DH not ready for #2, but I am

[chisub]

In the past month I've gone from looking forward to TTC early summer, to actually feeling ready for #2. Then I got a call from my BFF yesterday and she's pregnant with #2 and it completely brought me to the other side! I'm super excited for her, yet today I sit here with a heavy heart b/c I know it won't be me for awhile. I talked to DH about it this morning since he has been sensing my baby fever building up even before this call and basically he said he's not ready quite yet. He's just nervous about how we're going to handle two LOs without any help or family nearby. With #1 he was working from home full-time so was a huge help, but won't be with #2. He brought up how I would feel so overwhelmed with #1 during that first year and how am I going to handle days when #1 and #2 are both having bad days? Trust me, I have some of the same fears, but I know I can do it. I told him that it kind of hurt my feelings for him to say that b/c what does that say about me now as a mom? I also told him that there are a lot of SAHMs with more than 1 that do it on their own without help. I know I can't force him to be ready when he's not, but it's still hard to hear when I am ready. I don't know what the point of this post is rather than to just get it out since it feels so heavy on my heart right now. Was/is anybody else in the same boat?

[dachshundqueen]

It took DH 18 months to convince me to have a 3rd.

Liz

[justKate]

Originally Posted by chisub

He's just nervous about how we're going to handle two LOs without any help or family nearby. With #1 he was working from home full-time so was a huge help, but won't be with #2. He brought up how I would feel so overwhelmed with #1 during that first year and how am I going to handle days when #1 and #2 are both having bad days? Trust me, I have some of the same fears, but I know I can do it. I told him that it kind of hurt my feelings for him to say that b/c what does that say about me now as a mom? I also told him that there are a lot of SAHMs with more than 1 that do it on their own without help. I know I can't force him to be ready when he's not, but it's still hard to hear when I am ready. I don't know what the point of this post is rather than to just get it out since it feels so heavy on my heart right now. Was/is anybody else in the same boat?

This is hard, and I can totally understand where both of you are coming from. I was so ready for my first baby that I thought I would explode if Huz didn't go along with it. I'm intense by nature and I really bullied him in to it. We are military and had a good support group in the area where we were living when DD was born. I couldn't have done it without that. We'd both like to have another the next time we move (where we're living now and the jobs we have are not condusive to a pregnancy), but if it isn't near family or friends, I don't think I can do it. That first year is so hard, I can't imagine going through that with a toddler as well. But that's just me.

Of course you're right that lots of SAHMs do more; that single mamas do more. But your Huz might have some valid concerns about the amount of stress that a second baby would cause the family. Are there any changes on the horizon that would make it easier if you wait? Like a move, a job change, or your older child going to school? I'm sorry that this is weighing on you. I hope that you can work something out with your Huz that meets both of your needs.

[JaguarEyes]

chisub,

I'm in your same boat. DS is 18 months and I'm ready to TTC #2. I at least got DH to be willing to discuss once DS turns 18 months tomorrow. We'll see but I don't think he's really on board. Thanks for sharing - it does help to see others where I am at.

Hugs!

[Aka mommy]

Yes, but it was flipped. DH was ready for #2 a year before i was.

[Peony]

Even though in my house I do the vast majority of the child raising, DS sent DH over the edge. He really was not ready for another baby in the house. He willing agreed to TTC, it happened that very month, and then he was in disbelief that yet another one was coming. DS was our 3rd BTW. DS will be one this month and DH is STILL having a difficult time adjusting. I always thought we would have 4 and so did DH but after DS, I highly doubt I will ever get DH to agree to another. My point being that even though we know that we can handle it, and know that we are the ones that are going to be that has to the majority of the work, a new baby can still have serious effects on the other parent.

My advice would be to talk through his fears. If he is worried about lack of help or support then set up a plan. Create a support network, whatever it is that might help you.

[starlein26]

What a tough place, . I agree with Peony that you two need to talk this out a little more but also if both parents aren't equally on board..it's probably worth waiting.
Give him a little more time...hopefully he'll feel more ready very soon!

[Pogo0685]

I really really really want another baby, not right now but I want to start TTC when my DS is 3, so that will be in feb of 2012. DH says no, just flat out no he doesn't want to talk about it won't give me reasons he just freaks out and closes down when I mention it. I am hoping that as DS gets older he will come around but DH sometimes doesn't understand why DS does things like repeatedly knocking over the baby gate, throwing his food, eating random objects and he hates that he can't communicate with us yet and will ignore him if he wants to but other times does what we say. But I keep mentioning it because in a year and a half I don't want him to think I don't still want another one. I had planned a homebirth but after almost 20 hours in labor I ended up in the hospital and at 30 hours in I had a csection. I really want another chance at a homebirth. I would also like to have another chance at having a girl, I wouldent be sad if it was a boy but I want that opportunity. Wow sorry this turned into a rant I just know how you feel and it sucks, I can't even immagine how sad I will be when I'm actually ready to start TTC and he still says no.

[mommyin2008]

Yes. I feel you girl! Our DS is 26 months and Im ready for #2 at anytime now. Its not even that I have to get pg this month or next or whatever, All I want from my DH is to at least give me an idea of "when" he thinks he might be ready. All I get right now is "I dont know if I can handle another one" and "definately not right now". I feel like we wont ever have another one or it will be an oops b/c DH would be so content with never having anymore children. He just knows how important it is to me and how much I want another baby and a sibiling for DS.

If any of you have an good ideas on what made your DH "come around" so to speak, please feel free to share. DH wont even really talk about it in a serious way. It sucks!!!!