Excited for the first time - Update, post 17!

[DirtRoadMama]

So, it hasn't been a happy pregnancy so far. The pregnancy itself was a total surprise (apparently that egg made it through birth control pills that I took at the same time every stinkin day). Then a week after I found out about the pregnancy, I packed a bag, and left with our daughter. And, I still have unresolved issues from DD's birth. Plus, honestly, I had such a hard time with DD for the first year that I didn't plan on having any more children.

So, like I said, it hasn't been a happy pregnancy so far. Today, I went and interviewed the midwives that practice in the hospital. It would be better than an OB, but still NOT what I want.

Since my relationship is up in the air, I looked into getting a doula. To make a long story shorter, the doula coordinator referred me to a midwife who does home births, WHO TAKES MY INSURANCE!!!! The only reason I was not doing a home birth was because the home birth midwife that I knew about was out of my price range, as a newly single mom.

I'm meeting the new midwife on Friday at 10:30. If we get along, and if my insurance really will pay for it, a hospital birth is not inevitable anymore. I'm so happy; my eyes have been welling up with tears ever since.

It feels like so much is out of my control right now, and loosing control of my body seemed like the final blow. To know that I *might* get that back... I can't even describe it.

I tried for an UC last time, but after 20 hours of active labor, I wasn't sure I could find the heartbeat. So, I went to the hospital. I had done UP, so they treated me like a druggie who didn't get prenatal because I had something to hide. After 10 more hours of labor, I finally asked for an epidural. 11 hours after that, DD was finally born. A lot happened that I wasn't happy about, so I'm going to be spending some time over with the birth trauma group. But, I thought I'd mention it here, just to help explain why it's such a relief to know that a home birth might be possible for me this time.

Anyway, YAY!!!

[Peony]

I am so happy for you! I've been bits and pieces of your story around MDC and I am so overwhelming happy that something is working out in your favor. I hope you click with her.

[DirtRoadMama]

Thanks, Peony! I'm about to head to the first meeting. I hope it goes well!

[Peony]

Let us know how it went!

[DirtRoadMama]

One of the first things we did at the meeting was call my insurance to make sure they cover her. She said they do! I have no co-pay for the pre-natal, and a $150 co-pay for the birth.

I just sat there in shock for a minute.

Honestly, I forgot to ask questions after that. We ended up talking about my last experience, and didn't get into what I wanted to happen this time. I'm going to write down my preliminary birth plan and bring it to the next appointment.

Now, I'm going to find a doula. There are several doulas-in-training in the area, and I have the contact information for three of them. I'm going to send them emails and start interviewing.

None of this seems real yet. Well, it seems real enough for me to be really happy about it, but it still doesn't seem really, really real.

[MegBoz]

Congrats!

Are you sure you'll need the doula even for an HB? Dont' HB MWs usually bring assistants? - so you'll have 2 women assisting you. If they're happy to 'support' labor with things like counter pressure & massage, that might be sufficient.

[DirtRoadMama]

Well, the thing is... The relationship with the dad is on the rocks, and I'm not sure where it will be when the baby is born. We have another DD together, and he wasn't much help during her birth, so I'm not sure I'd even want him there even if everything was awesome.

My natural-birth minded friend might be here, but might not. If she hasn't moved in with me, then she'll be about 3 hours away, and I wouldn't ask her to drive such a long way.

My other close friend isn't familiar with birth, let alone a home birth setting. I love her dearly, but I'm not sure she would be calm enough to rely on for support.

So, I'd be hiring a doula for emotional support. Even if one of the above people were there, I know I'd get upset if they left me because they were tired (that happened in my last birth). So, I want to know that, no matter what, I'll have someone there for me.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

Congrats!

Are you sure you'll need the doula even for an HB? Dont' HB MWs usually bring assistants? - so you'll have 2 women assisting you. If they're happy to 'support' labor with things like counter pressure & massage, that might be sufficient.

This is a good question. We had a doula at my first son's homebirth and will have one at this second home birth. And I *do* have a supportive husband. I think so long as the doula knows what she's doing and the personalities of her and the mama are a good fit, there's no way you could regret having the additional support. With the OP's situation, I can see why it would be particularly helpful--even necessary--to have that.

[mntnmom]

I am thrilled for you! I hope this birth *however* it turns out, gives you a chance to take back your power and heal. yeah for good insurance!!

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

Congrats!

Are you sure you'll need the doula even for an HB? Dont' HB MWs usually bring assistants? - so you'll have 2 women assisting you. If they're happy to 'support' labor with things like counter pressure & massage, that might be sufficient.

I made the mistake of thinking I didn't need a doula with my second birth because I had midwives. Midwives can get busy. And transfers happen. I'm so glad I had a doula with my third which did end up in a transfer of care and pre-term hospital birth that my midwife could not attend.

[cathicog]

Having a doula sounds like a good plan. Sorry about the relationship issues, but I am sure it will work out for you. Try to enjoy the rest of the pg as much as you can! Yay for the homebirth! That rocks! It may provide the healing you might be looking for, maybe? Single parenthood isn't easy, but btdt, and came out on the other side much stronger! Blessings to you!

[*MamaJen*]

I'm really glad that things are working out for you with the midwife. Having a doula sounds like a really smart plan.

[Burnindinner]

What good news about the insurance! Keep us posted on how things go. And your mw can probably recommends doulas she works well with and who know her and assist her well.

[DirtRoadMama]

I'm going to start calling the doulas this morning. I'll keep ya'll posted!

[emski4379]

I had a doula, and assistant, the MW, and my DH (who was great during *this* birth-not so great during the first one). Even with him being super supportive, I liked having the additional people there to help me during the labor. So I think having a doula is a good idea.

[DirtRoadMama]

Update!

I've contacted the three doulas who responded to the post the doula organizer made. One is completely (!) free, one usually charges $150 but will go down to $50 (just to cover her gas, she lives an hour away), and I didn't ask the other one yet.

Also, I'm keeping the organizer lady on my list, just in case I don't click with any of these ladies. I already feel a strong attachment to her, because I feel like she gifted me with the option to have a home birth. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I already feel a loyalty to her (I'm a very loyal person, it can be a downfall). She charges $500, though, so I have to weight that against my thinning pocketbook.

I might ask the doulas how they would feel if I had more than one doula present. My last labor was 41 hours (I think part of that might have been due to emotional stressors, and the more I've read about it, I might have been having back labor but I'm not sure), and there is no telling how long this one will go. I know I have a lot of issues with abandonment, so it might be helpful for the doulas to be able to take breaks (so I don't feel bad about taking so long), without me feeling like I'm getting abandoned again.

Anyway, I'm still SO excited!

[DirtRoadMama]

Another update!

So, I've finally chosen my doula! I had three wonderful ladies express interest, and it was a tough choice! In the end, I went with a lady who has lots of prior experience (but is not certified yet), and who wants to become a midwife. She and I clicked so well at our first meeting. She was very hopeful to finally attend a home birth, and seemed to have lots of ideas she's been wanting to try out. All of the ladies who expressed interest are doulas-in-training. This meant that the cost would be greatly reduced (free to $150, rather than around $400-$500), which meant that I could focus on really interviewing the person, rather than worrying about the money.

Also, I met with my midwife again last Friday. I was nervous about this meeting because I really didn't ask many questions the first time, due to the shock of finding out that my insurance pays for her. I wrote out a birth plan, and used a lot of strong language in it. I did this because she struck me as bossy in our first meeting. I found out that my first impressions couldn't have been more wrong. As she read through my birth plan and we discussed it, I could tell that she was shocked at the experience I was trying to protect myself from. She put all of my fears to rest, and we discussed how best to discuss things with me to keep me from putting up my self-protection shield. Meaning, using statements like "you need to" or "I think you should" will cause me to instantly self-protect, while statements like "maybe you would like to" or "this idea might help you". Anyway, I realized that she is not bossy, she just has a forceful speaking voice. I could tell that she made the effort to make it very soft and coddling for me.

I'm starting to realize how much the last experience really hurt me. I'm planning to order the :"Birthing from Within" book. I'm hoping it will help me work past all the negative emotions of last time, and help me focus on helping this little one out.