Wish I'd found this forum...

[kreatv27]

Hi,

I just wanted to write that I really support the anti-circumsicion movement, but unfortunately it's too late for my DS.

Before he was born I went back and forth and back and forth with the decision. My DH did as well.

We weren't going to do it, and then well... people said things, I asked his future ped....etc. etc... When it came time, I just bit my lip and said ok take him.

When he came back I cried. I felt so horrible, I felt like I had mutilated my own baby.

He's had penile adhesions two or three times since this happened, and he is only 6 months old, so I have to be very careful to keep up on it...

I still feel so horribly bad about what we did. I don't want to do it to any of my future children, but what will happen if my first asks why he looks different from any other brothers? I guess I shouldn't worry about this until it actually happens, but I already do.

Anyways, I really hope that this movement takes on more supporters. I really wish I had found this forum before I gave birth, and I plan to help educate others about this so that they don't make the same mistake.

Thanks for listening :-)

[crunchy_mommy]

I feel the exact same!!! DS was circ'ed because I didn't know any better. I had read about all the "health benefits" etc. and we decided to do it. DS has had absolutely no problems due to the circ but I still feel bad that he had to go through that, our hospital experience was traumatic enough anyway and the way they treated him after the circumcision was horrible, poor kid was so exhausted and they kept making him wake every 1/2 hour to eat, be tested, etc. after he had just had SURGERY!

I wish too that I'd found this forum sooner, I don't think we'll circ any future kids, I question how brothers will react to see them looking different & I worry DS will be upset that we did this to him (and only him) but of course I do not want to repeat past mistakes with future kids. It's too bad DS has to be the guinea pig as far as our parenting choices are concerned.

[outlier]

Originally Posted by kreatv27

I don't want to do it to any of my future children, but what will happen if my first asks why he looks different from any other brothers? I guess I shouldn't worry about this until it actually happens, but I already do.

Here are two recent threads that talk about this:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1206166
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1162666

As many people in this forum have said, some of the most powerful voices against circumcision are the mothers who have chosen it for their children and regret it. Hugs to you and your son!

[PuppyFluffer]

You have gottten great support for your situation. Many have boys that don't match. It's really not a big issue for the children from the feedback I've read.
I want to ask you about your issues with him having adhesions and how you are dealing with that. As I understand it, there has been a general trend to remove less foreskin that previously. It became understood that removing all of the moveable penile skin didn't leave enough skin to accomodate an adult erection so the trend has been to leave more. This remaining foreskin often adheres to the penis. It's the body's attempt to heal and return to it's natural state - which is of the foreksin being fused to the penis until much later in life. Many ignorant doctors are suggesting parents pull the skin apart and place a barrier cream like petroleum jelly on the skin. Unless the adhesion involved the circumcision scar, I believe the better thing to do is to leave it alone. It will release in due time when it's ready to do so. What has your doctor been advising you?

[Greg B]

I was circumcised, my two brothers were not. Totally a non issue.

I am circumcised and my two sons are not. Totally a non issue.

A couple questions asked and that is it. Nothing to worry about based on my experience. Not even as big an issue as the fact that I have a beard and they do not.

Regards

[JollyGG]

Both my brothers are circumcised and I have been told that they do not "match". There were some problems with my younger brothers circumcision and evidentially the difference is distinct enough that the boys did notice and asked my mother about it.

So even if both were circumcised there would be no guarantee that they would look the same or that you wouldn't have explaining to do.

[claddaghmom]

[aidanraynesmom]

I could have written this, except that my DS is 5 and I'm not worried a bit about them looking different (if this one's a boy). I was talking to him the other night about this "piece of skin" that he (and daddy and uncle...) used to have. We explained that some people used think that it was better to cut it off but now we know better. Mommy and Daddy are sorry we did that and wish we wouldn't have...blah blah. And how when the baby comes he'll have a piece of skin and we'll just leave there! And that they will look different that's okay!

Now, I know my kid, so I knew this would be all he'd need. Even if he asked later on about it once baby gets here, we can just remind him and he'll be totally fine. If yours turns out to be more sensitive or whatever you can handle it differently but mine hasn't even brought it up again.

[Dev]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's mostly the circumcising physcian's fault who provided you with inacurrate information and inadequate informed consent to amputate you son's prepuce without medically agreed upon necessity. The physician is the one who actually performed the surgery, NOT you or your son's daddy, right? Bless you for wanting to speak out after learning the facts on your own. Please tell the circumcisor and the hospital administration about how you feel about consenting to an unnecessary non-therapeutic amputative surgery. When more mommys and daddys begin to speak up, only then will doctors and hospitals begin to stop asking and solicitating an unwarranted and harmful surgery on our nation's precious, non-deformed, healthy, normal little boys.

[kreatv27]

Thanks all, you have made me feel much better about this situation. It really helps to hear about others who have gone through the same thing. I really appreciate all the support! I'm glad to know that some of you have multiple little boys and don't seem to have a problem with explaining their differences to them. Being a new mom is so confusing, you never know if you are doing the right thing. I definitely have learned from all this, and I hope to educate others about it in the future

[kimbfly]

This thread is wonderful and VERY needed in my situation... When we had our boy, I didn't know what to do... I let my husband decide, and he figured since he was and all of his friends/family were, then it was OK. I feel terrible that I didn't stop it. I feel awful that I didn't have the balls to go against the grain and stop that routine, at least in my new, wonderful family. I am not angry at my husband because we are both his parents, I am just sick to my stomach over the decision and my amazing angel is 2 yrs old. I have been up nights researching restoration, etc, in case that is what he wants to do. Regret is a hard pill to swallow and I think about it way too much. SO, I know that if we have another boy, he will be kept intact and will be diff from everybody and we will handle that just fine. I just hope my wonderful first born is not angry and really hope he doesn't resent us for this... He does have a little "collar" of skin, so maybe they are leaving a little more on there now. Thank you, especially the Daddy's who posted on this thread. Hopefully, you are not too angry at your parents. Thanks to all...

[hakunangovi]

Originally Posted by kimbfly

Thank you, especially the Daddy's who posted on this thread. Hopefully, you are not too angry at your parents. Thanks to all...

Our parents, like all of you, just did what they thought was best. I do rather wish my Mum would have looked at the situation with a bit more objectivity and logic, simply because I believe that if she had done so, the outcome would likely have been different and my brothers and I might have been spared. It is the medical system who must shoulder the blame and bear the brunt of our distrust and anger, for it is them who misled you and our parents. RIC is a sad reflection of a profession who ignore their own pledge "to do no harm" on a daily basis. Even more disgusting is that I believe their stance is profit motivated.

To all you parents who harbour regret over what you allowed to happen - Remember that you did the best you knew how with the information that you had at the time. You can heal immeasurably by using your new found knowlege to educate others and help end this shameful legacy of the twentieth century. Inactivism really is cathartic !!