How can I forgive myself when I'm not being forgiven?

[mamasaurus]

I volunteer at my kid's school. I really want to do this, because they have supported my child so much - she has special needs.

The other day, I assumed that someone at the school did something she shouldn't have. It wasn't a bad thing, just something simple about setting up a meeting. I jumped the gun, and talked to the PTA board about it before talking to her first. Big mistake - I should have talked to her first.

I found out that she had done the right thing. I also said some things that could have embarrassed her, and as a result I was embarrassed at myself for making this assumption and making a big deal about it in front of the board.

I apologized to her by email, because it was the quickest way to do it. I saw her today at a school party, and she was polite but barely spoke to me. The PTA president was also cool, even though I tried to make things right.

This is really sad to me. I made a mistake, I didn't mean to cause trouble, I tried to make things right, but I don't think she is going to forgive me, and now things are very awkward.

I want to continue to volunteer at this school. I want to keep my child there.

However, I feel like crap and I'm very embarrassed by my actions.

How can I go on doing this, and forgive myself, when I'm feeling that others are not forgiving me? How can I keep on volunteering and stay focused on the task at hand, when I might not be able to communicate well with these people?

Any advice?

[mamallama]

I'm sorry.

Sometimes the only way past it, is through it.

Let the good work you've done in the past and the good work you will do in the future lift you up. Everyone makes mistakes. Commit to learn from this one, and carry on. They will come around.

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by mamallama

I'm sorry.

Sometimes the only way past it, is through it.

Let the good work you've done in the past and the good work you will do in the future lift you up. Everyone makes mistakes. Commit to learn from this one, and carry on. They will come around.

This. It's a tough situation but I think you'll just have to get through it.

One thing that might help would be to talk to the woman in person. Email is fine, but, as we all know, tone and feeling don't always come through well. Plus, for some people, it can seem very casual or off-hand. Even you say it was quickest (which is understandable as you obviously wanted to apologize ASAP), but maybe doesn't convey the depth of your feeling. So a face-to-face explanation and apology and/or a hand-written note to her might be in order.

Beyond that, I think you should not give up on volunteering. These sorts of misunderstandings happen in organizations of all sorts. Keep showing your good will, keep being friendly and positive, do a good job, and I bet the coolness will eventually subside.

[Shellie]

I think you need to give it time, and follow up on that e-mail with at least a phone call. *hugs*

[nola79]

Keep on volunteering. Try to apologize in person or on the phone, and then let it go.

[lab]

Originally Posted by mamasaurus

The other day, I assumed that someone at the school did something she shouldn't have. It wasn't a bad thing, just something simple about setting up a meeting. I jumped the gun, and talked to the PTA board about it before talking to her first. Big mistake - I should have talked to her first.

I found out that she had done the right thing. I also said some things that could have embarrassed her, and as a result I was embarrassed at myself for making this assumption and making a big deal about it in front of the board.

I think she needs to hear from your mouth that you are sorry. Sounds like you were really out of line and badmouthed this lady to her peers.

IMO - you need to work harder at making sure she knows you are sorry.

And keep volunteering!

[alexsam]

I agree- a person-to-person apology is needed and probably a quick (but direct and honest) one at the next PTA meeting to clear her name so that she knows that she doesn't have to worry that people might still have a mistaken idea about her. It would be akward if she still feels that she has to tell people it wasn't true, plus your willingness to take this step of public responsibility will show your sincerity.

Then, go on as normal and move on...