano, but that'll be our only activity until they decide they want to do something else instead (but they have to do at least 1 yr of piano first).

We do go and do things, but we reserve most of those activities for when dh can be there too. After all, he is the one out working to pay for the activities, and I work hard at home to make sure there is $ to do things. I'd say we only go and do an activity that costs more than $10 every 6-8 wks. Like recently we went bowling, which is rather pricey, but then the next weekend, we went fishing and to a park, which was free except for a bit of gas. Now we won't go and do anything for another month or more.

We make sure to have family supper together every single night that we can. Dh has been working til 9 each night for the last 5 wks and we haven't been able to, and it has hurt our family time so much. We are on the last week like this, though, and look forward to having Daddy home for supper and games each night!

I also grew up not having alot of pricey activities to do. We only went on one vacation that I can remember, and it was camping. I do not feel that I missed out on anything.

[Amys1st]

This week is spring break and the weather is co-operating to the point of sunny and 80 plus degrees. I am glad we did not go somewhere else. But we usually stay home anyhow on spring break.

I remember a story my MIL shared with me some years ago. It was a summer about 30-35 years ago. Her sister, was studying that summer and needed my MIL to look after her two boys about ages 8 and 10. They were similar ages to my BILs at the time, dh being about 4 and his younger brother about 2. So for 3 days a week that summer, she had 2 extra kids to look after. They used those days to pack a huge basket of sandwiches and take all these boys to several different parks in their town and surronding town. Some had playgrounds, some had a river nearby, some were in woods.

They went, played, ate, and played some more until tired then went home and my MIL's sister would fetch her boys. My BIL told his mom for years that was his favorite summer vacation ever. I always remember this when planning things for our family.

The times I remember as "fun" and great as a child were usually in my backyard with a party, running in our neighborhood, racing to catch the ice cream man, etc. Or just going to our town's public pool and running into other friends etc there.

A few years ago, a neighbor was having a party for her kids in the backyard. The kids wanted a "back to school" party. Basically, ordered pizza, and the kids played and could tye die a shirt if they wanted. When I picked up dd, she walked home skipping saying "mommy I had sooooo much fun....."

You could pay top dollars to go to your local zoo. You get in and your kids chase the pigeons and run after the squirrels in the trees.

We learned thru growing up simply that our kids are happier going out to eat as an occasional thing rather than the norm, hanging out with Mom and Dad, not hurrying and just stopping to smell the flowers are actaully more fun.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by caiesmommy

I work in music school and it's rediculous. MOST of the moms work full time just in order to put their children into programs, then they spend whatever free time they have shuttling the child back and forth here and there. The kids are tired and cranky, the parents and broke, tired and cranky and they are living in their mini vans eating whatever junk they can stuff into their mouths along the way and noone is happy.

Yeah, maybe everyone there should just *STOP* doing all that. Oh wait, then you'd be out of a job.

[Shakti77]

Hugs samy23!

Kids dont really *need* or *want* all those activities... My 3.5 yr old DD could be very happy with a daily visit to a park or library and reading books or blowing bubbles or helping me to bake or cook. We draw or play with playdough or do crafts etc and all these make her very happy.

If you like more activities, then maybe you can plan one for everyday of the week. baking day or crafts day or a play date with friends day or a library day or a picnic day or a hike-in-the-woods day and let the kids enjoy it. There are tons of activities you can find on the internet for kids to do.

You can also teach your kids yourself - sew, bake, cook, draw and paint (library books can help here), knit, crochet, play badminton, garden...etc etc
Look at your city with the eyes of a tourist and you might be able to find a lot of free places to visit nearby.

[TEAK's Mom]

My kids do far fewer activities than most around here and I like to think that they are happier that way. They have time to relax and read whole books in one sitting, or take hikes that last all day just because it is sunny. We have fun.