The other thing that I just thought of with regard to DH and his use of the female derogatory words is that when DH was in high school and in college (more high school though) he ran with a group of friends that included mostly guys but a few sort of "tough" girls. They smoked, drank, dressed in a very masculine way with backwards hats, etc, and they swore left and right and were just generally very coarse (my guess now as an adult and parent is that they were dealing with some inner pain or issues at home that they were covering up, and I don't mean to stereotype, I'm just talking about these particular girls who ran in the same circle as my then-teenaged DH). The way they joked was almost always in sexual terms. There was always teenage kind of joking and smirking about really "teenage taboo" topics like beastiality, etc. It was small town, unenlightened, teenage rebellion.
Anyway, I think those girls had no problem with some of the words DH uses now. And I think DH has a frame of reference from that. Perhaps. I think this based on reading through some of DH's high school year books, the backs of school pictures given to him, and letters, etc. It was all swear words, references to alternative sexual positions, beastiality, etc.
I had a VERY different experience in high school, and didn't hang with that sort of crowd. I don't have any notes, pictures, yearbooks from high school where anyone scribbled THOSE sort of messages with THAT sort of language or themes.
None of the people I knew spoke that way or talked or joked about those things.
But DH thought and thinks those people were/are "cool." (And to each their own, they can talk and act how they want, but that isn't how I was then or now, and I wonder if that was just a symptom of wanting to fit in as teenagers and if they have grown up a bit since then).
He also thinks those people had "good senses of humor." Since DH and I have known each other, since the early days of dating, he always said or felt that I was a little bit prissy, Goody two-shoes, and had no sense of humor because I didn't like the sexual and taboo banter. I found it to be, well, stupid and I just wasn't comfortable with it.
But, he still married me and I still married him. And I was fine up until he started calling me those names. But, to be honest, I've never really liked the idea that DH would laugh at very crude jokes, could watch movies that were demoralizing to women, bought pornography, etc. I've never liked that aspect of him.
So, I guess, in a way while I'm shocked at his use of these words as names for me or any other person, I'm not shocked that he thinks they are common-lace and that I am some Puritanical princess for not liking, tolerating, or dismissing them easily when he uses them.
If I'd only known 10 or 15 years ago what I know today...