Potty Resistance 3.5 yo

[vonn's_mama]

I really need help. This weekend, my dh accused me of making our son developmentally delayed with my "laissez-faire" parenting philosophy because our ds, who is 3 years and 4 months old is still not using the potty at all. He just has no interest in it, and when we try to talk about it or read books about it or anything he pretends he can't hear us. He's a sweet kids, but also very stubborn. We're worried because he's signed up for pre-school 2 mornings a week starting in September, and we know he'd love it, but he won't get to go if we can't get him using the potty by then.

Has anyone successfully gotten through potty resistance? Does anyone have any tips? People keep telling me that he won't go to college in diapers, and I ruefully agree - you definitely have to be potty trained to go to college!

[tatermom]

DS1 was also potty resistant at age 3. He would refuse to use the potty and was wearing pullups, and he was so stubborn about it. I was really sick of the power struggle! What eventually worked was that I just really had to change my own thinking and become fully committed to potty learning. A few days ahead of time I talked up the transition to underwear, and then on the designated day I got rid of all daytime diapers and took DS to the store to pick out new big kid undies. He was not very excited about this but I tried to make a big deal about it anyway. We also picked out a big kid digital wristwatch that would beep every hour and used it as a reminder for DS to go to the potty so that he could feel empowered rather than me always nagging him. Then, we just did it. It was a rough first week. Lots of accidents in the house. But I really think that DS needed to pee all over himself a few times to really *get* it; I'd always assumed he'd just one day be magically ready, but instead I think he really needed practice with the cause and effect of not listening to his body, rather than the diaper which always kept him from getting all wet. I just had to be ready to stay calm, say "oops, next time you can pee in the potty" when he had an accident, and I had to stay tuned to the beeping of the watch so I could remind him "DS, your watch is beeping! Do you hear it??".

Good luck!!

PS. Don't beat yourself up about it. I see you have another little one as well; it was the same situation with us, and I was just overwhelmed with the idea of trying to potty train my oldest when dealing with the baby at the same time (or when I was 7-9 months pregnant when I was so uncomfortable). Your son won't go to college in diapers!

[nameisrio]

I posted this response to someone else a few weeks ago. I hope it helps you too!

My daughter was 3 yrs. 2 mos and we were in the same boat as you. She was definitely holding onto diapers for security or maybe it was a control issue. I tried refusing to put her in diapers; that led to major tantrums. I tried telling her we weren't buying any more diapers when we ran out - that didn't go over well either. Finally, I suggested we have a "Potty Party". I bought a cake and let her decorate it. Then I told her to have some cake (she LOVES cake) she had to use the potty. She did - and this was after her not going NEAR the potty for probably 2 months, at home or school. Then I told her we were giving our last few diapers to the "Potty Fairy". We put them in a bag and set it outside. I told her the Potty Fairy would bring her a present in the AM and that she would wear panties from now on and pull-ups at night.

IT WORKED! She had had maybe 3 or 4 accidents since then, most in the first couple of days. She now uses the potty at school too. After a couple weeks, she used a public toilet (adult size) for the first time, while we were at a bday party. Soon after that she gave her little potty chair to the Potty Fairy, as well. Now she uses the big toilet (yay, no more cleaning her potty!).

Sounds a little silly, but it might be worth a try. (I did a similar thing with the "Bottle Fairy" when she turned 2, which also worked great.) Good luck!

[sarahr]

The beeping watch is a great idea. When we've tried to go cold turkey (or use pull-ups) dd always denies that she needs to go until it's too late, and I hate nagging her.

Our deadline is July 19 (for big kid camp) -- I hope we make it.

[vonn's_mama]

Thank you!

Thank you so much for your advice! I love the beeping clock idea and the cake idea. I think you were also like me that you thought a time would come when your child would say, "I'm ready." I've never really made an issue of it because the books said not to, but I'm beginning to think that he needs to be given a reason to switch from the comfort of the known to this scary new way of doing things.

Having read your responses I believe for the first time that we can do this! I think I'm going to take Thursday, Friday, and the weekend to just really focus on potty. No outings, not friends over, just us and the potty!

Thanks again!

[tatermom]

OP, another idea: I have friends who potty trained their child over the weekend by staying at home and letting the kid run around naked, and providing lots of juice boxes and other drinks so he'd have to go potty frequently. After just one or two accidents my friend's son really got it and had fun running to the potty when he had to go. Just another option depending on your child's personality (i.e. if he'd make a game out of peeing all over the house, then I wouldn't go that route!!). Hope you find a solution that works!

[reezley]

Ahhh! Wrote a long post but lost it. So, the short version - yes, you can do it! We just did, a week and a half ago. DS turned 3 in Feb and was ready. But wouldn't do it himself. I decided *I* was ready and told him the next day he'd wear underwear. He went through about 7 pairs of underwear/pants combos that day (would start in his underwear, then run to the potty), but was learning and the next day did much better! Third day I think he was dry!

It wasn't "painless" for him though - for a couple days he agonized over the decision to use the potty each time, knowing he HAD to (or have wet underwear) but he paced around like a woman in labor, lettign out yells or whining "noooooo!" while he held it in. I felt bad... but I knew deep down he was ready and could do it. He was just nervous? or scared? or sad about the new way? I don't know. But he was proud every time he finally did it, and after a couple days he was great, and asked to wear underwear at night, and he's dry at night too!

Things we did that I think were helpful: We had a chart (got it off a pullups box actually) and cute stickers and cookies for celebrating (we used that word - celebrate! Not "reward".... I didn't want it to be taken that way). The cookies were supposed to be for filling a row on the chart - but ended up being promised for the first time he did use the potty, and other victories! Shameless, but I felt it was useful and necessary. One other thing was that he was resisting the potty but liked my suggestion of standing to pee in the bathtub. It got him over the mental block about the potty I think. (He used the potty for poop every time though.)

Good luck! You CAN do it!