Queer Conceptions April 2010 - Page 8

[justrose13]

QOTD: we have a kind of awkward moment and then i have had an orgasm but not everytime... one time i was trying to and i wasn't into it and i swear i just pushed all of the swimmers out! the last time i had an IUI at the doc's office and it was completely different (of course). i was relaxed and didn't really think a whole lot about any of it... and that was nice...

burg, WELCOME!! i hope you stay here is short and sweet! please post all updates in bold... if you want me to add a link to your chart, please post and consider it done! i have moved you to the catagory Waiting to Know, Braving the TWW. FX for you!!!

lauren, i just switched to IUI and it worked the first time (after 6 cycles of at-home ICI) i had really wanted DP to do the IUI at home, as our bank only sells washed and sends the vials will all the stuff you need for IUI, but alas, she was also afraid... good luck

giggle, eeekkk!! i hope this is it! i have no idea about when the HCG from the trigger left my system, i never actually POAS! can you beleive it?! i should, just for fun... as i have never seen a +hpt!

seraf, your kiddos sound fabulous! reading about them makes me so excited to meet our own little seedling...

max, sounds like possible implantation to me!!!

escher, i echo the whole TTC is so expensive, well for us anyway... we used midwest and they sell washed vials for $200, and only $75 for shipping (but that depends on location), no registration fees, no profile fees, and free picture matching (you send pic and they match). we loved them!!

newbian, FF is such a pain sometimes... it moved my O a day back during the end of my cycle because i reported watery CM toward the end... why would that change my O date in that way?! i have no clue!!! but good thing is, it usually corrects itself. i'm glad you are confident that you know your own body!!

afm, i had my 3rd and final beta this morning and won't get results until tomorrow... once i hear that number i will be joining the Q&P thread, but will also be staying here to support you all through the rest of this month!

if i have missed an update, please post in bold. thanks!

[LibraryLady]

Newbian: We did ask about why our guy was on sale, and they said they have a program to encourage/enable more people to make use of their services and they just put a certain percentage of their donors on sale for a while and rotate through. We're just lucky that our guy's one of them. And since we're on the subject of donors and banks, what does everyone look for in their donors, aside from the obvious 'no history of mental illness' etc. (assuming you're using a bank and not a kd. Though I'd be interested in that too). I'm very short and from a short family, so I insisted on a donor over 6 ft tall, high IQ. My sweetie is half Portuguese and we were fortunate to find a guy who was half Portuguese, so that she could feel like she has more of a stake in the theoretical kiddo as well. If I were doing this solo, my first choice would've been one of the donors listed as blonde and 6'7". VIKING BABY!

Welcome to everyone!! Best of luck to us all! And you can FOR SURE be in the Leo club!

[AmandaMom]

burg - Welcome!!! I felt the same way you do when I found this thread. You've come to the right place. This is a fantastic group of people!

Library - We were really trying to find a donor with red hair. DP desperately wants a ginger baby! I've got red hair, but it's so uncommon, we wanted to increase our chances. We also wanted a donor with a baby picture available. After looking at medical histories and personalities, we were unable to find a suitable redhead. DP was very choosy and really tried to get a feel for the guy. For example, we're vegetarians, so if his favorite foods were red meat, burgers, and ribs (one guy put exactly that), he was out. We plan to share all the information we have with our child when the time comes, and we put a lot of thought into what s/he might think when s/he saw the profile. The donor we're trying now looks nothing like either me or DP! He sounds like a really good person, though.

seraf - Your kids sound awesome!! What a wonderful family you have. for you!

escher - I can relate to those costs! Sounds exactly like our monthly bills... but we are trying with just one vial each cycle. Maybe if I'm not successful after 2 or 3 tries if I will move to 2 vials a month. I would honestly mortgage the house to have a baby, if that's what it takes!

max - It sounds very promising!!!

giggle - Waiting with bated breath!!!

AmandaHope - I know your timing will be perfect. You sound so much more relaxed now that you have your monitor. Good luck this cycle!

Newbian - Isn't it funny how much we depend on FF? Sometimes I will return to it later in the day, as if it will be different from when I saw it two hours ago... or two hours before that. LOL!

No news from me... I'm on CD3 and thinking I prefer the 2WW.

[giggleblue]

the test got more faint... but it's still not over. i don't know. i forgot how much this sucked.

[CascadiaMama]

escher12 - sounds about right for costs. We've budgeted $740 per month, enough for one IUI vial + priority shipping from California Cryo. On advice from a doctor we spoke with at a fertility clinic open house, we're doing one vial per month for six months before upping the ante. She basically said that if we were going to pay for a second vial, we might as well just pay to have her do it - same minor increase in chances, but emphasis on minor.

giggleblue - fingers crossed!

seraf - good luck with your timing and your serendipitous delivery!

Originally Posted by LibraryLady

As for a good/bad middle name for Zephyr, how about Aereopagitica? I told my sweetie if we have boy and girl twins we should name them Phil and Rhoda Dendron.

How about Phil Aereopagitica Dendron? Phil A. Dendron. Has a nice ring to it

maxK - fingers crossed! Sounds promising...

Originally Posted by lauren726

although I'm not a member of the Amanda club, maybe there should also be a Leo club. I could join that one

I'm in favor of starting a "Team Amanda," and a "Team Amanda Fan Club"!

Welcome burg!

Originally Posted by LibraryLady

And since we're on the subject of donors and banks, what does everyone look for in their donors, aside from the obvious 'no history of mental illness' etc. (assuming you're using a bank and not a kd. Though I'd be interested in that too).

We started with matching my DP's ethnicity - which narrowed us down to about 10 donors in the whole country. After that, it was easy - I insisted on someone fairly slender. I don't care much about their proportions once the baby's grown, but I'm thinking about nine months from now when I have to give birth to this baby! I think banks should add a data point about size of donor at birth. Really, though, final donor choice came down to a very cute baby picture - we ended up going with our close-2nd choice based on a very sweet baby smile.

AFM my monitor gave me a high reading yesterday and today. Last month I only had two highs before a peak. Just to be safe, DP ordered the swim team today. They'll be here on Wednesday, and we're planning to do an at-home IUI when all signs say go. I've given DP many pep talks, and I may have to talk her through step by step - but I'm feeling like it will go smoothly.

Could you add the link to my chart? It's in my profile dropdown menu. Thanks!

[LibraryLady]

AmandaM~ You're a redhead too? I'm putting my fist up to the computer in the 'Wonder Twin Powers- Activate!' sign. We're going to do it! I thought about looking for a redheaded donor, and I would if I could know I was having a girl, but red hair doesn't look as good on boys (I think because their wearing mascara is frowned upon...) When we were deciding we didn't look at any pictures of the donors, mostly we read their self-descriptions and also the 'staff impressions' of the donors. The guy we picked was described by the bank staff as friendly and personable and with 'the most gorgeous head of hair we've ever seen'. It was kind of a weird sensation to be 'person shopping'. I like your steering away from avid carnivores~ that's an interesting trait to look for/avoid.

Amy~ your choosing someone slender is a neat trait to look for as well, and smart! Like I said, I wanted someone tall, but we ruled out a few guys who were tall and really really heavy. There's a difference between being a large person and being obese, and if I can avoid any disadvantages I will.


Giggle, that's got to be to tough. Let us know how it goes. Everything is crossed for you.

AFM~ nothing really. 5 dpo, ever so much enjoying my progesterone suppositories (NOT!)

Fingers crossed for everyone! It's a tough time, but we have each other.

[seraf]

LibraryLady - This time around, well, I was looking for tall, but this guy is only 5'9" But he looks like dp more than any of the others. It's weird, thinking about having a kid who could look so different than the kids I have now. They don't look alike to me, but she looks so different than us that I'm excited to see the mix.

Lauren - I agree about the cost of inseminating being crazy. I think kids cost as much as inseminating if you pay for childcare, I guess. My kids were practically free as babies, I swear it. They nursed, slept in my bed, wore hand me downs, even hand me down cloth diapers. Former DP and I each worked half the week or so, so they were never in childcare, but always with a mom (still are). I always ate a lot, so I don't think the food cost was noticable. Even now, I buy socks twice a year, all other clothes come from the thrift store, so 20 bucks 3 times a year. New shoes twice a year. Recently bought new boosters for DPs car. I think the food bill has doubled since DP moved in, but that is not the fault of the kids. I spend less on food than I did before kids because I'm more focused on healthy eating and whole foods to set a good example. Health insurance didn't go up that much. One extra doctor visit a year each and 2 extra dental visits each. I have a cheaper house now because I moved out of the city. I don't think it adds up to the monthly expense of TTC.

Seraf

[AmandaMom]

Library - I felt the same way about redhead males! I expressed that to DP, and since then she has been pointing out cute redhead boys and handsome redhead men. She was the one who really wanted our child to have red hair at first, but I came around. I'm still hoping for a girl, though!

AFM, my last two temps have been slightly high. My temp usually drops on CD2, and it did, but then went back up for 3 and 4. They're not crazy high, just above my usual coverline. Hopefully things even out when it comes to O time.

[indigoscot]

when choosing a donor, we picked someone healthy who didn't have mental illness or alcoholism (dp's family has both) or arthtitis (both our families have this) in his family. everything else was secondary to that. we didn't dwell too much on looks since we knew we would both by carrying and dp is 1/2 filipino.

as it turns out, ds1 looks just like me but is tall like our donor. ds2 looks (so far, he's only 3 months old) just like dp!! he is also big for his age. just goes to show how genetics can be!! as far as i can tell, ds1 and ds2 don't appear to share any facial traits.

g

[AmandaHope]

cd 15 and request for advice!

Hi, everyone! I love the action and energy on the board, right now!
Welcome, burg!
Lauren I guess I might consider moving to IUI next month, if I were you, but I understand the reticence. Trying to get the timing exact and the expense are downers...but look at Wehrli! Such an IUI success story! I hope this is your month, though, and there won't be any future cycles to worry about.

As for the donor conversation, I'd say that we were looking for two main qualities: excellent mental and physical health history and a good guy who would be a caring and responsive KD to the kid. With our KD, we have both *and* (coincidentally) he is of the exact same ethnicity as my DP (who doesn't care about that in the least). I think it is nice, though. I have to admit (rather sheepishly) that I'm also happy that he is crazy smart and also a talented and passionate musician. The recent high sperm counts are great, too. So I'm super happy about our KD, BUT...

URGENT! I need advice about whether to ask him to send swimmers today!
I'm on CD 15, but I Od on late 19 or 20 last month, and I tend to have fertile mucous and an open cervix for DAYS at a time (almost a week last month!) before O. OPKs usually work for me, but not always. I'm trying to do two fresh (through the mail) inseminations this month--ideally on the day of the OPK positive and the following night. (I think that I O about 36 hours after the positive, though I'm not sure).

So here is my situation this morning:
-OPK at 10am was clearly negative (very faint line)
-Today was my fourth "high" day on the monitor
-Cervix is open (though possibly not all the way) with clear stretchy mucous
-I have fertile mucous, though not as much as I typically do on the day before and the day of O

The question is...do I have him ship swimmers for an insemination tomorrow? Or do I wait one more day?

My current thinking is: ship today, insem tomorrow, and if I don't get an OPK positive tomorrow, skip one day and do the second insem the day after the OPK. BUT there is a good chance that tomorrow might end up being too early and that waiting one more day might make better use of the first insem. THOUGHTS?

Thanks so much for the help! I need to get back to KD asap and just don't know which way to go! The good thing is that I'm not freaking out; having two shots at this makes me less anxious; I'd just like to make the best decision possible, you know?
-

[escher]

Quick response for AmandaHope--I'll respond later to everyone.

AmandaHope: Since fresh sperm lives a while, it seems safer to get some in you and then see when you want to do the second insemination. Do you usually O on 19/20, or was that unusual last month? If you ALWAYS O that late, it might make sense to wait another day to have him ship, but if you sometimes O earlier, I agree that it would make sense to get the sperm on it's way to you. How exciting!

Originally Posted by AmandaHope

URGENT! I need advice about whether to ask him to send swimmers today!
I'm on CD 15, but I Od on late 19 or 20 last month, and I tend to have fertile mucous and an open cervix for DAYS at a time (almost a week last month!) before O. OPKs usually work for me, but not always. I'm trying to do two fresh (through the mail) inseminations this month--ideally on the day of the OPK positive and the following night. (I think that I O about 36 hours after the positive, though I'm not sure).

So here is my situation this morning:
-OPK at 10am was clearly negative (very faint line)
-Today was my fourth "high" day on the monitor
-Cervix is open (though possibly not all the way) with clear stretchy mucous
-I have fertile mucous, though not as much as I typically do on the day before and the day of O

The question is...do I have him ship swimmers for an insemination tomorrow? Or do I wait one more day?

My current thinking is: ship today, insem tomorrow, and if I don't get an OPK positive tomorrow, skip one day and do the second insem the day after the OPK. BUT there is a good chance that tomorrow might end up being too early and that waiting one more day might make better use of the first insem. THOUGHTS?

Thanks so much for the help! I need to get back to KD asap and just don't know which way to go! The good thing is that I'm not freaking out; having two shots at this makes me less anxious; I'd just like to make the best decision possible, you know?
-

[AmandaMom]

AmandaHope - I agree with escher. Those fresh swimmers can live in your body for a couple of days, especially considering those great numbers KD got recently. It's better to be too early than to late, IMO! Good luck!

[burg]

Thank you for all the welcome messages!

Great reading about the process that others went through choosing a donor. It was very important for me to go with a KD because I was adopted and feel as though having huge question marks on both sides is somewhat risky. Our KD is the brother of one of our close friends and is an all around great guy. He is 5'10'' which is great because I am just barely 5'1". We did not choose him based on looks at all but afterward noticed how much he resembles my DP- bonus there In fact, the smart tagging feature often tags pictures of my DP as him and vice versa.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories & getting to know you. Fertile thoughts, all!!

[LibraryLady]

AmandaH~ I agree with everyone else. Get the fresh ones in, you'll o in the next day or so and they'll still be in there waiting.

Did anyone else see the show recently, in the UK it was called The Great Sperm Race and here it was called Sizing Up Sperm. It was on NatGeo tv and it took people and dressed them in white and showed equivalents of what the sperms actually go through. So right after 'ejaculation' the 30,000 people had to run full speed through a rocky canyon. Many of them got tired or were overcome by the others and were 'out of the race'. Then at the end of the canyon, where the sperm would be approaching the cervix and using the mucous to get up there, the people had to climb a huge ladder. The best part was in the uterus when the sperm were being chased by 'leukocyte zombies'. It was FASCINATING and really gave a clear picture of what our bodies go through to make this baby stuff happen. Highly recommended.

I'm really loving everyone's discussion of their donor choices. Burg, that's really wonderful about how you wanted a kd because you were adopted. That really would put a different perspective on things. My sweetie and I did choose the 'open' kind of donor, where the child can contact the person after they're 18. We both felt that it's not ours to deny the kid any knowledge of their origin, even if they are to understand that person is not a legal option for them to go live with because they decide we're cramping their style

AmandaM~ it is true there are good looking redheaded men, but it's also true that when it's not flattering, it is SO NOT FLATTERING! A girl can get away with some of it, but I think it's harder on guys. Maybe I'm just projecting.

I too am loving the energy and discussion on the boards. We're so awesome!

[maxK]

QOTD- Well, every vaginal insem we did by ourselves I was able to orgasm before. In general they would go smooth but the first few times we did it there was a certain level of edginess in the air. We were so nervous and afraid we would do something wrong. Now we are more relaxed. The second IUI we did with a midwife here and I forgot to have my orgasm in the room beforehand. Oh well. Our last one was perfect because it was just us at home alone and by this time we feel like we are pros at this game.

AFM- DPO 10 and temps are still high, actually very high. My acupuncturist also said she has never felt my pulse so strong before. I haven't spotted recently so I'm excited, maybe that really was implantation spotting. When do people usually start testing? I'm anxious but scared to do it too soon.

[lauren726]

AmandaHope: I agree with everyone too. The fresh swimmers can live for several days; if you ovulate early, you're covered, and if you end up ovulating late, you'll have that covered by the second insem.

Welcome, Burg! I'm new here too, and I'm glad I found and joined this great group of folks

Yay for redheads! I'm more of a light auburn though. Our donor has brown hair, but has a bunch of family members with red hair, so you never know! When choosing a donor, we were mainly looking for intelligence, personality, and good health (and a cute baby picture certainly didn't hurt). But we did choose a donor who has brown hair and who is not very tall (DP is only 5'2" with brown hair and eyes).

MaxK: that sounds very promising! How long is your LP? 10DPO might not be too early to start testing...but I'd probably wait until the day before AF is supposed to start.

AmyPDX: good luck with your at-home IUI! I'm sure everything will go smoothly!

AFM: I got a +OPK yesterday at 5:30pm, so we decided to do the insem last night. OPK was still + this morning, and my temp was way down (96.7). I think we'll do the second insem tonight, because I tend to ovulate the day after the first +. Hope our timing is right this time!

[escher]

Hi Everyone,

It's interesting to hear all the different reasons for choosing a donor. It's neat that we all have different ideas of what we want! We chose the donor we are currently using because he is tall (like my wife and her family), healthy, fairly young, identity release, and loves to read. We like him but aren't madly in love with him, so if he doesn't work this cycle I think we may end up changing to someone new. We both very much wish we could use a KD, but we just don't have anyone who seems like they would work.

MaxK: It sounds like you have some fantastic signs! Strong pulse AND high temps--what a combination!

Lauren726: Good luck with your second insemination tonight!

Burg: Welcome! Your KD sounds great!

AmandaHope: Is some sperm on the way to you now? We'll have to send you lots of Team Amanda power over the next few days!

AmandaMom: My temps have been annoyingly high too these past few days. We can hope for dropping temps for the two of us and rising temps for the other two Amandas.

LibraryLady: !! Sizing Up Sperm sounds interesting--I'll have to look for it!

Indigoscot: That's a good reminder that we can be as careful as we want with donor choice, and we still may be surprised about how our kids look.

AmyPDX: Hooray for insemination time! I hope that the IUI is smooth and easy. (And, on a side note, I think your idea of a Team Amanda Fan Club is brilliant! )

Giggleblue: I'm sorry the test was more faint, but aren't people always saying that a pregnancy test can't tell you how pregnant you are, just that you are pregnant?

Wehrli: (That's all I have to say for you! )

Seraf: How exciting that you are entering the 2WW! I hope your second insemination is great.

AFM: Thank you, everyone, for your support regarding the insane cost of all of this. I think I got overwhelmed yesterday when I was reading Brill and I started to think more about how long this could take and how much that would cost. It also didn't help that yesterday I got what felt like a rude email from someone at our fertility clinic, and it made me angry that we are giving them money. But it is good to remember that (1) I may get pregnant this cycle (or at least sometime soon) and (2) we can take breaks and make different choices as we go. I need to figure out how to use a speculum so that we can start to think about the possibility of doing home IUIs--you all have inspired me!

[AmandaHope]

Thanks!

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I really appreciate it. I just don't have anyone else to bounce these ideas off of (DP is not into the minutia of all this). BUT...to make a long story short, we're not sure that KD has enough buffer (the egg medium that keeps the swimmers alive and well during shipping), and I'm also now concerned that the second insem (if it is 1 or 2 days after the first) will have low counts. I just spoke with a tech at the NW Andrology lab where I buy the shipping kits, and he confirmed an ideal of 3-5 days between fresh ejaculations. SO...we're just going to do one shipment, and since I haven't gotten an OPK or a peak on the monitor, we're going to wait one more day. As for when I O, it was day 19-21 in the fall, then day 14 for two cycles, then day 19/20 last cycle...so who knows? My signs this time are very similar to last cycle, though, so day 19 or so might well be how it goes.

Thanks again!

[AmandaHope]

Originally Posted by maxK

AFM-DPO 10 and temps are still high, actually very high. My acupuncturist also said she has never felt my pulse so strong before. I haven't spotted recently so I'm excited, maybe that really was implantation spotting. When do people usually start testing? I'm anxious but scared to do it too soon.

Max--so exciting! That's GREAT that you had some spotting (but don't now), that your temps are high, and that your pulse is strong! Those all seem very promising to me. I only have a 11 day LP and so test on day 10 or 11. I'd say that if you can hold out until 12dpo, you're pretty unlikely to get a false negative. That said, I probably couldn't hold out. Good luck!

Lauren Your timing sounds great! Best wishes!

[Newbian Mama]

Originally Posted by LibraryLady

Newbian: We did ask about why our guy was on sale, and they said they have a program to encourage/enable more people to make use of their services and they just put a certain percentage of their donors on sale for a while and rotate through. We're just lucky that our guy's one of them. And since we're on the subject of donors and banks, what does everyone look for in their donors, aside from the obvious 'no history of mental illness' etc. (assuming you're using a bank and not a kd. Though I'd be interested in that too). I'm very short and from a short family, so I insisted on a donor over 6 ft tall, high IQ. My sweetie is half Portuguese and we were fortunate to find a guy who was half Portuguese, so that she could feel like she has more of a stake in the theoretical kiddo as well. If I were doing this solo, my first choice would've been one of the donors listed as blonde and 6'7". VIKING BABY!

Welcome to everyone!! Best of luck to us all! And you can FOR SURE be in the Leo club!

That sounds like a very cool program and lucky for you all. I should suggest this to the bank I'm using! Also the show on National Geographic sounds fascinating. I'll have to see if it's available to watch online.

As far as a donor, I originally wanted a donor who is Black, over 6', had good vision since mine sucks, and had a good sense of humor. There were very few Black donors and I didn't like either of them. I felt stuck so I did a lot of soul-searching and spoke to my family and I decided I would use a donor of another race. The donor I ended up selecting meets all the other requirements and I got to see a video of him which made me like him more.

Almost my entire family is over 6' tall so I would've used the Viking too

ETA: Oh yeah, I had to have an identity release donor. I know lots can happen in 18 years but I wanted to at least give my kid a chance to meet the donor.