to frame the problem...
we met with my 7 year old boy's school principal about 2 weeks ago. the principal said that every single day, a different teacher comes up to him to mention the interaction that they had with my son. He refuses to recognise the authority of anyone in the school and is extremely dismissive of teachers and students alike. he'll actually hold up his hand, "talk to the hand" style, and walk away. in a small scale example of his behaviour, his teacher was telling the class about blackbeard the pirate, and said that he was born in 1682. DS's hand shot up and he took out his pirate book, and full of attitude, he brought it up in front of the class and corrected his teacher that the pirate was born in 1680. kind of funny, yes, but imagine dealing with that as his teacher, on a daily basis... he flies off the handle in a moment with the kids and picks fights - usually just shouting matches, where he's red and hollering 2 inches from someone's face - occasionally the fights are physical as well. he's clearly miserable. he is lucky enough to have one very close friend at school - otherwise, he seems to be caught in a social trap of his own making.
it's the same at home. we can't get through an afternoon, much less a day, without him flying off the handle about something. he generally doesn't respond to the first 5 requests that he do anything at all, and when he does finally respond it's with shouting, attitude, and feeling persecuted. he has developed a hearty chip on his shoulder and a persecution complex. it's a conspiracy against him at home and at school. he lies freely to get himself out of trouble, and never, ever backs down from a lie.
he's smart, which is almost certainly part of the problem (he's in an language immersion school, and speaks and reads at high levels, good in maths etc. he's in whichever advanced classes the school has, but socially he's fairly clueless). he's always understood how to interact with adults better than children. in the past, the only way i've gotten him to change any behaviour (and believe me, there's been a struggle on every front, from meals to bed to baths to leaving the house to whatever, every single day) is by taking him out of the situation of normal life and having a frank, respectful discussion with him. this stopped working about 9 months ago, when his attitude problems intensified.
i think i've tried everything - positive reinforcement, punitive measures of taking away privileges, goals to work toward, many many tactics.. i'm feeling at the end of my tether and my son is feeling like he's got a bad life. we're considering professional help because we're clueless as to how to make him feel and behave better. any advice would be welcome!!!
we met with my 7 year old boy's school principal about 2 weeks ago. the principal said that every single day, a different teacher comes up to him to mention the interaction that they had with my son. He refuses to recognise the authority of anyone in the school and is extremely dismissive of teachers and students alike. he'll actually hold up his hand, "talk to the hand" style, and walk away. in a small scale example of his behaviour, his teacher was telling the class about blackbeard the pirate, and said that he was born in 1682. DS's hand shot up and he took out his pirate book, and full of attitude, he brought it up in front of the class and corrected his teacher that the pirate was born in 1680. kind of funny, yes, but imagine dealing with that as his teacher, on a daily basis... he flies off the handle in a moment with the kids and picks fights - usually just shouting matches, where he's red and hollering 2 inches from someone's face - occasionally the fights are physical as well. he's clearly miserable. he is lucky enough to have one very close friend at school - otherwise, he seems to be caught in a social trap of his own making.
it's the same at home. we can't get through an afternoon, much less a day, without him flying off the handle about something. he generally doesn't respond to the first 5 requests that he do anything at all, and when he does finally respond it's with shouting, attitude, and feeling persecuted. he has developed a hearty chip on his shoulder and a persecution complex. it's a conspiracy against him at home and at school. he lies freely to get himself out of trouble, and never, ever backs down from a lie.
he's smart, which is almost certainly part of the problem (he's in an language immersion school, and speaks and reads at high levels, good in maths etc. he's in whichever advanced classes the school has, but socially he's fairly clueless). he's always understood how to interact with adults better than children. in the past, the only way i've gotten him to change any behaviour (and believe me, there's been a struggle on every front, from meals to bed to baths to leaving the house to whatever, every single day) is by taking him out of the situation of normal life and having a frank, respectful discussion with him. this stopped working about 9 months ago, when his attitude problems intensified.
i think i've tried everything - positive reinforcement, punitive measures of taking away privileges, goals to work toward, many many tactics.. i'm feeling at the end of my tether and my son is feeling like he's got a bad life. we're considering professional help because we're clueless as to how to make him feel and behave better. any advice would be welcome!!!
