Spin-off the "clean/play" thread

[berry987]

It's interesting (maybe I'll make a poll!) that most of the replies to that thread say they don't "play" much with their kids. Setting up play, interacting, reading books, including them in cooking/cleaning, answering questions, etc. etc. are all part of it, but not so much "play." I am the same way and sometimes feel a twinge of guilt that I'm not on the floor playing Legos (like my DH does) or playing tag in the backyard (because they are always asking me to).

But, for the most part, I feel like Mom's fulfill a different role in kids lives. We create order and place and comfort. We provide love and tenderness and guidance. And no one can do it all - so if you are doing all those things, you can't really ALSO be on the floor all the time.

Sometimes I see those mom's at the park who run around the whole time playing (I'll go down the slide occasionally, of course, but the whole time? No.) and they look strange to me. Like they're not really natural with it - more like trying to play.

And then there's the thought that OUR mothers probably didn't play with us. Mine certainly didn't. She was a fun mom, laughed a lot, created a happy home environment, but I don't think I ever saw my mom playact or roll around on the floor. That was my dad.

Anyway, thoughts?

[SoCaliMommy]

I just wanted to say i'm totally like that also. At the park i will go down the slide a few times with my son but after that i want him to play with other kids and i will go and sit down and knit while keeping a eye on him.

I know what you mean about the guilt i felt that yesterday when my husband's friend came over *he's job hunting* and he got down on the floor and was playing with my son with his toy cars.

[mtbmomma]

I am the complete opposite, I love to run around and play with my daughter and really wish we didn't have to share the playground with others so I wouldn't feel self conscious doing it. I always thought it was odd how parents just sat on the sidelines while their children played. DH and I both agreed before we had kids that we did not want to be that kind of parent (please don't take offense, that is just not our preference).
Although as a SAHM to a 17mo dd who refuses to play on her own, I would love if she would give me 10-15 minutes to just do my own thing. I am pretty sure that will change once she is out of this stage, but maybe not. I guess to each their own.

[CherryBombMama]

bah i messed this one up and cant figure how to delete ... sorry!

[CherryBombMama]

Originally Posted by mtbmomma

I am the complete opposite, I love to run around and play with my daughter and really wish we didn't have to share the playground with others so I wouldn't feel self conscious doing it. I always thought it was odd how parents just sat on the sidelines while their children played.

same here! i LOVE playing with my son at the park, but i feel so silly/stupid for being the only one out there, and that feeling always makes me tone down my "playing" with my ds

not that i play with him all the time. the early morning is strictly "play by yourself time" just so i can get some of the noisy things done. after his nap he gets 100% of my attention ... i play all he needs ... after another nap, i usually pass him on to whoever is available (we live w/ the inlaws.) then its family play time about an hour before bed .. my dh, ds and i just sit in our room and watch tv, read books, lay on the bed and roll around

[berry987]

Okay, now that everyone is saying they play, I'm feeling like I need to clarify (because I don't want to come off as the big grump who only cleans!). I do actually tease, dance, jump around, and of course I am often a jungle gym for my kids (although I'm not fond of that - they are big!). Often. And I guess that is play. But I meant more "being a playmate" for my kids. Their playmates are each other and neighbor kids.

Maybe it also has to do with age of kids....because I do play with my 1 year old all the time. Everything to him is play. But my 5 and 3 year old have very specific things they do - setting up lego/action figure battles, dressing up like superheroes, going out in the backyard to catch robbers, etc. And that's all them...I don't participate in that.

Although I definitely don't get all over the climbing equipment at playgrounds. I actually get a little irritated when parents are on the stuff because they tend to get in the way of kids and bring down the whole "I am a wild jungle animal" vibe for the kids.

[noobmom]

Don't feel guilty. I don't like to play either, for the most part. I do enjoy building things, so I can sit down with DS and build a train track or put together something from Legos, but once it's built, I don't enjoy pushing the trains around or vrooming cars endlessly. Luckily, DH is great with that kind of stuff.

As for the playground, I'm a sidelines parent, too. I can and will get up on the equipment if DS needs me to, but for the most part I encourage him to play with the other kids. If we are the only ones at the park, then I'm more likely to play with him, although that's changed now that I have a newborn to hold now.

[JayGee]

When I'm at home, I am more likely to "set them up, and let them go" while I do what I need to. I am happy to set my children up with art projects, games, etc. while I clean, cook or whatever. Right now my DD is out on the screened in porch, singing songs to her My Little Ponies, while I'm on MDC. Personally, I'd rather eat my left leg than play My Little Ponies .

But at the park, or the pool, etc. I love to play with my kids. I take my DD2 to open gymnastics every Friday , and it always strikes me as odd that all the Moms just stand around chatting (or texting ), while I'M the one playing tag, hide and seek, jump-in-the-pit with THEIR kids.... But I do enjoy active play a lot, so maybe that's why I do it.

[newbymom05]

Well I'll be the no-play grump, lol. My DH is a great dad and a playful, engaged dad, but once he's home, that's pretty much all he has to do. It gives me a break, everyone enjoys it. But when I'm here alone during the day, if I'm playing, there are household things (or free time ) that aren't happening. I'm always tempted to feel guilty on the weekends when DH is totally involved in some fabulous project with our kids, but to make myself feel better I imagine if the kids could walk into his office any time they wanted for any request. I'm doubting he'd have the patience or the completed work or the fabulous play projects. And don't get me wrong, I certainly don't clean or work all the time, but errands, schedules, bill paying, house maintenance, laundry, meals--it adds up, and it's hard to get big blocks of time to do it. That's my excuse, anyway.

[nina_yyc]

I too am the no play grump. DD is painting the windows (don't worry, washable) while I'm sitting on MDC nursing DS. Since I made the decision to stop feeling guilty about being a grump and teach DD that the world doesn't revolve around her, her independent play has come a looooooong way.

[zinemama]

Not only do I not play, but I don't feel guilty about it, either.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by berry987

Although I definitely don't get all over the climbing equipment at playgrounds.

It's because I've got a 19 month old who thinks she's 3. She'd love to run around the climbing equipment herself, but she's just as likely to step out of an opening as up a staircase. I also have to remind her to sit to go down a slide.

(Also, the "jungle animal" kids have nearly knocked her over before and I see no reason why she should have to stay home or whatever just because she's smaller. They slow down for big kids, so it's not like it's all THAT different to slow down for me and her. Me being there just makes her more visible so they don't have to concentrate on avoiding her.)

[phathui5]

I don't play much with my kids unless it's something that I'm interested in myself. For example, dh and I took our younger kids (6, 4, and 2) for a ride on a 5 seater bike/surrey at the park today while our 9 year old rode alongside. I was dying to try it; I didn't really do it for the kids. I also read to them and play Wii with them because I genuinely enjoy those things.

I don't, however, play Pokemon, Bakugan, Star Wars Wii games, tea party, etc. Those things are why the kids have siblings and friends to play with.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Not only do I not play, but I don't feel guilty about it, either.

Totally.

[berry987]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

It's because I've got a 19 month old who thinks she's 3. She'd love to run around the climbing equipment herself, but she's just as likely to step out of an opening as up a staircase. I also have to remind her to sit to go down a slide.

(Also, the "jungle animal" kids have nearly knocked her over before and I see no reason why she should have to stay home or whatever just because she's smaller. They slow down for big kids, so it's not like it's all THAT different to slow down for me and her. Me being there just makes her more visible so they don't have to concentrate on avoiding her.)

Getting on the equipment to help your toddler and "playing" on the equipment with their kids are very different things IMO. And the "jungle animal" vibe isn't about letting big kids run and plow over toddlers, I mean that bigger kids, who are finally able to handle the playground w/out parental help, like to get into their imaginary worlds and having a parent involving themselves up there the whole time tends to put a damper on that. My boys are very considerate of other kids, especially little ones (they have their own toddler brother to look out for). I wasn't implying that your toddler should stay home...just that parents get on my nerves when they get too involved in kid world.

[rootzdawta]

I am not a "player" naturally but since reading Connection Parenting by Pam Leo, I have been trying to be more playful. I still won't tussle and roll around on the floor but I have been trying harder to actually get on the play equipment and play with them at the playground. I feel really uncomfortable and awkward doing it though but I can appreciate how much they enjoy it and come alive. What I am comfortable doing is playing catch with my oldest and chasing my youngest . . . and really just trying to get into whatever games their playing at least to a larger extent than I once was.

[honey-lilac]

Originally Posted by berry987

I mean that bigger kids, who are finally able to handle the playground w/out parental help, like to get into their imaginary worlds and having a parent involving themselves up there the whole time tends to put a damper on that. ... just that parents get on my nerves when they get too involved in kid world.

That's a good point. I love my own imaginary games (and I did when I was a kid as well) but I never particularly liked to play pretend with OTHER kids. I liked to do it on my own. Same thing now, really. I will totally go off in my fantasy world sometimes (maybe not acting it out like kids often do) but I don't usually join in on my kids' fantasies. Pretending I'm a race car driver or fireman doesn't thrill me. Pretending (while on a hike or something) that I am walking in the wilderness and I'm going home to my cave or something, does excite my mental flow. Call me weird, but I still like a good game of pretend.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by berry987

Getting on the equipment to help your toddler and "playing" on the equipment with their kids are very different things IMO. And the "jungle animal" vibe isn't about letting big kids run and plow over toddlers, I mean that bigger kids, who are finally able to handle the playground w/out parental help, like to get into their imaginary worlds and having a parent involving themselves up there the whole time tends to put a damper on that. My boys are very considerate of other kids, especially little ones (they have their own toddler brother to look out for). I wasn't implying that your toddler should stay home...just that parents get on my nerves when they get too involved in kid world.

Ah, gotcha.

[Qalliope]

I love to play with my kids. That's a big part of why I had them.

But not on the playground. That's when they are being social and learning the skills to deal independently with their peers, and I don't like to interfere with that process. I do run with my toddler, but mostly because she hasn't mastered everything yet.

I play a lot of Indiana Jones, Star Wars, robots, dinosaur adventures, pirates, etc. outside, and there are games of diner, playing with baby dolls, dress up, puzzles, board games, scavenger hunts, pillow fights, flashlight tag, etc. inside. I'm a big believer in learning through play, and I try to be a source of inspiration by exposing them to new ideas and being receptive to theirs. I find I am less stressed and get more done if I make time for this kind of interaction with them, and they play better independently or help when I need them to if they get this kind of time with me.

[Kelly1101]

My mom played, actively, with us (not constantly, but for a little bit every day, at least). I intend to as well. I do lots of interactive play with my baby (1 year old), and hope to continue as my kids get older.

Could be because of my childhood, but I see it as normal to play games, toys, tag, etc. with the kids. Isn't that the most fun part about having kids?