DD's best friend is a boy who goes to K with her and whose mom is one of my best friends. They are actually very different kids: DD loves books and drawing and has no interest in sports, and the other boy loves sports and science and has no interest in books or drawing. Most of their friendship has been based on silly play or pretend play. They have at times seemed to have crushes on each other.
They have always squabbled sometimes, but recently it's gotten really bad. Mostly, they argue with each other over facts--what kinds of clouds are those? What is that plant called? What is 10 times 100? Or even just random stuff, like arguing about what some other kid was wearing or said in class that day. Both of them like to be right, and they will just go around and around. They also both seem very quick to take offense from the other--"She keeps telling me that and I ALREADY KNOW THAT!" (That one is huge.) There is also a lot of "He/she won't play what I want to play." They will also fight over who gets to go first, etc. The friendship seems to have a lot of competition to it.
I have generally had a policy of not intervening and letting them work it out, but recently they just seem unable to do this. They escalate into yelling at each other (never anything physical) and the other boy has been asking to leave playdates early. Despite this, they both say they want to continue playdates.
They do spend a lot of time together--all day in K, and then they have two playdates a week in the afternoons (his mom and I have arranged this for various reasons). Maybe they are just together too much, but this is not a new arrangement, and it used to be fine. Perhaps they are just growing apart. I'm not sure.
Any ideas to help them work it out better? Problem-solving techniques? Ways to snap them out of the negative groove? Maybe there are some cooperative games or exercises I could try with them?
Not sure if this matters, and I hope I do not sound obnoxious here, but DD is somewhat ahead of the other kid when it comes to academic stuff. He is a very bright kid and knows a lot about many subjects, but in many/most of the arguments they have about facts, she is right and he is wrong. (I do not usually tell them who is right, though I will confirm or deny if they ask me--they usually don't.) She also is a fluent reader, while he is not reading yet, and this is something that seems to come up between them. She is also a good artist, and he seems to have some fine motor delays (I don't really think this one is an issue, but it might be, I guess...they do compare drawings sometimes). It's possible that he feels a little insecure. However, there is some balance here, because the other boy is very coordinated and athletic and DD is not, and is aware of her lesser ability and a bit jealous of his. I do not feel like DD is being especially obnoxious or superior about this stuff--but as I said earlier, she wants to be right (and so does he). The need to be right/desire to correct is something we continue to work on with her at home, but she is not an inherently competitive child. She usually does not care if she loses a game, for instance (whereas the other boy cares fiercely).
They have always squabbled sometimes, but recently it's gotten really bad. Mostly, they argue with each other over facts--what kinds of clouds are those? What is that plant called? What is 10 times 100? Or even just random stuff, like arguing about what some other kid was wearing or said in class that day. Both of them like to be right, and they will just go around and around. They also both seem very quick to take offense from the other--"She keeps telling me that and I ALREADY KNOW THAT!" (That one is huge.) There is also a lot of "He/she won't play what I want to play." They will also fight over who gets to go first, etc. The friendship seems to have a lot of competition to it.
I have generally had a policy of not intervening and letting them work it out, but recently they just seem unable to do this. They escalate into yelling at each other (never anything physical) and the other boy has been asking to leave playdates early. Despite this, they both say they want to continue playdates.
They do spend a lot of time together--all day in K, and then they have two playdates a week in the afternoons (his mom and I have arranged this for various reasons). Maybe they are just together too much, but this is not a new arrangement, and it used to be fine. Perhaps they are just growing apart. I'm not sure.
Any ideas to help them work it out better? Problem-solving techniques? Ways to snap them out of the negative groove? Maybe there are some cooperative games or exercises I could try with them?
Not sure if this matters, and I hope I do not sound obnoxious here, but DD is somewhat ahead of the other kid when it comes to academic stuff. He is a very bright kid and knows a lot about many subjects, but in many/most of the arguments they have about facts, she is right and he is wrong. (I do not usually tell them who is right, though I will confirm or deny if they ask me--they usually don't.) She also is a fluent reader, while he is not reading yet, and this is something that seems to come up between them. She is also a good artist, and he seems to have some fine motor delays (I don't really think this one is an issue, but it might be, I guess...they do compare drawings sometimes). It's possible that he feels a little insecure. However, there is some balance here, because the other boy is very coordinated and athletic and DD is not, and is aware of her lesser ability and a bit jealous of his. I do not feel like DD is being especially obnoxious or superior about this stuff--but as I said earlier, she wants to be right (and so does he). The need to be right/desire to correct is something we continue to work on with her at home, but she is not an inherently competitive child. She usually does not care if she loses a game, for instance (whereas the other boy cares fiercely).
i was reading your post with a smile on my face because it so reminds me of dd and her bf. they have both known each other since they were 6 months old and they are both onlies and they both consider each other their sibling. we even do some holidays like xmas together. they are both 7 1/2 now.
