He will NOT go to bed

[Curlyfry7]

my DS, 3 1/2, will NOT go to bed. Every night he has a tantrum-a screaming, wailing, tantrum. My DH and I are sick of it. Let me add that this is when we are trying to get him to bed WITH one of us, sometimes both of us. We are not trying to get him to just lay down and sleep alone.

Any ideas how to gently yet firmly encourage him to go to bed?? He isn't getting enough sleep, we are SO tired of fighting with him over it, and we are SO close to just putting him in his room and letting him scream.

Thanks!

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Do you guys have a consistent bedtime routine? Ours is bath, pjs, brush teeth, read a story. Then N gets in bed and I turn on a CD for him, either a story on CD or music. It is always the same routine. I think the CD helps him fall asleep and is a good cue for him to settle down. I think N is finally making up for the hell he put us through as a baby and toddler. I block all of that out of my mind. He still gets up way too early and is definitely lacking sleep, but he is a gazillion times better.

I hope you find something that works.

[philomom]

Not enough exercise?

Take him out to run around after dinner for an hour or so. The park, a trampoline, anything to get him moving. I can guarantee you'll see better results at bedtime.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by philomom

Not enough exercise?

Take him out to run around after dinner for an hour or so. The park, a trampoline, anything to get him moving. I can guarantee you'll see better results at bedtime.

I second this, and also wonder what your bedtime routine is like. What's involved, and what time do you start? Is he still napping during the day?

I have heard some mamas with toddlers who are difficult sleepers make a bedtime routine chart with pictures to indicate all the steps they will be doing from beginning to end, and then walking through them with the chart every night with their child as they go along. It's something we might try.

[briome]

This happens occasionaly to us. In addition to PP ideas (exercise is GREAT) I think just having a night where the adults just do what they would normaly do after the kid goes to bed...practically egnoring the child (not doing anything special with him but not being unreasonabley rude) tends to stop the power stuggle that it seems you all have been having.

When we do this, it is the next night when he hungers for the routine and desires books.....and is sleepy again. I guess if it is really bad you might need to do it two nights...but really, children do feed off of conflict sometimes, like what you have described so if you can lesson the drama of it it CAN help.

For example "OK, it is time for you to be asleep now, if you choose to stay awake at this time, Mom and Dad are doing their regualr stuff. You may go lie down when you are tired"
Child="I want you to help me do _____" Parent=" Go to sleep we can do it tommorow" or "I'll be happy to lie with you in bed untill you fall asleep but I am not ready to do _____" all in a calm and loving voice, DO NOT escalate to battle ready. IF he tries to goat you into a confrontation continue with the calm voice and just get things back to safe (if he decided to climb on a chair to get something for example) "Please get down" Then help him down in the most unfun way you can!

Anyway, that is what has worked for us. Goodluck

[Curlyfry7]

Ok, let's see....we have a very loose routine...dinner, bath, some play, then bed. We tried a CD for a little while but DS didn't like it....may have to revisit it though as it's been a couple months. Our problem with a more precise routine is that our evenings vary so much- I work 2 days in the week and don't even get home until at least 7pm, other days DH is out working at his business. I don't know what to do with DD while working on a routine with DS -she won't go to bed without touching me, so she would be awake during any kind of routine with DS. If she's in a good mood that may be OK, but if she's grumpy, forget it.

I have been trying to get more exercise for DS. But it doesn't seem to matter-he can have run ALL DAY LONG and will still fight going to bed. He may fall asleep as soon as he stops moving, once we finally get him to bed. The only way he doesn't fight is when he stays up long enough to be exhausted....which for him can be 1 am. So the problem isn't actually sleeping-it's going to bed.

Oh yeah, he doesn't nap any more at home, unless he falls asleep in the car. He does still nap at the babysitter's. (so currently 2 days a week, soon to be back down to 1).

Going to have DH read this thread too and see what we can figure out.....now off to have our nightly fight....

[Louisep]

Have you read "Sleepless in America"? I've shelved it until ds is older but it has wonderful advice and a lot of mamas on here swear by it.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

I just grabbed NCSS for Toddlers & Preschoolers at the library. I'll be sure to pass along any wisdom I may (hopefully!) gain from it.

[Curlyfry7]

I have both of those books (thanks to used books!) I read "Sleepless in America" a while ago when DS was younger-gonna have to revisit it. And I just got NCSS for T/P back from someone I loaned it to just this morning and was reading some of it while I was pumping. So maybe I can get some good ideas from both of these.

I think one of my problems is that DH will agree to what I say about sleep but then doesn't do "what he's supposed to" in terms of getting him to sleep, or nap when DS still napped. And if I am at work there isn't anything I can do about it, unfortunately.

[2cutiekitties]

It is the age. DS just turned 3 in Feb and I have noticed quite a large increase in not wanting to cooperate with a lot of things that were so peaceful when he was 2. And flat out, DS does.not.want.to.go.to.bed.period.

DS could run around all day and it makes not one tiny little dent in nighttime sleep.