Another last name thread

[honey-lilac]

So, are you allowed to get a new last name? I don't know that I would keep my married name after our divorce. It just seems odd, we weren't married that long and it's an ethnic name of a group that I don't belong to, and the kids aren't being raised in said culture either. (Not my choice, even H wasn't raised in that culture really, so there's no real tie to it.)

I don't want to go back to my maiden name either; I have awful childhood-family baggage and I don't want to do that.

So, can I just... get a new name somehow? It seems silly. I've changed my first name already, it seems weird to keep changing from this to that to that - and then would I get to change my kids' last name to that name too? How does THAT work?

[Freedom~Mama]

That is a good question and something I have been wondering about as well.

[lilyka]

I think changing your last name would be the same procedure as changing your first name. pay the money, fill out the paperwork etc.

changing your kids name....depending on your custody agreement you may or may not need their dads permission ( i would ) and then the same procedure you would need to go through.

[incorrigible]

that's exactly what my sister did when she divorced. None of the last names she'd had in her life felt like they were hers, so she did some research and came up with a name that was really HER. It is just a word with a meaning and cultural history that she feels is appropriate to her. In the divorce, instead of having her name changed back to maiden or keeping the right to use her xh's name, she just plugged in the new last name instead. The name change of one or more parties is a standard portion of divorce paperwork.

As for the kids, that could be complicated. You can apply, but their dad will have to be notified and he can contest it. It will be up to the judge. Plus, in some places the kids have to go in and say they approve of or want the change.

I'm all read up on this topic recently. Ds has asked me to file the papers to have his middle name changed to something other than his dad's name. He's actually been asking for a while, and I finally relented. I feel SOOO awkward being the one to file the papers, but he can't do it himself until he's 18 and carrying the name of someone that did such horrible things to his loved ones is too great a burden for ds.

[honey-lilac]

If I have full custody, does the father still have to agree? Then again I'm not sure I'd do that, my son is XYZ Jr. which wouldn't really make sense with a different last name. And I don't know, despite all that STBX and I have gone through, that I would want to take away his "sr" title - he was so proud of that.

Then again I don't want a different name than my kids either. And I can't very well leave DS's last name and then change DD's, what sense would that make? Ugh.

[lilyka]

I have full physical custody. We have equal legal custody. I would check with a lawyer before getting your hopes up.