Fertility returning, having reservations about birth control

[Babina's Mommy]

I recently posted in this forum about my period resuming just now and baby has just turned ten months old.

Baby #2 was a surprise. We were going to have another, we were just going to wait longer. Daughter and Son are 22 months apart.

Period resumed at about 12 months with daughter...got pregnant when she was 13 months. We used no birth control but were still shocked when we were pregnant because we had to try so hard for so long the first time. And the second time was incredibly easy....

So he doesn't want to happen again...and has agreed to Fertility Awareness as soon as a I have another cycle or so to make sure I know what's going on. I don't want to be on any pills or anything right now. So tonight he also bought condoms at the store.

I don't know why, but the whole thing has me upset. He has said we can have another one, but not right away, he doesn't want the next one being so close in age to our second. And I agree somewhat...but he said we should wait till our son turns 2 till we try again, and he is 10 mos. I know that's not very long but it seems it.

I turned 30 this year and that could be part of it. Hubby is 28. I feel like I only have a certain time period left to have babies. And I haven't had any birth control in 4 years and it feels weird and wrong. I feel upset that hubby wants to put off having another for awhile. Even though we should wait...because our two are definitely a handful. And while the newborn stage is so hard and I become so sleep deprived, I also love it and am addicted to babies...mainly, my own. Can anyone relate? Because I can't even pinpoint the exact reason I'm upset and would like to fling the condoms out the window. Not to mention the idea of the condoms grosses me out. I don't know why. The texture. I know...I'm being really silly...

[*MamaJen*]

I dunno, I guess hormones and biological reproductive imperatives are powerful things. You're feeling millions of years of evolution pushing you to reproduce, so in that sense, you're not silly.
But I definitely sympathize with your husband. There's nothing wrong with wanting to space babies a couple of years apart. Plus it can be really hard on your body having three pregnancies back to back.
It sounds like a reasonably good compromise, waiting another year to TTC. Maybe you could try to bargain it up a little bit, say, shooting for the baby to be born when your youngest is 2.5 or something.
Are you concerned that you won't be able to get pregnant if you wait another year?

[Babina's Mommy]

Are you concerned that you won't be able to get pregnant if you wait another year?

Maybe...in an irrational sort of way...I got pg with #1 at 26, #2 at 28 (but birthed the babies at 27 and 29)

30 or older always seemed so old...LOL...it makes me nervous, being 30 now...and I feel like, well what if I avoiding another pregnancy only to find out I cannot have another pregnancy. I guess I would be fine because I have two beautiful kids. But I would hate to miss a chance. I feel like I waited too long, even though 26 was still young, but that I have to do all my childbearing now, and that I'd better hurry.

[Amandala]

This post just makes me shrug. I live in a town where it seems like the overwhelming majority of parents of little children are over 40. At 29, with a 1 year old, I'm always the baby among the other parents of babies, often by more than a decade. And the very idea of having two children makes me shake in my boots... let alone three. Never more kids than I have arms, I say. We're strongly considering adopting a little sister for our son at some point....way in teh futurez.

That's just someone else's perspective.

[Babina's Mommy]

I was nervous about having two when I was pg with #2. I didn't even want two. Then when he came...it was awesome...I love it...yes it's chaotic a lot of times...the only part I wouldn't look forward to and when it was hard would be the first two weeks...haha, but yes, another baby is in my future, I guess we will just wait awhile and try to do natural family planning...part of me just wants to 'wing it' but I'm becoming more accepting of my husband's wanting to wait about another year to TTC. I think I might try to get him to shorten that timespan a little though, haha...but we'll see. Hubby tried saying that we should only have 2 kids because we have only 2 hands, but I have said I wanted 4 children and joked that us together have 4 arms so that makes it ok...ha!

[MaryLang]

You know you CAN use FAM or NFP before you get your period back.

[lmbjer]

I understand.

I actually cried this month when af came because I would never have another baby in my 20's.

In a world surrounded by people happily having children into their 40's I suppose that seems odd, but it was like overnight my biological clock went haywire.

I want more babies...now! lol and I cringe at the thought of bc. So each month we faithfully practice withdrawl. (We are waiting a few years so I can stay home) And each month I pray for a really good swimmer.

[akind1]

I get you: I will be 29 this year and I so want to at least be pregnant with #2 before I'm 30, though logically I really want DS to be 1 before we TTC again. I am not really opposed to an oopsie! but I am also committed to breastfeeding, and until DS can be on cow's milk I don't want my supply to diminish. sooo . . . . we either don't do anything during fertile time (which since I have had only one AF, means any time before O; I don't know what my cycle lenghth will work itself out to be) or use condoms. once O is over, then we don't bother.

what will be, will be I think - and I take some comfort in that.

[zjande]

Well, here are my own thoughts that may we WAY off of your reality, but I'm going to share anyway.

If I were in your shoes, I can totally picture myself feeling sad if my dh brought home BC. Even if logically I knew that having another baby right now isn't ideal, and even if I didn't actually really want to have another pregnancy right now.... my emotions would be feeling sad that my dh didn't embrace my fertility, and any & all potential kids we might have together. Like, I love that my dh loves our large family, and I love what an amazing dad he is.... I think I'd feel offended, even though it would be completely silly of me, I'd feel offended that my dh didn't want to accept any fruits of our marriage- to sum up in a corny way. Does that make sense?

So, maybe you are being silly, but I would be too! We women "think" with our emotions instead of our logical brains pretty frequently. Thank goodness we have men & their logic to balance us out, and vice versa.