going to school

[coleslaw]

I'm not sure whether to post this here or in the school forum, but after homeschooling since the beginning, my 9yo wants to go to school this fall. She's curious and I don't blame her. My son will be going to preschool as well. (I actually decided to send him to preschool to give dd and me more school time together, but oh well!). I go back and forth on how I feel about it. I have so many things to think about, but I'm finding that I just feel lost. Kind of like empty-nest syndrome. I'm falling apart at times (not in front of the kids). Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have tips for my daughter, for our process in getting her into school and once she is there? Thanks for any thoughts!

[justthinkn]

I think there's a support thread for school after homeschooling in the schooling forum...

[Linda on the move]

There are lots and lots of former homeschoolers on the Learning At School board. My DDs started school at 10 and 12. It's been wonderful for them and me.

[oceanbaby]

I am in the same boat. We homeschooled from the start, and now ds1 wants to start school - 4th grade this fall. I go back and forth between being excited for him to have this new experience, and feeling heartbroken about losing our time together.

[Lillian J]

Good for you for letting her make that decision! And I'm here to testify that there is life after homeschooling for moms - lots of it! I loved homeschooling, and dearly loved all my time with my child from birth on into his college years, and there is definitely a transition time that can be pretty hard - just as it can be hard seeing them drift excitedly off into their teen social world that doesn't include adults - but this stage of life is honestly one of the best times of my life. My grown son was here today helping me with some projects, and it was very sweet - I love his company, but I also love seeing his independent spirit exploring all the different options he's presented with in his own life, and my own independent pursuits are so exciting at this point that I can't say as I really miss anything anymore. It just takes awhile, but it will come together - and it takes really getting down to doing what you really enjoy for yourself. And you'll have all those after school hours, weekends, summers and holidays - you might be surprised at how quickly those times will roll around. I think you'll have an important advantage in thinking of ways to joyfully utilize those times to their fullest from having homeschooled for so long.

And for whatever it's worth, I've personally known parents who managed to keep a very close relationship going with their kids who were going to school - as well as kids who stayed positive and wholesome through the process. In fact, it was kind of weird when I worked for a while with two young men who had just been through college - I was great buddies with one, but had a personality glitch with the other one. I had been sure the fun one had homeschooled, but he told me it was just that his parents had always had a lot of interesting friends and conversations going on at their home, and he had always been part of it from an early age. And I couldn't have been more surprised to find that the other one had homeschooled - but he had come from a more authoritarian family and hadn't been close to his parents in the same way. So much for my own notions of stereotypes !

As for helping your daughter in her own new journey, all I can think of is that you can reassure her as she goes along that there are some odd social notions that can permeate group dynamics like that, but that they can be overcome with a level head and self confidence. You might want to pick up a copy of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. And you might enjoy Guerrilla Learning: How to Give Your Kids a Real Education With or Without School, by Grace Llewellyn and Amy Silver.

All the best - and try to get moving as soon as possible in pursuing things you love doing and learning about, as well as meeting more people who share those kinds of interests. - Lillian

[coleslaw]

Thank you everyone for your information. I'll check over on the school side to find those threads. Oceanbaby, good luck to you and your ds this year. I'll be thinking of you as the fall comes around.

Thank your LillianJ! Your posts have always been so helpful to me here in hs-ing and now you privided me with so many wonderful thoughts and sources to get me through this new chapter of our liveds. I can't tell you how comforting it was to read your words. Like I said, I'm having a hard time, but I know we will get through it and maybe life will be better as a result. I'm going to check out those books, too. Thanks again!