I've lost my Compassion-I've Lost my way - Page 2

[Cupressa]

Originally Posted by PiesandAbrosmama

We are failure's. I can't breath. I don't react well anymore. I have no patience. I am hurting my kids hearts because when they do something wrong the rage in me explodes and I say horrible awful things. Help me!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have much to add, but I wanted to share that when I'm judging myself harshly I have a very hard time being kind to my family as well. You say you are a failure. You are not a failure. Maybe you feel embarrassed or apologetic for your situation? But it isn't your fault! And even if it was caused by some of your own choices, that does not mean that you should treat yourself harshly. You are just as worthy as anyone else of compassion and understanding.

I hope you feel better soon

[Grace and Granola]

I went through something similar over the past couple of years. I understand everything you are feeling. I was living in a basement too!

My advice would be to make sure you have someone to talk to so you can vent out every last bit of feeling and frustration, whether that be you husband, best friend, or even here on mdc.

It took me a while to figure this out, but it ended up being a really good opportunity to teach my kids about asking for forgiveness, admitting mistakes, making up, etc. It took me a year of trying to pretend I was still that perfect mom, before I let my guard down, started getting real with myself and my kids and admitted that I was wrong to shout like that, will you forgive me? That simple act of reconciliation with my child was incredibly healing. And of course it teaches the kids how to respond when they make a mistake with someone's feelings.

I really felt like I was a good mom before the bottom fell out for me. And it's taken a while to forgive myself for coming down of my own pedestal. Breathe mama. Live in the moment and don't fret about the past. Be the best you can be in this moment. It will get better.

[LROM]

Ditto everyone else... and also, have you talked to your kids in one of the calmer moments yet? Have you told your kids that the way things are right now is upsetting you, and you're doing everythig you can to improve it but you may get extra upset sometimes for things you usually wouldn't be that angry about? And have you told them you love them just as much as ever and you want things to be better for all of you?

Definitely do the journaling, and breathe, and be kind to yourself. AND be honest with your kids that you're trying your best but sometimes things get extra hard and you may sound extra mad, but you adore them and it's not their fault.

During tough times it's so important to tell this to our kids. Even wee little ones who don't seem to understand words yet, they will understand the emotion and intention behind the words.

Communication and love in the calmer (or at least in the less stressful) moments is key.

[meemee]

mama nature is a great healer.

i hope you can journal - it is an easy thing to do. but for many journaling is not it.

can you find a hobby or research and write a blog about it.

going back to school - esp. if you enjoyed it - can be a v. healing thing. hang in there and you can do it. as long as you take it easy and not take on too many classes.

my coping mantra is ' at least my dd does not have leukemia'. when my boss with kindness and sadness in his eyes told me they would have to let me because they were downsizing - i stayed calm and he was impressed. that mantra helps me keep in focus that no matter what happens - my dd is ok and i want nothing more than that.

all the horrible stuff happened at once and now you can put it behind you. are you taking summer school. just one class? a whole new adventure!!!

[The Amber Lily]

PiesandAbrosmama,

I don't know what your past experiences are with Christianity, but for what it's worth, I offer you this. Try Jesus. Christianity itself can be a lot of trouble, a lot of expectations, speculations and opinions. Christianity is not Jesus, however, and the power and life is through Him and it is really real.

I came to know Jesus seven years ago. I was at the end of my ability and hope, I had little desire to go on, with no idea where I was going. I was angry and frustrated and I hated everything.

I was looking for a useful worldview and belief system that would answer my questions about life. One afternoon, as I held my Bible in my hand, the thought came to my mind: “Everything you want to know about how the world works is written is this book.” In seven years, I have not been let down or disappointed with the worldview presented therein.

Jesus is my source of comfort, direction, instructions, purpose. He gives me strength and reason to go on, and He makes me able to do what I otherwise could not. He hears my stress and sorrows, my pain and worries, and my anger and frustration - even when it is directed at Him. He gives me advice and direction, and helps me to understand and be patient.

This is a very quick summary of seven years, but it is my experience. I suggest for you to begin where you are comfortable. Ask Jesus to meet you, to help you. Journal your thoughts, anxieties, and prayers. Seek him and He will be found by you.

Here are some verses for you:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed,
A refuge in times of trouble.
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;
For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.
Psalm 9:9-10

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

[sugarpop]

Spring is coming, and with that comes new beginings, new life, fresh start and brighter days. Winter is so hard, especially when life sucks and the weather is nasty.

Money means less than most think and even less to the children. We were never without home and in my eyes never poor. Others would disagree, some said we lived in poverty. But I never felt that way. The poorest I ever felt is when I was a child, living with my father, he had the "too big", too clean house, 2 new cars, 2 boats, dog, rabbit, "perfect family" and yet when it came to comfort and love...we were bankrupt. From a child's perspective, because some of it still seems like yesterday, the money meant nothing. Sure disney was fun...I remember drinking Tang and eating breakfast (cheapest around .99), I don't remember mickey or Pluto. I remember going to McDonald's once a week, going to the park for a picnic and throwing a Frisbee and learning to stand on my head, I remember the long walks/bike rides to town where we played on a swing set or helping mom cook.

I say all this to remind you, money means nothing. Living in a basement apartment...the kids won't be traumatized by this, heck it could be some really fun/great memories. Love them, read to them, play with them. Go outside, the sun works wonders. Love yourself, you are a mother, an amazing women...just think about what you have created and carried, 4 amazing lives! Then think ahead 20 years, imagine one of your children calling you, feeling what you are feeling right now and give that advice to yourself, give that pep talk to yourself, give that love and comfort to yourself. When you feel good about you, you will be able to be the mother you know you are. And know that we are here to support you too!

[htcamommy]

29 with 4 kids, no money, living in your dad's basement, and no job and you think you're not reacting to things correctly? I think you'd had lost your mind if you were in a cheerful mood about it babe!
Seriously last year I was in much the same boat as you. I was 28 years old, my husband lost his job on a monday and I found out I was pregnant on the thursday of the same week with a very unexpected baby #5, no insurance, no money in the bank, etc. I said inappropriate things at time. I got overly angry at times. I laid on the couch and felt sorry for myself. But and heres the main thing, I just kept swimming. When I got the medical card, when I got food stamps, everytime I used those food stamps, everytime I had to discuss the work situation, I was humiliated and depressed. But after 6 long miserable months my husband DID get a job. Another 3 months later we actually caught up on bills. Now I'm still "just treading water" some days but life is better than a year ago. When you finally do break through and get a breath of air again you'll realize how much you've grown and learned from this experience and how much stronger your family bond is for it. IT WILL BE OK!

[PiesandAbrosmama]

Everyone thank you for your kindness. It helps to vent out in cyber world to a place of concerned and loving mama types! It's a daily battle no good news yet, hopefully soon. Over 63 applications submitted in 2.5 weeks. Hopefully something will break through. Thank you all so much.

[Violet2]

Hang in there momma. It's a tough time all around, don't let it take you away from yourself.

V