Stbx trying to screw cs-- Help please!

[darien]

Yesterday, stbx gave me a "complaint for divorce." I assume he hasn't had it filed yet, since he just handed it to me, instead of having it served.

He put in that I wouldn't ask him for alimony, but NOTHING about paying for the kids' tuition, activities (anything above and beyond cs). Nothing about college, either.

The complaint said he would have them one weekday overnight, 2 weeks in summer, and Fri. night through Mon. morning every other weekend.

We had a verbal agreement on visitation, and have been carrying out, for a month. Sunday nights were NEVER part of the agreement. He put them in so he could have them 35% of nights, thereby lowering his cs obligation.

I don't want him to have Sunday nights, and the cs the complaint offers is laughable. What do I do?

[JBaxter]

There is a formula in Maryland for child support. You can counter with YOUR proposal. They will also take in to consideration for who carries the medical insurance. In my divorce it does state we split childrens fees both activity and medical dental but nothing about college and I dont believe they will push the college unless its agreed upon.

You need a lawyer of your own. ALSO get language about who claims them on the taxes and who gets to pick weeks of vacation ( like you alternate yearly who gets first pick on week one.) I have language that my kids will not be gone more than 1 week at a time unless agreed to in writing. which I have never done.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by darien

What do I do?

Counteroffer.

[Goodmom2008]

Originally Posted by darien

What do I do?

Counteroffer with a request for spousal support and guideline child support and that medical and extracurricular activities are split in proportion to your incomes. And that the parenting time continue to be what is currently happening. That said, you need to find out what the norm is for parenting time. It could very well be his offer of parenting time is what a judge would order. If it is, give in to it to get something else, such as him not arguing about including extracurricular activities.

[MissLotus]

What do you do? You bring him back to the real world, where he will be paying child support, and make a provision about the kids' activities, health insurance, etc. AND, ask for maintenance/alimony. Not to screw him over, but he's being such a tightwad that you need to counter-offer asking for more to end up somewhere in the middle.

I would not agree to the Sunday nights either, if that's not what the children have been doing anyway.

I don't know if you have a lawyer already but you surely need one to look over this agreement and vouch for YOU. Remember, those are things that he wants - his wish list, that's all. That does not mean that's what he actually gets. You have some leverage too, so don't be intimidated by his list!

The lawyer will help you put a counter-offer into legal language, and might make him back down a bit, as well, if stbx knows you're being advised.

[Ione]

You might want to check your state's rules regarding service. His handing it to you in person might count as you "being served"...

For the rest, the previous posters have given good advice, IMO.

[HappyTomato]

Yes, get a lawyer so you don't get screwed. This is too important and oh so difficult to change after the fact. You have set a precedence with the current custody agreement -- judges usually don't go against the precedence so don't give in on the Sunday nights. A lawyer can help you get alimony and cs payments started temporarily until the divorce is final. You may need to do that if this drags out for very long. My ex was content to drag the divorce on and on as long as he wasn't having to pay cs. Divorces can be a really, really long process if they are contested. Mine took 18 months. A friend of mine is going on 3 years with hers. You don't have to wait until its final to get financial help. Consider having him pay for your attorney fees as well since he is the one asking for the divorce. HTH

[baby1november2010]

Well, he handed you a complaint for divorce: was it signed with a Proof of Service and/or a verification? And also, that complaint is laughable at best: how could he expect you NOT to ask for cs and alimony? My legal opinion (as a law student and someone with 2 years of family law experience), countersue for a dissolution of marriage and file a joint judicial council form with child support arrangements and get ready for a battle. Make sure you sit down with a lawyer and go over what's important to YOU and know your state's cs accountability laws: how do they calculate it? how do they enforce it? What percentage of physical custody does he have to have in order to qualify for a reduced cs arrangement? One more thing, I hope that complaint for marriage is actually petition to dissolve a marriage and it hasn't been filed yet, because if it is, then what he did, by serving you himself as a direct party to the action, is illegal. Hope that helps.