wicked PO'd about what someone said to me today! (vent)

[sosurreal09]

so i EBF DD who is 6 m/o...

i have been going through tough financial times and what not so i went to the housing authority today...
the ended up telling me they cant even help me and i need to go to a shelter but thats beside the point..

so the women says to me i can probably get day care vouchers so i can work. so i said well im trying to get a job at the Y or something overnight maybe so i can be with DD during the day and she asked me why...so i explained that my DD is a high maintenance baby and shes very spirited and attached to me so i wouldnt feel that comfortable having her in daycare so young. so her response was "i breastfed my son until her was 7 m/o and i HAD to wean him b/c he was so high maintenance and attached to me BECAUSE of the breastfeeding" then she goes on to tell me how it was the best thing she ever did because he had a huge "behavior" changed and wasnt crying all the time anymore...she also said how before she just couldnt go anywhere b/c he wanted to be with her all of the time b/c he was breastfed.
i just kept stareing at her...like REALLY?!?! now people are using breastfeeding as an excuse for their baby being high maintenance and wanting to be with them? like WTF!! my baby's personality and behaviors would not get better if i started giving her formula! she has reflux and sleeping issues and shes stubborn and has a million intolerances to food. i mean come on! none of our :issues: are from bfing! i feel like every time i turn around i get slammed with all the reasons why i SHOULD wean my baby! what is wrong with everyone?!?!

i recently talked to my grandmother as well and she asked if i was STILL breastfeeding and i said yes. then she asked when i would wean her and i said i wanted to do child lead weaning...
she called me a moron!
i can understand it a little more with her since shes older and they only breastfed for like 3 months when she had her kids...but still i just feel like there is so much negativity about breastfeeding!

[blessedwithboys]

to the housing lady, i would have said "i'm sorry you were given such terrible misinformation. its a shame your child missed out on so much by not nursing your baby for the biologically appropriate length of time."

as for g'ma: i just simply cut ppl like that out of my life.

thats just me, take it fwiw.

[CalaRei]

My father in law told me when my babes were 2 months old that they wouldn't be nursing for too much longer because I wouldn't want to be doing that after teeth. Now at 5 months, he's told my hubby that I won't "have to" do it too much longer because we can start giving them whole milk now?! When hubby explained the "at least 1 year" thing, I believe the response was something along the lines of "don't do that to them!"

TO them?! How about FOR them!

*shrugs* So weird, so weird.

[sosurreal09]

oh i love it when people say breastfeeding is soooo weird and then i say you drink breastmilk all the time. what do you think a cows utters are for? they get freaked out that they are drinking cows breastmilk lol

i dont understand why people in the US find breastfeeding so strange and even offensive. go to any other country and its like oh everyone breastfeeds no biggie. yet i always get the looks from people when im in public bfing my DD. one women even came up to me at the park once and said i have no problem with you bfing in public but its disgusting you would do such a thing in front of the kids! i didnt even say anything to her (im not very good at on the spot comebacks that are actually mature lol)

[tanyam926]

"Please keep your ignorant comments to yourself" is what I would want to say to someone who made a neg comment.

To other moms I try to be understanding bc I honestly feel that women in general have bought into all the bs from the so called "experts" and are not at fault when it comes to unsuccessful bf. To mean and ignorant people who can't keep their traps shut, I give them a piece of my mind.

[Jaesun's Dad]

My father in law told me when my babes were 2 months old that they wouldn't be nursing for too much longer because ...

Around one month my dad asked if we were feeding him peas and carrots ...

... i say you drink breastmilk all the time. what do you think a cows utters are for? they get freaked out that they are drinking cows breastmilk ...

Fortunately for me my grandparents had a dairy farm so I got educated on this when I was very young. (Also seeing cows give birth as a child prepared me well for that big event last January ...)

[amydiane]

I was in Lowe's once with DH and our 2 kids and I had to use the restroom.
When I came out, one of the employees, an older woman, was talking to DH and commenting on the kids. I think DH was holding DD at the time. Anyway, the lady was saying to DD things like, "Ooohhh....are you hungry?" (As a side note, why is that ALWAYS what people say when a baby is fussing? Like they couldn't possibly need anything else?) And DD wasn't even fussing or anything so I was a little confused about where that came from. So then she said to me, "I don't know if you're BREASTFEEDING, but...." and started going on about how her granddaughter had been BF but her mom (not sure if it was the lady's daughter or DIL) had to quit because the poor child was starving to death. Now I know there are legitimate supply issues, etc, and I have no idea what the mom's situation was, so I just said something like, "Oh, that's too bad." Then she said, "She was so skinny, just like your little girl!" Um, no, DD was around the 75th percentile for weight and has always been chunky....and DS is a former preemie who had eating issues and trouble gaining weight, so trust me when I say I would recognize skinny! So by this point I wanted to tell her she was nuts, but it was also getting late and I wanted to get going, so I figured if I didn't engage her, she'd stop. So as she was walking away, she said, "I know it's not always what we want to hear, but sometimes breastmilk just isn't nourishing enough!"

Anyway, DD was EBF until 7 1/2 months and is still primarily BF (we've introduced solids) and is still perfectly healthy (and chunky!).

[Lineymom]

[QUOTE=amydiane;15252309], she said, "I know it's not always what we want to hear, but sometimes breastmilk just isn't nourishing enough!"

QUOTE]

I think that opinion is common, unfortunately, as is the one in the op. My bf babies are super chucky and people always act so shocked that they are so big on "only breastmilk."
I think it comes from the observation of people who do have skinny bf babies, put them on formula and they fatten up. Not that all are like this, but I think some such moms really do not bf frequently enough and that starts the problem of not enough milk etc etc.
As for the op, I have heard this agrument before several times. It is from moms who really want their "freedom." Often times their babies do seem to thrive afterward... but I still feel sorry for them. Kinda like, imo, the baby who is "broken" by CIO.

[sosurreal09]

[QUOTE=Lineymom;15252554]

Originally Posted by amydiane

, she said, "I know it's not always what we want to hear, but sometimes breastmilk just isn't nourishing enough!"

QUOTE]

I think that opinion is common, unfortunately, as is the one in the op. My bf babies are super chucky and people always act so shocked that they are so big on "only breastmilk."
I think it comes from the observation of people who do have skinny bf babies, put them on formula and they fatten up. Not that all are like this, but I think some such moms really do not bf frequently enough and that starts the problem of not enough milk etc etc.
As for the op, I have heard this agrument before several times. It is from moms who really want their "freedom." Often times their babies do seem to thrive afterward... but I still feel sorry for them. Kinda like, imo, the baby who is "broken" by CIO.

i absolutely agree

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Jaesun's Dad

Around one month my dad asked if we were feeding him peas and carrots ...



Fortunately for me my grandparents had a dairy farm so I got educated on this when I was very young. (Also seeing cows give birth as a child prepared me well for that big event last January ...)

my father was a milkman and i grew up around the dairy all of the time!

[calebsmommy25]

It just breaks my heart that so many people are misinformed.

[sosurreal09]

errrrrrrrr today i got a comment about my babywearing!

i walked to the store with DD and the dog and im hooking him up to the bike rack there and there is a bunch of women standing around...aparently one is pregnant and this women looks at me and says make sure you dont do that for YOUR baby and the girl was like what put it in that thing she has her baby in? and the women says no drink coffe and shes like im not drinking coffee and she says you know drinking coffe is very dangerous for your baby....the girl was like what are you talking about? i just walked away...like WTF i had her in a wrap....not even a sling! goes to show how ignorant everyone is and how now everyone is going to think babywearing is terrible for babies now!! ERRRRRRR

[ariatrance]

Originally Posted by Lineymom

Kinda like, imo, the baby who is "broken" by CIO.

That is such an accurate description though.

I try to keep in mind that American culture is the abnormality. Most people are so full of advertising spin that it is all they can spit back out - there is no thinking for one's self. I am also getting braver about responding to people. Well, braver in my opinion, ruder in others.....

If some ignorant dope inflicts an opinion on me, I inflict my informed opinion on him/her - but not in too many words as his/her brain probably can't handle it.

Scenario 1:

Family: "I can't wait to babysit once you wean. It will be so much easier when she won't cry the whole time to eat."

Me: "Actually, she can totally go for a few hours between feeds. Plus she can eat finger foods and drink water. I've been wanting to see a movie, here you go. Oh - if she fusses, she probably needs to pee or sleep, not eat. Thanks!" (wave goodbye cheerily after kissing baby)

Scenario 2:

MIL: "How long are you going to breastfeed her?"
Me: "The World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatricians recommend a minimum of two years, so that long."

However, for full disclosure, I do live in the south. It is a very polite society here and really, I have never, ever seen anyone go up to another in public and negatively criticize what he/she is doing.....about anything. Most people here live and let live....very independent sub-culture.

I'm not sure where I was going with this post. Anyway - America is abnormal in regards to just about everything biological. We stop breastfeeding as soon as possible, we force feed our children and ourselves, we eat cardboard for nutrition, etc. ad nauseum.

[claddaghmom]

[QUOTE=Lineymom;15252554]

Originally Posted by amydiane

, she said, "I know it's not always what we want to hear, but sometimes breastmilk just isn't nourishing enough!"

QUOTE]

I think that opinion is common, unfortunately, as is the one in the op. My bf babies are super chucky and people always act so shocked that they are so big on "only breastmilk."
I think it comes from the observation of people who do have skinny bf babies, put them on formula and they fatten up. Not that all are like this, but I think some such moms really do not bf frequently enough and that starts the problem of not enough milk etc etc.
As for the op, I have heard this agrument before several times. It is from moms who really want their "freedom." Often times their babies do seem to thrive afterward... but I still feel sorry for them. Kinda like, imo, the baby who is "broken" by CIO.

Ugh I hated that one! DD was a chunky monkey and people always freaked when they found out she was nursed. I even had people claim I was lying. One woman said I was "lucky, b/c normal women can't do that."

I just

[amydiane]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

Ugh I hated that one! DD was a chunky monkey and people always freaked when they found out she was nursed. I even had people claim I was lying. One woman said I was "lucky, b/c normal women can't do that."

I just

I always wonder how the human race survived for so long if so many women can't nurse.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by amydiane

I always wonder how the human race survived for so long if so many women can't nurse.

thats MY BIGGEST point! all the excuses i have heard about oh i just "cant BF" and well thats funny i wonder what they did before formula was INVENTED hmmm....guess all of those babies just died of starvation huh?

where theres a will theres a way. i have seen mom who "so desperately" wanted to BF but the baby "just wouldnt latch" or my FAVORITE which i hear quite often "well my milk didnt come in for 3 days so i had to formula feed" really my milk didnt come in for three days either! hello did you even read up about the facts before you attempted this? colostrum is what a baby survives on and is neccesary for the first few days! it drives me crazy!!!

i have seen women who have had serious problems with latching in the beginning and there milk was drying up and they didnt give up on thier babies. they got that tube thing (forget the name of it) and taught their LO's how to latch and built up thier supply and eventually through very hard work managed it just fine! sometimes its not always easy but it is whats best! i tell myself about that for everything...not letting DD CIO...CIO is the easy way but whats always easy isnt best...bottle feeding...drugged birthing...i have "powered through" it all and im proud to say i am 22 y/o and have had a drug free natural birth and EBF and plan to BF however long my LO wants and i babywear and never let DD CIO. i love my child and i do whats best for her and put myself on the backburner. being a mother is about sacrifice and i feel like alot of women just dont understand that. its the greatest reward with the most difficult sacrifice IMO and i wouldnt change any of it for the world!

[sosurreal09]

and you are soooo right the American culture is definately the abnormality!

[autumnfairy76]

Originally Posted by ariatrance

I try to keep in mind that American culture is the abnormality. Most people are so full of advertising spin that it is all they can spit back out

After living in 2 other countries for the past 4 years, I have to agree with this one.

[Katie T]

The wic people told me I had to wean at a yr and that I shouldn't nurse DS at night anymore. He was like 18m. I quit going cause they pissed me off.

I hate people who are uneducated about the wonderful benefits of breast feeding! grr

[mambera]

Originally Posted by anielasmommy09

thats MY BIGGEST point! all the excuses i have heard about oh i just "cant BF" and well thats funny i wonder what they did before formula was INVENTED hmmm....guess all of those babies just died of starvation huh?

I do suspect it was probably much more common for babies to die of starvation in the past if there was a problem with the milk and no wet-nurse to be had.

My grandfather and my SIL's son were both born into breastfeeding societies, and both had what sound to me like true issues with bf. My grandfather was wet-nursed (till the age of 5!) and my SIL's son ended up on raw buffalo milk (and to this day has digestive issues, dunno if they're related). I think it's a mistake to imagine that BF issues never naturally occur.

Consider too all the preemies born in the US. Before modern medicine, how many 30-week babies do you think survived long enough for their moms to find out they were too small to latch?

Also even for term births I think standard modern hospital practices make BF much more difficult than it would be under other conditions. Given all the standard mother-baby separation, C-sections, pacifiers, bottles sneaked in the nursery, it's hardly surprising that so many women have trouble BF. I wouldn't call it an 'excuse,' rather a sad reality.

where theres a will theres a way. i have seen mom who "so desperately" wanted to BF but the baby "just wouldnt latch" or my FAVORITE which i hear quite often "well my milk didnt come in for 3 days so i had to formula feed" really my milk didnt come in for three days either! hello did you even read up about the facts before you attempted this? colostrum is what a baby survives on and is neccesary for the first few days! it drives me crazy!!!

You might find it in your heart to feel sorry for women who lost their BF relationship to a combination of bad luck, ignorance, and modern medicine. Rather than judging them so harshly.

sometimes its not always easy but it is whats best!
... being a mother is about sacrifice and i feel like alot of women just dont understand that. its the greatest reward with the most difficult sacrifice IMO

It's nice for you that you are so happy with your sacrifices. Perhaps you could take some of that motherly virtue and put it towards compassion for other women less fortunate than yourself.