What does your social life look like?

[Qalliope]

It seems like a lot of SAHP complain about lack of social interaction and loneliness, no time for themselves, etc.

On most of dh's days off, we have friends over in the evening to play games or watch movies. I go to karaoke with a big group every 2 or 3 weeks and the occasional club or party after the kids have gone to bed. Sometimes I go to a play or gallery or musical event, and often take my kids along. I don't really have any other parents I can socialize with and my ds doesn't have any really consistent friends, though I do take him to scouts and kung fu classes and to various playgrounds where he plays freely with anyone, and I may strike up a conversation. We visit with family about one day a week. I've got to say I don't feel starved for mental stimulation. But I live near family and friends I've known a long time. Is this odd? Am I just lucky?

What do you do to get your social fix? Do you participate in clubs or groups? Volunteering or church? Couples night? Playdates?

[claddaghmom]

I have zero social life. I can barely make it to a couple functions and it takes public commitment. Aka when I decided to go to a conference I had to invite my sister and tell other women I would be there, to actually be there.

I'm not really an introvert. Social interaction doesn't drain me. I guess I'm just more.... one on one. And very busy and not able to see the value in random stuff right now. It's hard to explain and most the time people misinterpret. But for example, if I took an evening off to sip margaritas and chat with a bunch of gfs, I would sit there the whole time thinking about all the other things I could be doing...

I just don't have enough time to take care of the things that are important to me, so I don't have any desire to use any time on anything else.

[sanguine_speed]

OP, yes you are very lucky to live near long-term friends and family.

I do not, however I still manage to have a pretty active social life. It is very important to me to maintain personal relationships with others, and I am lucky enough to have a partner who really doesn't' mind if I go out frequently. It is not unusual for me to see my adult friends without kids at least weekly, for knitting, for lunch or for dessert out. I also have some friends that I see regularly with my kids.

[nina_yyc]

Right now it is mostly playdates, playgroup, or inviting friends over for dinner. I also do some kid-inclusive volunteering and the odd night kid-free movie, drink or coffee date with friends. The baby is pretty new and I haven't really got around to looking for a babysitter yet so couple date nights are sadly lacking. DH can handle the two of them without me but I feel like it's a lot to ask of family or friends...EBF babe + energetic 3yo = trouble.

[Chamomile Girl]

Um, wow. My nearest family is two hours away and I go visit about once a month. I have lived in my current place for 7 months and have no friends here, although I have met a few folks (mostly connected with DH's job) once or twice. Both my husband and I are introverts and we don't get out much.

I have recently decided this is crud so I both joined the Y and signed up for a couple of local mom's groups (but I haven't really gone to a playgroup yet). I am nervous around new people, and this will be meeting many new people at once. I am also easily annoyed by people I find...well...annoying, which is why I have been reluctant to take this step sooner.

ETA: My kid has never been in daycare nor have I ever used a babysitter so date nights have been nonexistent thus far. I haven't seen a movie or had a relaxed meal since he was born really...

[Peppermint Poppies]

I get lots of social interaction, but it's all activities that I take my toddler and baby along to - playgroup weekly, a mums'n'bubs Bible study weekly, and occasional playdates with friends.

DH and I have gone out by ourselves twice in the last 3 years. I go out every 1-2 months with a friend - we meet up at a cafe and knit/crochet together - but we both usually get our DH's calling us to come home when the babes need nursing.

I would prefer to have a more active social life that revolves around more adult activities, but that's something that I'm just postponing until a different season of my life when my children are older.

[Jaxinator]

Well, between once and up to four times a week I work out with 1-3 friends. It depends on our fluctuating schedules who shows up on any particular day, but usually at least once a week I see at least one of them. This is while my kid is in nursery.
Sometimes we'll have lunch together. Sometimes it's hanging out with a completely different person.
Weekends sometimes we meet up with friends for dinner or lunch, hang out with the husband's coworkers, or none of the above, like this weekend.
Sometimes on the weekend, either I will go out for drinks, or my husband will (but for obvious reasons, not both of us).

I would love to live near my family, if I did my week would be a lot different. I would probably have lunch with my mom every day.

[RiverSky]

I have always gotten tons of social interaction. When my children were little, I was in a moms club, and went to every event (park days and field trips 2-3 times a week, plus 2 moms night outs a month). Once my children were older, we switched our focus to a homeschool group and with that, we go to as many events as we want to and can fit in our schedule. Years of being in that group has allowed me to pick and choose and make really good friends. Now my little group of close friends goes out at night once or twice a week. We also have family get-togethers and of course, I see friends and all of their children numerous times a week at clubs, classes, park days, playdates, etc. Honestly, I really enjoy the occasional day or days off where I can relax at home and not have to get together with anyone, as do my children.

[berry987]

I have a group of women I hang out with who are the mother's of my son's friends (there are about 8 of us). Some of them I consider friends, some not. We get together weekly to let the kids play as a group. I'm a bit closer to a few of them and we'll talk on the phone occasionally and we've had a couple nights out w/out kids. My DH and I are also in a neighborhood dinner rotation club - each month we switch homes and it's kind of a big potluck with the neighbors. We don't go monthly, probably every few months.

Otherwise...I have my family nearby, which includes my three sisters who I am very close to. They are definitely my closest friends, so it is wonderful having them near. Two of them have kids of their own, so we don't often get together w/out kids, but we do talk on the phone A LOT. But my younger sister doesn't have kids and she and her BF come over on the weekends, play with our kids, then we put them to bed and they stay and hang out for drinks.

I am a very social person, so I feel like I need a lot of different people to talk to. Luckily, the phone is handy and so is email/facebook. Does talking on the phone count as social time?

[BetsyS]

I'm not very social. But, that's not any different than the me before babies.

We go to a playgroup or two every week. I spend the better part of one day a week with my mom (going over around 9 and staying until 2 or 3). I do a moms' night out with my playgroup once every month or two. We go to church every week. We have an at-home date night every Saturday night, because of money. It's difficult for us to stretch to afford a babysitter and going out regularly. We go out alone maybe 3 times a year?

I like cooking classes, so I take those at they come up. Right now, I don't have a nursling (but I'm due in June), so I'm taking advantage of that, and I've taken 4 classes this year. I'm scheduled for a couple more before June.

For the season I'm in, this works for us.

[nola79]

I am also very fortunate to live very close to family and friends.
I go to the gym several times a week with 2 friends. My son plays sports year round, so I socialize at practices and games. I go to lunch/coffee dates with a friend maybe once a week. I volunteer at my son's school when I can.
DH and I go out usually once a week during the day. His parents watch the baby for a few hours while ds is in school (DH has a flexible job).
I feel very lucky to be able to get out of the house as much as I do.

[jeteaa]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

I have zero social life. I can barely make it to a couple functions and it takes public commitment. Aka when I decided to go to a conference I had to invite my sister and tell other women I would be there, to actually be there.

I'm not really an introvert. Social interaction doesn't drain me. I guess I'm just more.... one on one. And very busy and not able to see the value in random stuff right now. It's hard to explain and most the time people misinterpret. But for example, if I took an evening off to sip margaritas and chat with a bunch of gfs, I would sit there the whole time thinking about all the other things I could be doing...

I just don't have enough time to take care of the things that are important to me, so I don't have any desire to use any time on anything else.

This is me. I would say that I don't really have a 'adult" social life outside of my dh and e-mailing friends. BUT I'm OK with that. If I ever have any free time w/ free childcare I usually want to do activities where its almost impossible to find a friend who is also free at the same time.

[laughymama]

My social life is sporadic. We live near many friends we've known for years and years but it's a matter of finding a time when we can all get together.

I think it's our stage we're all at. DH and I are 23. Our friends are all 20-26 or so. The childless ones are still in college and/or some form of school and also working full time, involved in extracurriculars..etc. So it's really hard to find a time when we have a common day free. Plus, then DH and I have to make sure we have someone to watch DS.

I typically don't enjoy having company over during the evenings when DH works. I COULD but it just messes with what tiny bit of zen DS and I have going for us that evening. His nap gets interfered with, he doesn't eat well because he's distracted, he gets more energetic and gets pretty wild. It's just more of an inconvenience if they don't have children as well and it's not a playdate. I end up chasing Cain around, while they sit and hang out.

I don't go to playgroups. I don't have much in common with other young moms in my area and the older moms don't really see me as a peer or a mother...more as a young person with a child. So I don't get included in conversation and they don't seem inclined to befriend me.

Sometimes I get lonely but I've noticed that's typically after a particularly bad week or something. For the most part I am pretty content with how my social life is going. We try to keep a good balance.

[SoCaliMommy]

Kinda lacking

My best friend lives a hour away, my dad come June will be a hour away, my mom lives 30mins if that away.

I don't see my mom alot since she was working and then plus she has a 5yr old and 3 yr old.

I lost my one good friend that i had made from taking my daughter to the park alot, he died in Nov09 he was the parent that stayed at home with his two daughter's, his kids were close to the same age as my kids.

[kittywitty]

Zero. Maybe even less than zero. We live in BFE where you have to drive 60-90+ miles to even get to a theatre or...anything besides Walmart. No playgroups besides one that doesn't allow kids over 3 (or maybe younger...), we homeschool so we're social pariahs, and I have no friends. My dh has a big social life and a band and is gone half the week. Social life for me is talking about LOST here on MDC. I am such a loser.

[newbymom05]

I started to write a really whiny post but edited it to say I think the OP's sitch isn't unusual. We are 1K miles away from our families and have only lived here for 7 yrs, and that is unusual among our friends. We're the only family I know IRL that doesn't have nearby family to help with childcare, and lack of childcare is what hampers our social lives.

I keep plenty busy during the day with playgroup activities in the 3 groups we belong to, but never get any alone time with my husband b/c we don't have a babysitter. I contacted a service--it'd cost $75 just for the sitter, not practical. I can't seem to get a babysitter referral b/c everyone I know uses their family members. So no date nights for us and very little separate alone time until our toddler gets older or Mary Poppins flies in the window.

Like a PP wrote, I don't really want to hang out with friends w/o my kids--not only would it drive crazy thinking of all the things I could be doing, but because who I really want to hang out w/ is my DH. If I stuck him with the kids so I could have a drink I'd just feel guilty!

[nina_yyc]

Newbymom, most teenagers around here take a babysitting course. If that's the case where you live, can you call the place where they offer the course and see if you can get a referral?

eta: because you mentioned $75 and my eyes got all big. Seriously?? Apparently the going rate here is $5/hr for a 12 or 13yo.

[newbymom05]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc

Newbymom, most teenagers around here take a babysitting course. If that's the case where you live, can you call the place where they offer the course and see if you can get a referral?

eta: because you mentioned $75 and my eyes got all big. Seriously?? Apparently the going rate here is $5/hr for a 12 or 13yo.

We're weirdos--or masochists--and wouldn't be comfortable leaving our 20 mo old with a teen so we're waiting until he's older, or at least verbal. Yeah to the $75 and big eyes! That's through Seeking Sitters (can I write that?). It's a $15 booking fee plus a 4 hr minimum at $14.50 an hr for 2 kids. And we're in a low COL area! For that you get someone who drives and who's been background checked, CPR trained and brings their own activity w/ them. That would be great if I wanted to waste $75. With that just for the sit our date night would be sitting in the driveway, lol. But thanks for the teen idea, once bubs is older I'll def look into something like that.

[Bokonon]

I have a playgroup that meets every Friday, which is wonderful. We met at our hospital's breastfeeding support group, and while some of the moms are more mainstream than others, we all came from a breastfeeding background. And our babies are all around the same age.

As far as date night...we JUST got a babysitter for the first time recently, and DS is almost 5! So we've had 2 date nights this year, LOL. It's a start.

[phathui5]

We have frequent playdates with other homeschooling families, so I can hang out with the moms and the kids can play with the kids. Today we met another mom and her three kids at a park.

I work out at the Y 4-6 days a week, and get to talk to people there.

Dh and I go out together once or twice a month.