Help my DD hates to learn! kinda long.....

[mamamoogs]

my DD is 5 we have been homeschooling since she was 4 and more formally since last may. she fights me everyday, it is a struggle she hates doing workbooks she was doing reading eggs until recently sheis on map 8 not sure how she got there because she seems to be struggling with what we thought she was learning. Puttin gher in school is not an option right now, so we have to find a way for everyone to be happy. I dont know if she is even learning , one day she know her numbers on paper another she looks to be struggling, she doesnt really read yet but seems to know most of the sight words i have taught her. I dont even know where to begin when picking a cirriculum for her .

We do bob books but she doesnt seem to know the same words in other books. I am a so upset and confused dont know what to do. A friend gave me a book on unschooling she said maybe this would work for us....
any advice on what we could do to help my DD get interested in learning. thank you!!!!!

[kittywitty]

Well...she's 5. Formal schooling for 5 year olds is not always a great idea. Most aren't ready. You may want to do some deschooling for the both of you and try to connect and explore without it being "formal". 5 year olds mostly need to play and create and run outside.

[skueppers]

So, what DOES she like to do? I don't mean academically, I mean in general.

[philomom]

What about learning activities?

Can she sort silverware? match socks? Identify her own name? Knows her colors? Does know the logos for the various stores you visit?

There's also many types of learning coloring books and software with educational games.

Keep at it.. you'll find something that sticks.

[chaoticzenmom]

Your child does not hate to learn. That's not even possible. She hates to be taught. It sounds like unschooling might work for her. Some children love sitting down and playing "school." While others find it boring and insulting.

My daugher was like that also (still is,) She didn't learn to read until 6 and she did it because she was interested and she worked on it (with bob book). I couldn't interrupt her with anything. She had to ask. It seemed she had no memory of anything and I was starting to think she needed to use sight words. Then, one day she was looking at a bob book and she said the sounds "d..ahh, ttt, DOT!!" and the formula just clicked. She still teaches herself and asks me for help where she needs it. It's just her style.

If you make it frustrating, you may end up creating mental blocks for her. Those can take years to get over. Some of my childhood mental blocks (creative writing) weren't dealt with until adulthood and I'm just NOW getting over my history and math mental blocks.

Relax, your child is still very young. There's time. Learning is supposed to be fun. If you find that it's not fun, stop and come back later from a different angle.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Your child does not hate to learn. That's not even possible.

That's exactly what I clicked on the thread to say, and it was the first thing I saw when the thread opened. The fact that she hates being directed through lessons has no bearing on whether she likes learning - those are entirely different things.

If you were to back off from trying to formally "school" her, and instead just let her be a naturally playing and growing 5 yr. old who's learning all sorts of wonderful age appropriate things just in the course of living her life with you and playing, using her imagination, taking in the sights and experiences all around her, she can learn just as much, and even more, than if she's being regularly backed into a corner to perform needless "work" motions that aren't serving her in the big picture. There's no earthly reason - none whatsoever - why a child that age needs to know how to read, write, calculate, do workbooks, or any of that. What purpose do any of those things really serve at that age? They can all be learned in a fraction of the time later when they have some purpose. If a child that age is drawn to that sort of thing because of seeing someone else doing it or whatever, and from having a natural inclination toward that kind of activity, that's one thing - it would be something to be supported, just as any interest would be supported - but it will not make that child become a better learner, a better scholar, a better student, a better professional, a better hobbyist, a better anything... What it might do, though, is cause a child to begin to think of learning as a chore that has specific and rather unpleasant steps that have to be gone through - something to avoid. Here's a page of links to a number of articles, many by professional educators, that implore parents and educators to turn their focus from the idea of creating young scholars and instead focus on nurturing a wholehearted love of playing and imagining and taking in the world with eager eyes and bodies. It's worth giving a try.

As for unschooling, I'm all for it, but I honestly don't even thing the term applies to a child that age - unschooling, to me, is something that has to do with what would ordinarily be the school years, and 5 is younger than what I would consider school age. You might try reading The Unschooling Handbook, and Learning All the Time: How to Use the Whole World As Your Child's Classroom to get a sense of how learning can and does take place in a lot less traditional ways. Most of us grew up being persuaded that learning took place in certain contexts, even though we had so many experiences of our own that showed that not to be true - and unschooling is basically just an alternative way of letting the learning happen in much more natural ways. It isn't anything more than letting learning be just regular part of an active and curiousity driven life.

You might try pretending to yourself that it's summer vacation time, and just go about planning fun outings and activities for a while - encouraging play of all kinds and interests of any kind, but forgetting about the things you've been trying to teach. After awhile, I think you'll notice things she really is learning and being interested in. Just have fun and enjoy your 5 yr. old for exactly what she is right now - she'll only be 5 for a very short time of her life. Lillian

[One_Girl]

It sounds like she needs a break and maybe less of a push to produce material. How about using some learning games instead of workbooks. My dd loved the ABSeas game for learning letters and sounds, reading magnet words and making her own magnet words, pointing out letters and sounds in the books I read to her at night, card games, counting rocks and candy (especially when someone was over who may have gotten more than her), she loved strawberry shortcake flash cards and would do them on her own, and she enjoyed word problems if they were told to her orally. Kindergarten is a time to be introduced to different subject matter in a fun way. If she isn't having fun then I think you should drop what you are doing and either try another way or move on to something else. Try to really keep the focus on the fun.

You might try checking out your state curricullum or your local school districts curricullum if they are on-line so you can see what kids master at that age. In our school district they learn 30 sight words, letters and letter sounds, counting and number recognition to 31, the concept of adding and subtracting using manipulatives, seasons, habitats, and the life cycle of one species (usually frog or butterfly), and they learn a lot about how to participate in a group in a formal setting. It really isn't that much and almost all of it is done with hands on material, acting things out, repetition, and picture books.

[momtokea]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Your child does not hate to learn. That's not even possible. .

This.

Blame the method, not the child. You need to try a different approach.

[mamamoogs]

thanks for all your input. I am not blaming my child sorry it it came off that way, I was just trying to explain that teaching is proving to be a nightmare. I understand what you are all saying by come this sept she will be considered a 1st grader and i have to register her with the school district as a homeschooler what happens if the evaluator comes out and finds she isnt at the level the school district feel she should be... what then? I am all for no formal schooling i just dont want her to fall behind i much rather be riding our bikes taking our walks and playing on the beach in the morning hours not spendinh time in workbooks and holding up index cards with sight words on them, kwim? I have the book how to Unschooling handbook only on page 30 still a bit to go ....

[Rivka5]

If you wouldn't be comfortable going all the way to unschooling, you might want to consider a gentle, age-appropriate curriculum like Five in a Row.

[mamamoogs]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

If you wouldn't be comfortable going all the way to unschooling, you might want to consider a gentle, age-appropriate curriculum like Five in a Row.

could you explain, i looked at the site, how does that program work?

[Marimami]

You just have to figure out what works for her.

My DD is the same age, and we have discovered that she prefers more structure. We were happily unschooling and she stepped in and asked us to help her focus more. She's that type of kid. By then I had figured out her learning style though and have been able to put together some structure for her. This is still super light compared to many folks. For her, it came down to the fact that she really likes to understand the rules behind the things she is learning. Singapore is giving her a deep enough understanding in math, and we're using the Ordinary Parents Guide to Reading and All About Spelling. That's it for real curriculum, and they are exactly what she wanted.

She hates workbooks, but Singapore moves quickly enough that she doesn't lose interest. Explode the Code was too repetitive for her with reading but she is okay doing a few of them occasionally.

We don't sit down every day at the same time or anything like that. We vary considerably on how much we do at a time--totally driven by how much she wants to do.

I have a very driven 5 year old who was very unhappy with our unschooling approach. But, it sounds like you have a 5 year old who isn't happy with your particular learning environment either.

How have you observed her learn other things in the past? Does she like to observe before jumping in? Does she like to understand everything first? Or does she like to just jump in and try things? At 5 years of age, you have seen her learn many, many things over the years. I think you know a lot more about her learning style than you might realize.

Holli

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by mamamoogs

I understand what you are all saying by come this sept she will be considered a 1st grader and i have to register her with the school district as a homeschooler what happens if the evaluator comes out and finds she isnt at the level the school district feel she should be... what then?

Relax. I'm sure there must be evaluators in your area who will not expect her to have achieved more than she actually does. Network with some unschoolers and find out how they handle the annual evaluation process.

Remember also that when you maintain a log of "educational activities" your daughter has done, there will be plenty of things on there other than reading lessons. It is amazing how many things you probably do all the time that can be framed as "educational activities."

Incidentally, about "falling behind" -- every child has their own timetable. They may be slower to pick up reading, but faster to learn about the natural world, or acquire physical skills quickly, or be passionate about art. Celebrate the things she does do well and is learning.

[Bluegoat]

I generally don't think you need to worry about formal schooling until 6, or even 7. In many countries that is when formal education begins, and sometimes not even in an all day program.

[Lillian J]

Whoops! I posted this hurriedly earlier without remembering to put in the link - here it is again:

Here's a page of links to a number of articles, many by professional educators, that implore parents and educators to turn their focus from the idea of creating young scholars and instead focus on nurturing a wholehearted love of playing and imagining and taking in the world with eager eyes and bodies. It's worth giving a try.

-Lillian

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by mamamoogs

I understand what you are all saying by come this sept she will be considered a 1st grader and i have to register her with the school district as a homeschooler what happens if the evaluator comes out and finds she isnt at the level the school district feel she should be... what then?

I'd get in touch with some Florida homeschoolers to see if this is actually something to be concerned about, but I doubt that it is. I know of unschoolers there, so there are probably a number of different ways to satisfy authorities. Here's a whole page of information related to Florida homeschooling. Darn, I'm on the run again! Lilllian

[Smithie]

OK, I don't live in Florida and I hope somebody who does will chime in here, but are you certain than an evaluator is going to come out to your house?

Based on this, it sounds to me like you will submit a letter to your school district in Fall 2010, maintain records throughout the year and have your dd take an assessment test in Spring 2011, with your school district getting the results. I would not be surprised if you NEVER have to talk to ANYBODY in the school system about your daughter, provided you furnish them with this paperwork as legally required. In any case, your daughter is not supposed to be evaluated until the end of her first year of legally required schooling, which will be Spring 2011.

What I'd do, if I were you, is to drop everything right now, for at least a month. Then I'd start with phonics, only phonics, and do that gently and in a non-workbook way over the summer. My son really liked Hooked on Phonics, the sticker chart just made his day and he found the books more engaging than the BOB books. For your daughter, maybe an online game is the key.

I am not an unschooler. In fact, I'm a classical homeschooler, and expect my son to sit in a chair and be diligent, respectful and attentive. But I still think you and your daughter need a break, and at this age you can absolutely afford to take one and to make a better start in first grade. And I suspect that your fear of the superintendent is going to turn out to be unmerited. He'll probably never even know your names.

[Kindermama]

any advice on what we could do to help my DD get interested in learning

IMO young children are already programmed to learn...how do you think she went from a little helpless newborn to a walking, talking, opinionated 5 year old...she imitated all the people around her!

I would follow her lead. You may very well turn her off from learning if you push it on her and make it become a stressful experience for her. She learns all day every day! Have her help with your household work, give her lots of time to play outdoors....workbooks and textbooks can wait! She's only little once!

My book suggestions:
Heaven on Earth
Heart of Learning by Oak Meadow.com
Simplicity Parenting
You are your Childs first teacher by R. Baldwin



There is a more informal way to meet Kindergarten requirements. Have you looked to see what they expect?

[Rivka5]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

If you wouldn't be comfortable going all the way to unschooling, you might want to consider a gentle, age-appropriate curriculum like Five in a Row.

Originally Posted by mamamoogs

could you explain, i looked at the site, how does that program work?

Five in a Row is a "unit study" curriculum based on a set of really good picture books. Each week, you pick a book to read every day (so, five times in a row) and do some activities related to the book. So on one day you might find the story location on a map and talk about whatever country it is, on another day you might do an art project related to the book, etc.

The great thing about Five in a Row is that you can keep things very simple if that seems like the best idea, or if something sparks your child's interest you can take off and do a lot of related exploring.

We aren't homeschooling full time yet (two more months until my daughter finishes nursery school), but here's an example of a "practice week" we did with Five in a Row when we were snowed in.
http://tinderbox.homeschooljournal.n...-the-big-snow/

And here is a description of how a week with the curriculum might look, by the author:
http://www.fiarhq.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34016

People with school-aged kids usually add a math program and a phonics or reading program to Five in a Row, but many wouldn't do that with a five-year-old. And ESPECIALLY not with a five-year-old who is digging in her heels about "doing school." Something like this might give you the opportunity to get back on track with positive interactions around fun-and-educational activities.

[craft_media_hero]

You have gotten some really good advice here.

I just wanted to reply in agreement that some deschooling time sounds necessary.

What are the Kindergarten requirements? I remember them being pretty minimal; maybe looking at the list and seeing which ones she could "pass" now would help you relax about it? Does she know her alphabet and some of the sounds? Can she recognize numbers and count small amounts? Colors? Shapes? Most times kids can pick this stuff up without needing any instruction. Just play and be like, hand me the red ball, please; oh look, our puzzle is missing the S piece with the ssssnake, I have seven raisins in my cookie, and I see three in yours, whatever, take advantage of non-invasive opportunities like that. But don't overdo it, or she'll know that you're "teaching"

My biggest advice would be stop everything right now for at least a month and when you start up again DITCH the workbooks. Maybe when she's six or seven, add in ONE workbook for ONE subject and find ways to do other activities for learning subjects. My dd would not tolerate more than one workbook or "sheet" assignment a day, so we make it be math (Miquon and Singapore, alternating 3-4 days/wk); she is 6.5 and would not have been into a workbook any younger than this.

Sounds like what's going on with your girl is totally normal! Relax and take some time or you will both get burned out and nothing will be productive.