What to do when younger sibling stays dry through the night before older sibling?

[tatermom]

DS1, who is 5, is an extremely heavy sleeper and never, never wakes up on his own in the night to use the bathroom.  It is so hard to wake him up in the night: DH or I will take him to the bathroom before we go to bed and we literally have to drag the dead weight of his body to the bathroom and prop him up so he can pee and then half-carry him back to bed again. All of this is fine with us; we know there is a genetic component to bladder development so we have no expectations that DS1 will grow out of this anytime soon (and we have a waterproof mattress pad and I have no problem changing sheets). We've never made any kind of big deal about it and DS1 is under the assumption that most kids his age are still wearing diapers to bed (I don't actually know if most 5 year olds wear diapers to bed but I suspect most are not flooding their diapers to the same degree as DS).

All of this was fine, as I said, except that DS2, who is 2 and a half, is suddenly staying dry most nights (he's been potty trained for daytime for almost a year now as well). He also wears a pullup to bed and he will be totally dry in the morning even though he does not use the bathroom in the night. He's consistent enough with this that I'm almost ready to consider having him stop wearing the diaper to bed, except that I have no idea how this will go over with DS1. I don't want to continue to diaper DS2 even if he doesn't need it... I hate the toll that disposable diapers takes on the environment (both kids were cloth diapered during the day but we could never find a cloth diaper that would contain the flood of pee at night for DS1) but I really don't want DS1 to suddenly start feeling like there is something wrong with him.

Any thoughts? Anyone go through something similar?? Thanks!

Edited by tatermom - 5/30/11 at 6:49pm

[jgale]

We have the exact same situation in our family (complete with the soaking of the pull-ups). My 3 year old daughter hasn't worn a pull up to bed since she was 2 and a half. I can't remember it ever being an issue here. We just say "everyone's body is different" and (surprisingly, to me) that seems ok with my son. I think since you haven't stigmatized wetting the bed, it might not be as big a deal as you fear.

By the way--I work in hospitals and have acquired some 'chux' which are the waterproof, washable pads they put on the beds. They are absolutely a godsend for a bedwetter. I put one on top of the sheets every night, and if/when the pull up leaks, my ds just pulls the wet chux off the bed and tosses it on the floor, so at least we're not changing sheets in the middle of the night.

[lizabird]

We have the same thing here. When ds2 turned 2, he was pretty much dry most nights, now at 2.5, he is always dry and ds1 (who is almost 6.5) still pees in bed a couple of times a week.

ds1 knows he pees in bed, and knows that ds2 doesn't, and he's very proud of himself when he wakes up dry. A couple of times he asks why ds2 is always dry and I just tell him that ds2's body is more sensitive to the need to pee when he's sleeping. DS1 then vows to try to wake up if he has to pee, which sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't.

Actually our only source of "rivalry" so to speak, is when we go camping. I have ds1 wear a nighttime diaper in the tent so he can't pee in his sleeping bag. Ds1 doesn't mind this, but ds2 wants to wear a diaper too. Hmmmm. So then I have to tell him that he doesn't need a diaper because he doesn't pee in bed anymore.

[Red Pajama]

I have a similar situation here. One of my twins is in a night time diaper still, his twin hasn't been since 3 and a half. little sister is dry more nights than not. We have simply said that everybody's different, and when his body is ready he'll be dry at night, too.

I've got to look into the chux pads.

[LynnS6]

Our dd is 3 years younger than her brother and decided not to wear pull-ups to bed at about 2 1/2. She had one accident. Ds kept wearing Goodnights until he was 8.

They noticed the difference, but ds knew that he needed it. We didn't talk about this as 'all kids' but rather 'your body isn't ready to go through the night'. Just before ds turned 8, he started waking spontaneously during the night. About 3 months later, we were able to talk him into trying to go the night without the Goodnights. "What happens if I pee at night?" "The bed will get wet and we'll change the sheets." "Oh, OK." He was dry.

Neither of my kids compared themselves to the other and they're quite competitive. They understood this was something that they couldn't control.

[tatermom]

Thanks, everyone. Perhaps this seems like a bigger deal to me than it will to DS. We have talked about how bodies grow differently recently since DS1 is noticing that DS2 has a dry diaper in the morning (DS2 announces it). I'll just have to keep reinforcing that idea. I'm going to look into the chux pads, too.

Thanks again!!

[aja-belly]

marvel has been in panties at night for months but jet is still in pull ups. it has been a non-issue here. i think jet has not noticed or does not care.

[eepster]

I think one of the reasons this is seeming like a issue is b/c you are viewing bed wetting/dry all night as a sign of immaturity/maturity.

Full on bedwetting like you describe is really a type of parasomnia. It is similar to sleepwalking and sleeptalking. Though parasomnia is much more common in children than in adults (and therefore to a certain degree do get outgrown) they are not directly related to maturity or bladder size.

Try not to see this as child 1 being behind in something from child 2. Try to look at it as child 1 having a minor disorder (inherited from dad) that child 2 doesn't happen to have.