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I've lost my Compassion-I've Lost my way

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
I can't do it anymore. I am broken. i am lost. i am not a good mother any more. My husband fears I will loose my mind completely soon. How can I pick up the pieces?
We have lost everything in the last 6 months. Our business, our home, our cars, our life we worked so hard for. We can't find work. Not even Target has called me back. Always bad news, always a catastrophe.
I'm staying in my dad's basement, well it's not even his basement yet. . . my grandparents both past this last year and it's their home my dad is trying to buy from all the brothers and sisters. So total eggshells at almost 29 (my birthday is in a month) with four children in a glass house of a basement my dad doesn't even own.
We are failure's. I can't breath. I don't react well anymore. I have no patience. I am hurting my kids hearts because when they do something wrong the rage in me explodes and I say horrible awful things. Help me!
post #2 of 29
I'm so sorry things are so rough. I am sending strength your way. We are here to support you.
post #3 of 29
Just know that you will get through these tough times, be easy on yourself. You can only go up from here, I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
post #4 of 29
You're not failures. You're stressed out and you have every right to be. And being pleasant and peaceful when you're a big ball of stress is just not possible. So please find some way to take care of yourself and feel better. The rest will work itself out, somehow.
post #5 of 29
Be gentle with yourself mama. You are not a failure, you are just going through tough times. You will get through them. You are a good mama.
post #6 of 29
I am not anywhere near in your situation, but have been having what felt really stressful to me - furnace broke down, cat died horribly, and needed a new washer all the 9th month of my pregnancy - and I've been a totally horrible person to my kids, too. Stress really messes with your ability to be patient. Please be gentle with yourself.
post #7 of 29
I believe that sometimes we are presented with situations in life because we can handle them. They push us to the limit, but we can handle it. And we become stronger this way. Sometimes life is testing us. You are strong enough to handle what you are given. You ARE.

Be strong, mama! This will pass, and you will be okay. Give your kids some extra hugs and love right now. And yourself, too.

Keep posting.
post #8 of 29
Praying that things will improve for you soon.
post #9 of 29
Take things in 15-minute increments at a time. Breathe.

Hang in there. You're not a terrible person. Just overwhelmed with life in general at the moment. Be gentle with yourself.
post #10 of 29

No matter how you react, it is stressful and a big change for the kids. Maybe seeing you unhappy about it is important to them. Maybe they need to know that it's okay to have negative feelings and it's okay to be unhappy with your current state.
post #11 of 29
Oh my goodness

You are not a failure you are in a bad way. Its temporary. Please be kind with yourself and breathe. Remember that this won't last. Things WILL improve.

I am feeling that this thread will be better served in a diff forum, personal growth perhaps.

post #12 of 29
oh my
i am so sorry. i often think back to the days when i was homeless, living out of a duffle bag with a baby and preschooler in a friend's room. it was so tough, i have no idea how i made it through.

please know that it *doesn't* last forever. hang on to that and know that you are not a failure! at all!
post #13 of 29
I agree with Beauchamp. I believe that we are sent things in life to learn a lesson and to help us see what we are fully capable of.

You have lost almost everything and yet you're still going. Still fighting. How awesome are you?!

Focus on the moment, and try not to think about all the other stuff. Worrying is not going to fix it.

I know it sounds trite, but try to think of all the good things in your life. When my husband left I started a "Good Things" journal and everyday I would write down the good things that happened during that day. Not even big things, just things like: kids went to bed early and I got to have a bath, sun shining all day, DS1 did XYZ cute thing etc. It really helped me remember the good things I do have in my life and to remember the little things. It helped me focus on the postive rather than the negative.
post #14 of 29
It will be ok. I promise. It might not be better for a while, but that's ok too. Take the hours as they come, do the best you can. That's all you can do.

Can we help brainstorm ways to help make things better? Do you have enough food, things like that?

I'm sending you good thoughts, nothing tangible, but I hope it helps a bit.
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for the kind words I *know* things will get better, and I'm hopeful for that. It's just really hard when it hits you and you don't even realize those words coming out of your mouth are so sharp and angry and hurt.
I think I will try the journal, I've been wanting to do that for awhile. I also would like to find some reconnection to spiritual aspects again but nothing from my past spiritual experience with traditional Christianity.

I've even convinced my DH that it's time for me to go to school. Since I married so young (18) and became wife and then soon after a mother, I've never furthered my education and it's something I really have wanted to do.

Up until now DH has not been really supportive about the idea, but know he sees how beneficial me having a degree would be. When I posted this thread I was really a basket case. It rises and flows sometimes much like labor pains-one moment I am managing just fine when all of a sudden the stress of it all gets to be to painful to much I feel sweaty, shaky, and unable to see my way out.
Anyway just here.
post #16 of 29
Just wanted to say the journaling will really help. It helped me so so much when I was going through a rough patch in my own life. I wrote down everything I was thankful for, everyday. It was amazing how the lists got longer the longer I journaled.
post #17 of 29
Just had to respond, sending you some !
post #18 of 29
Sending you some love mama. You can get through this.

Reconnecting to your spirituality sounds like a great idea. It might or might not be the time to try whole new religions (or denominations if you still beleive in christianity), it might be too much added stress (or it could add support.) how about trying to start praying or meditating as well as journal writing? Meditation and prayer really help me when I'm going through rough times and don't feel like I can handle what's being thrown at me. When I'm having a really hard time, and can't see how I can possibly get through it, I like to talk to G-d. sometimes I yell at g-d for giving me such a hard load, and sometimes I beg for help, and sometimes I talk to g-d. If you need more help/suggustions/advice with reconnecting to your spirituality, come pop over in the spirituality forum, and we'd love to help you.

Going back to school sounds like a good plan too.

We're here for you mama. If you need some hugs, come back here and let us know, and we'll pile them on.
post #19 of 29

i think the journaling is a great idea. have you thought about trying counseling? i am not sure about where you live but often help is available on a sliding scale so that it is affordable.
post #20 of 29
I have a good friend in a similar situation. She went to her doctor, who promptly prescribed a low dosage of an antidepressant. I'm not saying to go get drugs, but I think under extreme circumstances, our bodies cannot process everything and keep us sane. She said that after only one day she felt a lot better.

Hugs mama, hang in there.
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