I can't believe I'm back here again

[Surfacing]

I haven't come to this forum in a long time, not to offer support, not to post. My depression and anxiety were well-treated, I was moving on with life and busy with living.

I'm 25 weeks PG with bb#3 and recently saw a pdoc to get my meds upped slightly.

ALL OF A SUDDEN... I am having heart palpitations for about a week now, which was a surefire sign of anxiety for me (pre-meds). I also just woke from the most horrible dream in which I was trapped. It was quite twisted and violent. Very strange.

I mentioned the palpitations to my MW and she asked if there was a certain thought associated with them. I couldn't really say.

I feel safe when I feel like I have my own feelings under control, when they are well managed by meds. I hate to admit it, but I feel ashamed admitting that I am starting to feel out of control and I don't know why exactly.

I think part of it is that I have been sick with food poisoning and dh has stepped up in a major way to take over and run things. But he gets this sort of... broodiness... and stayed up all night til 4 a.m. playing a video game two nights ago... that stresses me out and his broodiness does too. I feel like I can't just be sick and get better. Things are happiest and great and even just "okay" or tolerable in our family if I'm going at 110%.

I hate feeling like my mood is going out of control again. I will be seeing a talk-therapist on Monday and my pdoc again later in the week. For some reason I am very nervous about seeing them both. I don't trust them for whatever reason. I just hate feeling vulnerable and exposing myself. I wish I could just figure it out for myself.

Sorry to whine, thanks for listening.

[mom0810]

Well, if you've been sick, the heart palpitations could be from that. I always get that way when I am ill, right before I'm... ill. It can last up to an hour and then once things are over, I'm fine.

Hormones can also make you have heart palpitations that feel like a panic attack. I have that happen when I'm ovulating or during or right before my period.

Also, any time you change your meds, up or down, there is an adjustment period. Heart palpitations are a normal side effect of many ssri's and it usually goes away after about 2 weeks. Same thing with the weird dreams. I honestly think what you are going through is med related and that it will go away once you adjust.

Pregnancy also could account for the weird dreams, and see if you might be anemic, because anemia can cause heart palpitations, too.

Blessings to you and I hope you are feeling better.

[Surfacing]

Hi Mom0810, long time no see! It's been 1 month now at the higher dosage of fluoxetine, so I don't think it's from that. It could be from being sick... though I had the palpitations start early in the week and ended up stick to my stomach on Friday night and Saturday. As for the anemia - I've been alternating a prenatal vitamin with a regular multivitamin because of the nausea from the high iron. I could be a bit deprived now having been sick to my stomach and hardly eating for a few days.

Poor dh, he got an earful today.

Anyway, thanks for your support.

[mom0810]

Well, I'm here and I will keep checking in. After 4 weeks, you *could* still be adjusting to the meds. Two weeks is the low end, six is the high end. Has it taken you a while to adjust to meds before?

I'm thinking of you... hope all is well and that you are back to normal soon. I'm wondering as I type... could you have been dehydrated when these were happening? That sometimes can cause palpitations, too.

Blessings,

[Surfacing]

Usually I've adjusted to meds after a couple of weeks, I think.

It has occurred to me that with being sick with a tummy bug, my body has been purging my digestive tract... and although I've been able to take my meds every morning and have a number of hours of peace, I have wondered if somehow it's changing the rate at which the meds are being absorbed and metabolized, and I'm all wonky because of that.

Come to think of it, I get panic attack/anxiety symptoms every time I have the stomach flu... it's MUCH better now, but still, obviously it shows up in some form.

Anyway, thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.

Often I am functioning so very well, that it really throws me for a loop when I have a setback. But I have to remind myself that it's okay, it's going to happen sometimes because I have an illness. I'm not in any danger, I know it's because of the anxiety. Time to put my relaxation tapes on. Thanks again.

[mom0810]

It is very good to remember that. For me, it helps me to notice if something is out of balance (you have been sick, so that's out of balance, for sure). I notice anxiety more around my period and when I ovulate. It helps me to know it's coming, I expect it, so when it happens, it's kind of like, "oh, YOUR'E back? Oh well, all right, then." And then I can move on.

Giving yourself permission to feel the anxiety and knowing that it will go away in a short period of time also helps.

I wish the best for you, and I think once your body is back in order, you will feel lots better.

[Surfacing]

Interesting that you have it around the time you ovulate. Me too. I ended up taking a slightly increased dose from ovulation to menstruation for PMDD. I remember you were on meds some time ago, but not now, correct? How's that working for you? Do you have any self-care rituals for that time? I can see you do self-talk.

Yes, feeling the anxiety and knowing it will go away... this is a big part of healing.

I think you're right, I will feel lots better once my body is back in order.

Thanks for your kind words and support.

[mom0810]

Hi,

I'm still in talk therapy once a week. That has helped, but I think I am ready to stop that, actually. I take fish oil, vitamin D, and a multi vitamin, and magnesium also helps for times when I am agitated (incidentally, it regulates heartbeat, too. Ask if you can take it with your current meds. and during pregnancy, though, because i don't know the answer to that.--the brand I like is CALM).

I was on zoloft all through my second pregnancy and took it until my baby was over a year old. I slowly weaned off of it, and on to the supplements above.

Exercise is also key, even tho I hate it and I'm not consistent. Relaxation tapes are fantastic. I think just giving yourself permission to FEEL the anxiety and ride it through is the biggest thing of all. Understanding your body and recognizing the pattern and just riding the flow instead of fighting it are really good ways to deal with all of it. It took me years to figure out what was happening. But once I did and I realized the SAME things were happening each month... it helped me to at least accept it as my body's natural rhythm (even tho I don't *like* it), and it helped me cope.

Hope you are having a great morning! I'll keep checking...

[Turquesa]