ds goes to neighbor friend's house to eat candy, play video games...

[lizabird]

My ds is 6 yrs old. He has a buddy across the street who is 7.

We are very AP, they are very "conventional" (for lack of a better word).

Neighbor friend has his own TV (we never watch TV), neighbor friend plays video games (we don't), neighbor friend eats lots of candy (we don't), neighbor friend has lots of toy guns (we don't have any), neighbor friend has seen all the Star Wars videos (my ds hasn't watched much beyond the Winnie the Pooh genre)... you get the idea.

These two boys play wonderfully together when they just go out and play, or ride bikes, or make up games, etc., but lately my ds has been obsessing about the "stuff" that neighbor friend has. He spent most of the weekend over at friend's house and played lots of video games and came home tonight with a handful of what I consider to be very nasty candy (willy wonka type stuff, gooey chewy crunchy sweet brightly colored...)

Most of ds' other friends come from other AP families that are trying to live healthy natural lifestyles, but neighbor friend lives right across the street and is available to play most weekends and my ds really likes playing with him (and his mountains of stuff).

So.... what do I do?

I'll just leave it at that. I don't want ds playing the video games and eating the candy mostly. We've talked about it with him and he knows we don't like it. Parents on both sides encourage the kids to go out and play outside, but the kids eventually come in. When they're at our house, they play with legos, train tracks, draw pictures. When they head to neighbor's house, they play some with trains and legos but usually end up with the video games. I keep telling myself it's only occasionally and it's not our stuff, but it still really bothers me for some reason.

Any ideas? Suggestions?

Thanks.

[4evermom]

It could be that your ds is the one nudging the other boy to play video games and eat candy when he goes over there. We have that problem sometimes. Visiting kids know we have certain stuff and ask ds for it even if he doesn't offer and would rather do something else... The biggest problem is when they want to watch dvds instead of playing because my ds will say yes but would really rather play.

Anyway, all you can do is work on your own child and encourage them to play at your house. I suppose you could mention to the other mom that you don't want your ds eating candy but that won't necessarily keep the other boy from giving yours some. A lot of boy bonding goes on over video games so I wouldn't try to completely avoid that. It's important from a social standpoint.

Personally, if my ds was obsessing over certain toys/foods, I'd honor that interest and get him his own. I know too many men who played war games as kids and grew up to be peace loving adults to worry about gun play. And I find it annoying when kids hit up my ds for his food because they like it better than their own .

[karne]

In my mind "conventional" doesn't mean not attached, so if the family was one you felt good about, and the other child is a good, kind friend to your son, I wouldn't worry too much about it. What we create as "forbidden" can seem very intriguing to our kids, just as a sidenote.

If the candy is constant, and interfereing w/your ds' nutrition, you could speak to him about it and request that he doesn't eat it. We don't do lots of video games here and my ds LOVES them, and will be the first to want to play when he is at a friend's house. I need to let go of my own stuff around this issue because as a pp said, a lot of boy bonding happens around these games. I've watched it. It's not going to take over my son's life, so I need to relax a bit. I don't want my kids feeling like they need to go to other homes to pursue their interests.

[meemee]

you can only control your child so much. beyond that you have to let him make the decision.

he is caught. of course he knows what you want. but HE himself also wants this. whom should he listen to?

i think around 6 or 7 in general is when kids divert to indoor games a bit more. my dd started tv and video games when seh was 6. they play outside or with other things for a while and then for half hour or so watch tv. i actually love they watch tv because they watch super chef. when i go pick up dd i watch it myself.

i do allow all those at home too. but i think watching tv or playing video games with friends is a 'social' thing they enjoy doing together. it becomes a sort of play. i have noticed dd and friends discuss what they watched if not fight over it.

dd self regulates. she can be in a room full of candy and eat just a couple of pieces. seh doesnt have any allergies. she knows they are bad for you so she only does a little bit.

why are you right, and he is wrong? why does always your rule have to be followed and him not get a say?

i would start really thinking about this as he grows older because its going to happen far more often.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

Personally, if my ds was obsessing over certain toys/foods, I'd honor that interest and get him his own. I know too many men who played war games as kids and grew up to be peace loving adults to worry about gun play. And I find it annoying when kids hit up my ds for his food because they like it better than their own .

Yes to all of that . . . we aren't really strict about games/movies/candy. I don't keep a lot of junk food in the house, but it's not a forbidden thing. As such, they don't go crazy with it when they have it, they almost never play their video games, and they watch a pretty limited amount of tv each day.

I would guess that your son is picking up on the idea that these are things he's not "supposed" to have or "supposed" to play, and that makes him even MORE interested in them. If I were you, I'd try to relax and not make an issue of them now . . . give it some time, and I bet the interest will fade.

[lizabird]

Thank you for the replies.

I appreciate the support along the lines of "don't freak out about it" - I just feel like I've worked really hard to lead a fairly natural lifestyle including carefully choosing the things I eat and that I provide for my family, and then when ds comes home from a playdate with a handful of candy, I feel a little defeated.

I pretty much haven't ever said anything to him about the things he does at the friend's house. I haven't made a big (or even a little) deal about it, and I will continue to try not to do so.