"making a mess with the food"- do you allow?

[hildare]

Speaking of beginning eaters, mostly.
My DH has really strong feelings against the babes making a mess- scattering, wearing, smearing, etc.
At first, I tried to explain that that's just what they do when they're learning. BUT then, I started thinking.. (uh-oh..) and, well, IS it necessary for little ones to smear/throw/wear/scatter the food? DH thinks it's just an American-ized thing, that children in other places don't waste food that way. Is he right? I'm starting to enter that camp. What do you think/do?

[phrogger]

I think that babies learn about food through feeling and touching. Of course they make a mess because they are babies, but that is how they learn to self feed. So I think it is totally normal and appropritate.

[Summersquash]

We generally let DD make somewhat of a mess while eating. That being said, if she's clearly no longer eating and just fooling around, we begin to wrap up mealtime (asking her if she's finished, offering her a drink of water, wiping her face, etc.) She usually has no problem with this if she's finished eating.

[Norasmomma]

Uh I just think babies are messy when eating, it has zero to do with where they live.

[hildare]

hm.. maybe let me rephrase.. in places where food is not such an abundant resource, do people tend towards not letting the babies make a mess/waste it?
also, as opposed to letting the babes throw around cereal puffs, for example, would you/do you just give them one at a time to practice picking up? or use the mesh thingies for sweet potatoes for example?
we're just approaching solids and trying to figure out how it works, and the only examples we have in real life are people who let the baby throw/wear/scatter LOTS of cereal, spoonfulls at a time of food, etc. and honestly, i'm not overly keen on it either. i get that they need to practice self feeding, but i was wondering if there are other folks in other places who do it differently?

[Chamomile Girl]

I agree that it is important to allow babies control over how they eat so that mealtimes do not become a time of strife and power struggle. For me this is really hard because I really cringe when my LO rubs food into his head and most of the meal ends up on his lap. Its still too cold to feed him naked, so that makes for more difficult laundry yk? Plus because of my distaste for stained clothing I can't see me ever feeding him on my lap...which is kind of sad.

That being said I don't really see it as a waste factor because I don't give him much food at a setting, and he just eats the same stuff we do. When the food ends up on his lap (or in his hair, *shudder*) I just scrape it up and put it back infront of him. He tries again and has a great time. And that is the important part imo, that he associates food with fun and love.

[LadyCatherine185]

From looking at your siggy, your baby isn't even 5 months old? IMO, that is too early to be starting solids for one thing. Also, way to early to expect them not to make a mess/play with the food. Here is a link from kellymom.com on waiting until at LEAST 6 months to start solids.

We let our DS explore/play with food, but like a PP mentioned, if he is just playing and not eating, we wrap up mealtime. And I don't give him too much at a time, either. I am less tolerant of the throwing/playing now that he is 19 months old and understands that he shouldn't throw food on the floor. But up until 16-17 months I just let him do his thing. It is how they learn to eat themselves. We followed the Baby Led Weaning/Baby Led Solids approach. There are some threads in here floating around about it, if you want to take a look!

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by Summersquash

We generally let DD make somewhat of a mess while eating. That being said, if she's clearly no longer eating and just fooling around, we begin to wrap up mealtime (asking her if she's finished, offering her a drink of water, wiping her face, etc.) She usually has no problem with this if she's finished eating.

This is what we do as well. I agree it is good to let them play with the textures and things of there food. FWIW my children are no longer playing with there food so I don't think it makes for children who always play with there food.

[Kelly1101]

How on earth would you prevent it? I mean, a very young baby isn't going to have perfect table manners.

[claddaghmom]

You ask about other cultures...well many cultures do not prematurely introduce solids to the baby, so maybe that is why there isn't an image of a baby smearing pureed foods everywhere?

For example, in India, 46% of their babies are exclusively nursed to at least 6 months. Boys are sometimes exclusively nursed to 9 months. They even have a special party where I guess what would be the godparent in our culture gets to give the first food to the baby.

Meanwhile, in America, only 11% of babies are nursed exclusively to 6 months.

So, on that point, yes, I do think your DH might be onto something.

But if you want to give a baby pureed foods and other finger foods and sit him in a highchair, I would 100% expect a mess. Even if you disagree with it, I don't understand how you could possibly stop it? I thought most babies were just starting to sit up unassisted and crawl at 5 months, right? In addition to those skills, he also has to know how to properly scoop food and put it straight into his mouth? And have the attention span not to play around? I don't think those are age-appropriate expectations.

DD started foods prematurely, but she did not get actual quantities of food until 6 months, and then mostly it was finger foods such as little puffs and soft veggies. No mess. When she was 7/8 months she was able to eat regular food with a spoon and fork, and not make a mess. So yes, at times when she did things like squish mashed potatoes everywhere, I would exlaim, "Uh oh! Mess-mess!" And then I would wipe it up, or if she was done I would clean her up and get her down from the table.

Now at 16 months she is working on mastering the butter knife and if she spills, she says, "Mess-mess!" And asks for a "bowel" (towel) which always cracks us up laughing.

ETA: we are dealing with toddler throwing though. If she is done and I don't catch her cues, she will simply start flinging her plate, bowl and food. *sigh*

[hildare]

..yes, she's 5 months. we're not feeding her solids, we're "approaching" it, as in trying to plan for that. she is sitting up, interested, (fascinated!) trying to grab, etc. which is what i thought the "baby-led solids" approach was..
at any rate, maybe i'm not explaining myself as well as i should/could be.
it's not about an expectation of table manners-- rather, like creating an environment of "yes," i was hoping to find suggestions about setting up meal times in such a way that food isn't wasted... not telling her no, not frowning in any way upon her actions with the food, and not assuming that she'll waste food later in life, but rather making the experience good for all of us in a way that the food maybe isn't as likely to be worn/thrown..
but apparently from everyone's comments, that's just the way the solid food goes at first? if it is, then it is, no problem with it being like that, but other ways could be better if they do exist...
and also i was soliciting input about whether, in places and circumstances, where food is a scarcity, are things indeed handled differently.
--aah- claddaghmom added a comment while i was writing.. that's what i was feeling for...
i seem to be having a communication off day altogether. sorry!

[Anna's Lovey]

I think it is a cultural thing. My MIL (who is Russian) was appalled at what a messy eater my daughter was at nine months. I can't imagine how on earth you train a baby to be a neat eater at that age! Personally, I was quite happy that my lo enjoyed playing with her food because it gave me a chance to do other things and i didn't mind cleaning up the mess. Now, at 23 months, my lo isn't so interested in playing with her food. I think she got it all out of her system.
I guess count me in with the lazy, messy Americans, because I didn't have the energy to hover over my lo and make sure every bit of food made it into her mouth.

[Novus]

Yes, we let DS make a mess...but only insofar as the mess is a result of him trying to get food into his mouth. If he's just playing with or throwing the food, we assume he's done and mealtime is over. But...with some of the mushier food, it's really hard for them to self-feed without making a mess, even if you only give them a little bit at a time. (BTW- we do only give a little at a time because too much seems to overwhelm him and he throws it all instead of eating.)

I grew up in India and the messy eater thing was very rare. But at the same time, no one I knew (in India) let their babies self-feed. They prevented the mess by spoon- or hand-feeding their kids until they were much older (4-5 years, at least). So yes, I can see where the messiness might be cultural, but I think it's because American culture promotes independence, not necessarily because it promotes wastefulness.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by hildare

..yes, she's 5 months. we're not feeding her solids, we're "approaching" it, as in trying to plan for that. she is sitting up, interested, (fascinated!) trying to grab, etc. which is what i thought the "baby-led solids" approach was..
at any rate, maybe i'm not explaining myself as well as i should/could be.
it's not about an expectation of table manners-- rather, like creating an environment of "yes," i was hoping to find suggestions about setting up meal times in such a way that food isn't wasted... not telling her no, not frowning in any way upon her actions with the food, and not assuming that she'll waste food later in life, but rather making the experience good for all of us in a way that the food maybe isn't as likely to be worn/thrown..
but apparently from everyone's comments, that's just the way the solid food goes at first? if it is, then it is, no problem with it being like that, but other ways could be better if they do exist...
and also i was soliciting input about whether, in places and circumstances, where food is a scarcity, are things indeed handled differently.
--aah- claddaghmom added a comment while i was writing.. that's what i was feeling for...
i seem to be having a communication off day altogether. sorry!

Oh you mean the throwing thing? It started about a month ago. First she would throw whatever food she didn't want, so we would say, "If you don't want that tomato, please put it here on this napkin." (or plate or bowl or whatever). It worked great...until she started flinging the entire plate or bowl. So if she's done with her plate, she just picks it up and heaves it. We're trying out an extension of the previous method. Now we say, "If you are done, please pass your plate to me." Sometimes she throws it towards us. But she's improving.

One thing I try to follow is keeping portions reasonable. Just ask yourself: how much of this do I want on my baby? If I give DD a little dab of ranch dressing to go with her carrots, then I can "control" the mess without making her feel bad. If she wants more, all she has to do is say "ma pease!" and she gets more.

I'd rather pass out several servings of foods than give all of it to her and have it down her shirt or on the floor.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by hildare

at any rate, maybe i'm not explaining myself as well as i should/could be.
it's not about an expectation of table manners-- rather, like creating an environment of "yes," i was hoping to find suggestions about setting up meal times in such a way that food isn't wasted... not telling her no, not frowning in any way upon her actions with the food, and not assuming that she'll waste food later in life, but rather making the experience good for all of us in a way that the food maybe isn't as likely to be worn/thrown..
but apparently from everyone's comments, that's just the way the solid food goes at first? if it is, then it is, no problem with it being like that, but other ways could be better if they do exist...
and also i was soliciting input about whether, in places and circumstances, where food is a scarcity, are things indeed handled differently.

I'd say just give her a small portion. We never put like, a whole banana on her tray. Just enough for a few bites, then when she was done with that, a bit more, etc. I wouldn't "overwhelm" with food.

But yes, babies learn to eat by playing with the food, feeling it, experimenting with how to use their mouth to chew and swallow. It will be a mess. There is really no preventing it.

But, until the baby is over a year old, solid food is just practice, anyway, not nutrition, so it's okay if the food ends up on her head or on the floor rather than in her belly.

I'd save the table manners for later, when the baby has an actual comprehension of her own behavior and can learn that type of thing. I'd think any attempt to curb food exploration at this early stage will just confuse and possibly put the baby off foods or make it harder for her to learn how to eat.

[beebalmmama]

We would stick with small portions to help minimize the waste and mess. I don't mind the mess with smearing on the plate/tray. But if ds started to throw food on the floor or put it in his hair, then I would assume he was finished and take it away.

[phrogger]

I see what you are saying (I think) I give my son finger foods and only a couple at a time. That way he is picking up the food rather then throwing it around.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Novus

I grew up in India and the messy eater thing was very rare. But at the same time, no one I knew (in India) let their babies self-feed. They prevented the mess by spoon- or hand-feeding their kids until they were much older (4-5 years, at least). So yes, I can see where the messiness might be cultural, but I think it's because American culture promotes independence, not necessarily because it promotes wastefulness.

I grew up in the US, but in a Indian family, and just want to second this experience. We were often fed from the same plate as our parents, mostly by hand.

Any thing that was leftover the parents ate. I still sometimes give my veggies to my dad .

[crunchy_mommy]

We have pretty much zero waste & DS has always fed himself... but there is often mess!! LOL!! We try to give him small amounts at a time & if he's clearly not interested, meal time is over. He drops food and smears it and we either just pick/scrape it up & give it back to him or let the dog eat it. I guess the dog is the key, he cleans up all the messes & makes sure there is no waste!!

[mirlee]

My son was a very messy eater. I let him mash it on his plate, on his face, between his fingers. I just made sure there wasn't a ton of food to mash so that it got all over the place. I think it's a good way for them to learn about food, textures, and to have fun.