Divorce party?

[Freedom~Mama]

What do you think of this concept? Are you having one?

[incorrigible]

OMG! That's a brilliant idea! I wish I'd had one! lol I did set up a date w a totally hottie for the NIGHT the papers were finalized though.

Fast forward almost 7 years. I have to look up my wedding date. I can get it down to year and month, but always get the date wrong. ... But the divorce date is as firm in my mind as my own birthday. That says something, there, I think. lol

[meemee]

do you know there is also a thing called the divorce ring?!!!

we had a separation party. all us girls got together and just welcomed me to freedom land.

however that first night alone after he left and it was just dd adn me and not waiting for ex to come home. that was a huge celebration and soooo much relief right there.

[simplemama32]

I think the occasion should be marked by something...a party, a fun weekend trip...whatever would mean the most to you.

[JunipersMom]

Wow -- I've tried and just cant think of anything I would want to 'celebrate' from the ending of my marriage. Especially not anything that would lead me to invite others to celebrate with me. It's such a sad thing - an ending I didnt want for my kids and my own future. And while I'm thankful I wont be living with him again.. I still have to deal with him for my childrens whole life. I did have a big glass of wine the day my divorce was final - symbolic toast for making it to that point with dignity left.. but just cant picture a party.
My thoughts

[Freedom~Mama]

I am glad for the differing opinions. If my marriage hadn't been so abusive I would not be thinking of having a party. I am glad though to be free of him and glad the kids are away as well.

I understand though that every circumstance is different and I know that any divorce is usually painful in one way or another.

[Rosehip]

It's not something I would have had a party for. However, my friends and family knew that I had been dying for the divorce to be finalized, and a couple of them took me out for a drink or lunch, which was really nice.

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

Right now, I can't imagine celebrating the finalization of my divorce. Maybe if there had been bad times that would justify the ending of our marriage, I could. I recognize that if there had been bad times, or if I had a reason to hate my STBX, I would probably be able to find a reason to be happy about it, but at this point, all I can see is the death of our marriage and the ending of a dream, along with the devastation of our children.

Maybe when it's all said and done, I'll have gotten to that point.

[La Sombra]

Hm, Beautiful~Life, I think your note that you are leaving an abusive marriage is an important one; for you, the divorce may be a bit more unequivocally something to celebrate (even if, perhaps, for other women in your situation it is not exactly that).

For me, what I like about the idea of a celebration is the idea of having SOME kind of ritual to mark the end of the marriage, and also something to say that it doesn't have just to be the end of one thing but can also be the beginning of something new. I certainly like to think that that's true in my case!

On the other hand, at least from my perspective, it would be wrong (and kind of...tacky?) simply to celebrate the end of my marriage because that wouldn't be honoring the very real pain, grief, loss and regret that have been associated with it.

I intend to do a ritual to cleanse myself and move on from this chapter of my life: something that acknowledges both the pain and the joy of the divorce. I have a book on creating family rituals and so my idea comes from that: I am going to bury a few meaningful things of ours in the yard of our family home (before I move), burn a candle or some incense, say some special words and a prayer and I don't know what else. I think it will be an important way to heal.

I plan to do a similar ritual with my dd for when we move, as a way of saying goodbye to our house and this part of our past and opening ourselves to a new future. Like I said, I really believe in the power of ritual and I think your question really points to our need for that, as humans--so thank you!

[Freedom~Mama]

BTW when I say divorce party I mean a very small and simple celebration with my family. Of course it will be bittersweet. There is a lot of pain and grief and things I am working through as well. I see this though as a new beginning. It is definitely not all excitement though. It has been very hard for me. I doubt there is ever a divorce that is light hearted. It is a huge deal and it is tough.

[La Sombra]

Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life

BTW when I say divorce party I mean a very small and simple celebration with my family. Of course it will be bittersweet. There is a lot of pain and grief and things I am working through as well. I see this though as a new beginning. It is definitely not all excitement though. It has been very hard for me. I doubt there is ever a divorce that is light hearted. It is a huge deal and it is tough.

Ah, I hear ya. In that case, I think what we're saying is very similar and your idea sounds beautiful and healing.

I have heard before of "divorce parties" or "divorce showers" or something like that...I don't want to judge anyone because I TRULY believe that we all have a right to heal and express our feelings in whatever way is best and healthiest for each of us. But these always struck me as a bit, I don't know, cheap or tacky, because I do think the bittersweetness of divorce deserves to be acknowledged. But again, this depends on the circumstances and the person and I would absolutely try to support a friend in whatever she felt she needed to move on in a healthy, strong, confident way!

But, yeah, Beautiful~Mind, your dinner with close family and friends sounds like exactly the kind of thing that I think would be soooo lovely and meaningful and crucial to your healing. So I wish you a blessed divorce party, or whatever we want to call it, should you do it!!!

[Freedom~Mama]

Aww thank you!

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life

BTW when I say divorce party I mean a very small and simple celebration with my family. Of course it will be bittersweet. There is a lot of pain and grief and things I am working through as well. I see this though as a new beginning. It is definitely not all excitement though. It has been very hard for me. I doubt there is ever a divorce that is light hearted. It is a huge deal and it is tough.

Oh, I'd definitely do this. In fact, I told my sister last week that the day everything was final, I needed her to pick me up off the floor and take me out for drinks, or something, because I'd be a mess.

So I guess in a way, that's the same thing, although I'm looking at it as more of a distraction.

Anyway we look at it, it's a hard, hard thing.

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by JunipersMom

Wow -- I've tried and just cant think of anything I would want to 'celebrate' from the ending of my marriage. Especially not anything that would lead me to invite others to celebrate with me. It's such a sad thing - an ending I didnt want for my kids and my own future. And while I'm thankful I wont be living with him again.. I still have to deal with him for my childrens whole life. I did have a big glass of wine the day my divorce was final - symbolic toast for making it to that point with dignity left.. but just cant picture a party.
My thoughts

For people who are abused and treated terrible, like BL and myself, a party seems in order For me, it is about my freedom! Never again will I get slapped, kicked, punched. Freedome is worth celebrating

But no, I am not having one, I don't have any friends to invite

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life

BTW when I say divorce party I mean a very small and simple celebration with my family. Of course it will be bittersweet. There is a lot of pain and grief and things I am working through as well. I see this though as a new beginning. It is definitely not all excitement though. It has been very hard for me. I doubt there is ever a divorce that is light hearted. It is a huge deal and it is tough.

Ok, then what I did probably falls into the ballpark of what you're thinking. I wrote "It's final!" on my Facebook update, send out some emails to my girlfriends, and then a few of them treated me to drinks, etc. There was no formally organized party, but my close friends & family acknowledged it in very nice ways!

[Halfasianmomma]

Well, I was in an abusive relationship with an addict/alcoholic and I am DEFINITELY having a divorce party. In fact, it will be a grand event.

Before things between Saxman and I became serious, I had told him about my possible divorce date, should STBX not contest (October 31, 2010), and I told him I expected him to organize something EPIC, the likes of which no one had seen. Hehe. Even now that we're "together", he tells me that he's got something very fun/interesting/liberating in mind, with many guests invited. I'm so curious...I am definitely celebrating the end of what I consider to be the most nightmarish period of my life.

I'm also planning a dinner party with my family and a few girlfriends because they *all* are ecstatic that I will be finally divorced from STBX.

Finally, a week after STBX gets served, I'm getting a beautiful tattoo to cover up the crap I put on my lower back to "prove" to STBX that I was faithful and loved him...ick. By the time our first court date comes around, my gorgeous new piece (a lotus blossom floating on waves of water) will be complete. It's silly to focus on this, but for me, it's very symbolic.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life

What do you think of this concept? Are you having one?

Absolutely

[Freedom~Mama]

Awesome!

[jaidymama]

No matter the circumstances of a divorce, it seems marking the event could be part of healing and moving forward into the next chapter. I have heard (and experienced) that divorce is like a death. So it would make sense that because death is generally marked with a ceremonial funeral/memorial service that we could each create a ceremony or gathering or party to aid our grieving, have some fun and look to the future...

[jaidymama]

at the very least, do something nice for yourself...