Originally Posted by honey-lilac
Thank you for the continued responses. I've been pretty much set on the "gotta do what you gotta do" track but then this morning I half-accidentally
wandered into the due date club and I browsed and everyone is SO excited about their BFP's and I'm just so sad and... I think one PP used the word wistful. I'm wistful, I have tons of crates of baby clothes and baby toys that I saved and just, I wanted another baby. I did. But it just does not, it really does not seem possible right now.
The most important thing is to get my independence for my sake and the kids' and if H/STBX does not leave (as I whine about in my other thread) then that's harder to do if I'm confined to bed. If I have to *fight* to get away from him, I need strength. If I wait another nine months plus however many after for the fourth trimester and beyond, I'm afraid I will never get up the courage to leave this situation. And I know that for my kids' sake... I have to give them a shot at a healthy living environment, and I *can't* do that married to this man.
I felt the same when when I was unexpectedly pregnant and trying to figure out how to leave my abusive partner. I didn't discuss it on MDC because there were momma's in my old DDC that were excitedly pregnant again. I think the little soul that came to me when I was leaving DD's father wanted things to work out exactly the way they did. This little angel knew I needed a kick in the pants to actually make the move, and I knew that if I had the abortion, I would without a doubt leave my partner. I would never be able to forgive him or myself if I stayed. In my case I communicated with the little soul and said I loved him, but I couldn't let him stay right now. I offered gratitude that he chose me as his mother and prayed for his understanding of why I made the choice I did.
My doctor was very understanding and compassionate. They even let me take home the products of conception which I later cared for in a personal ceremonial fashion. It was painful, but it also felt personal, like I was honoring this little person, he wasn't going to end up in some medical waste bin. People who die have ceremonies and loved ones recognize their passing. I didn't feel like I could not do that in this case.
And it is important that you recognize that if you choose to go forward with this pregnancy that you would be subjecting yourself and your 2 DC to this abuse, as well as this 3rd little person as well since it would just make you more dependent upon your abuser.
Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's a tough, horrible spot to be in. But there is life and happiness after too. Giving yourself and your 2 now DC a shot at a healthy life is a great gift that maybe this little one is encouraging you to make the move on now.