I do have friends. Good friends. At least 3 good friends, and, I don't know 10 or 20 fairly good acquaintances that I've known for a long time.
But these are people with their own young children.
It's one thing to be friends, and pitch in during an emergency. Could I spend the night at their house if DH flips out or, knock on wood, our house burns down? Yes. They would be there in a heartbeat.
Can I live with them for a couple of months, or weeks, while I get on my feet? No. And I wouldn't ask them. It would be imposing on them and they have lots of their own issues (not like mine, but different).
Do I have friends who can babysit a few hours? Yes, of course. And they do. Do I have friends with whom I can leave my child for 3 days while I travel for work, expecting them to pick up and drop off at day care. No. And I wouldn't ask them. That would be a major imposition.
I do have friends. But friends are not my parents. It's not that I just need to work on building relationships.
I had a great relationship with both of my parents for decades while I was the giver and the provider. Groceries. Gas. Clothing. Money. You name it, they needed it, and I gave it. I could not sustain that. So, even when I did see and talk to them, they weren't helping me one bit. Neither showed up for my college graduation and that was years before I had drew that line in the sand. Granted, I still love one parent dearly and have a good relationship, it's just very one-sided and I know that is all it can ever be.
As I've said before, I spent decade helping my parents and my family. And, you know what? When I had my one and only baby, via emergency c-section, and really needed help, there was NO ONE there. No one. And it wasn't because of my attitude or because I hadn't reached out to people.
Were my friends going to take off work for a week for me after my c-section? That really isn't a friend's role, traditionally, and I don't think they really understood that I had no one because 1) my parents are alive and 2) not too many people have parents as bad off and dysfunctional as mine.
I'm not religious. I did not grow up in a church or religious environment (as you might suspect, given even the short description of my parents). I am not going to join a church to make connections because I don't have a personal religion. I would be using them, and I just don't believe in going to church because it's not a part of my life at all and never has been.
I realize I probably sound defensive and I don't mean it that way. I'm just trying to find my legs that have caved in underneath me somehow after having a baby. I never expected to become this vulnerable having a child. I have always been independent because I've never had anyone to depend on from the time I was born.
Having a baby changed all that, or maybe it was the combination of that and this darn economy and difficult housing market.
Honestly, it seems like the solutions you are looking for are all based on other people/things changing- your DH, the economy, your job. I was only trying to suggest something that help move you into a direction where you felt confident to make changes in your life. I'm sorry if you found my post unhelpful.
And I purposefully put "church or other organization" in case you weren't religious. There are plenty of things to get involved in that aren't religious and I'm sorry if you were offended.