DS is 28 months and has GREAT manners for a barbaric little toddler. He says "please" and "thank you" and has great table manners. He knows tons of words, and learns several new ones every day. He spends a lot of time playing with kids who are a little older than he is and is learning a lot from them. We talk about pottying and how his friends have underwear instead of diapers, and that seems to be helping him along in wanting to be diaper-free, or at least interested in learning.
The issue: My best friend's kid is 6 months younger, has only a few words, and the WORST manners I've seen in a kid. Not that I expect a 2-year-old to sit for tea with the queen, but her parents don't correct/redirect "bad behavior" at the table, like slamming her plate down repeatedly, banging her cup, throwing food, etc. I don't put up with those things in my house. I never have. It's REALLY unpleasant at a restaurant, and we eat out a lot, so from day one DS has been taught not to do those things. And for the most part, he doesn't.
Until now.... He spent the afternoon with her the other day, and now when he wants something, instead of saying, "Mommy, please --" and pointing or using the word if he knows it, he reaches, grabs and yells "YAYAYA!" Which is exactly what his little friend does. He's whining more. And today lunch was an embarrassment (and it was just us at home). He was banging the plate, not stopping when I asked him to, and generally being "bratty." His little friend is very spirited, and does what she wants. Her parents allow her to do so, and just act like they're helpless to control her. (Not that parents should "control" their kids, but YKWIM.... They don't TEACH her how to behave nicely, and don't expect her to listen to them, so she doesn't.)
I have worked very hard with DS to teach him to be nice. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes. Yes, I wish I didn't yell. Yes, I realize that sometimes I have unrealistic expectations. Believe me, I know I'm not perfect and I'm not saying I am. But I don't want to have to work even harder to undo the effects of him playing with her just b/c these parents think that "she's too young" for discipline. Avoiding them is not an option, as we're very close (like family). WWYD? How do you explain this kind of thing to a 2-year-old?
ETA: I know I sound judgmental. I don't mean to be. And I *LOVE* this little girl like she was my own. I think what really bothers me is that this behavior is her, not him. That's what she does, it's fine. No, I don't like the way she acts when we all eat out, but that's her parents' issue, not mine. My issue is that the banging, whining, and baby babbling isn't my son. So when he does these things, I see her, not him. It's like he's not my kid at that moment, and I wonder where he went, YK?
The issue: My best friend's kid is 6 months younger, has only a few words, and the WORST manners I've seen in a kid. Not that I expect a 2-year-old to sit for tea with the queen, but her parents don't correct/redirect "bad behavior" at the table, like slamming her plate down repeatedly, banging her cup, throwing food, etc. I don't put up with those things in my house. I never have. It's REALLY unpleasant at a restaurant, and we eat out a lot, so from day one DS has been taught not to do those things. And for the most part, he doesn't.
Until now.... He spent the afternoon with her the other day, and now when he wants something, instead of saying, "Mommy, please --" and pointing or using the word if he knows it, he reaches, grabs and yells "YAYAYA!" Which is exactly what his little friend does. He's whining more. And today lunch was an embarrassment (and it was just us at home). He was banging the plate, not stopping when I asked him to, and generally being "bratty." His little friend is very spirited, and does what she wants. Her parents allow her to do so, and just act like they're helpless to control her. (Not that parents should "control" their kids, but YKWIM.... They don't TEACH her how to behave nicely, and don't expect her to listen to them, so she doesn't.)
I have worked very hard with DS to teach him to be nice. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes. Yes, I wish I didn't yell. Yes, I realize that sometimes I have unrealistic expectations. Believe me, I know I'm not perfect and I'm not saying I am. But I don't want to have to work even harder to undo the effects of him playing with her just b/c these parents think that "she's too young" for discipline. Avoiding them is not an option, as we're very close (like family). WWYD? How do you explain this kind of thing to a 2-year-old?
ETA: I know I sound judgmental. I don't mean to be. And I *LOVE* this little girl like she was my own. I think what really bothers me is that this behavior is her, not him. That's what she does, it's fine. No, I don't like the way she acts when we all eat out, but that's her parents' issue, not mine. My issue is that the banging, whining, and baby babbling isn't my son. So when he does these things, I see her, not him. It's like he's not my kid at that moment, and I wonder where he went, YK?
We've been through it, and continue to go through it, with DD, who is 4, and her wonderful friends, who all have their own quirky behavior issues. You can't expect a child, and especially a toddler, not to imitate.
