Helping Children Let Stuff/Art Go

[mommyabroad]

I've always considered myself a fabulous declutter-er -- my husband and I have moved almost as many times as we've been married and keep only what really matters to us. But I have been struggling with my 6-year-old's stuff -- the tons and tons of things "to keep" and all of the artwork that is overflowing. We made some progress moving things from the house to the garage but now it's just all in the garage.

We live in a small home and are expecting a baby soon and I feel so guilty if I toss or pass on anything of his. And I feel like I should ask his permission before I move anything out. Long story short but as a child, my mom's stuff filled our house -- my closet, the hall closet, her closet, etc. Not only did I have little space of my own, but she would dump all of my stuff out on my bed if she didn't like how it was "organized." So I'm aware of my own feelings and wounding around space/stuff and wanting to be sensitive to DS but at the same time ... I feel like my house is being consumed so there's not much space for thinking/being/creating.

How do you all work with your children around this issue?

[kerc]

We have an "art gallery" -- stuff that we like well enough to display is hung up there (clothesline). About once a season I need to declutter the art gallery and we make a decision about stuff to keep in the art box (if it's big) or put in an album (if it is album sized) or recycle (recycling bin or wrapping paper). Adding a little delay to the decision seems to make things less precious and aid our ability to let go. Having the albums that we can look at also helps.

If something doesn't fit in one of these two places, we can't keep it.

We only started this system last year. Prior to about age 6 my oldest was completely unable to fathom letting things go.

Having a space of your own to keep your stuff is important, IMO. But artwork doesn't fit into a drawer (we each have a drawer and anything that doesn't rot and fits into that drawer you can keep with no questions asked).

[WeasleyMum]

I agree. He should definitely have some space that he can use to store whatever he likes, but there's no reason it should be allowed to take over the house. If it can't fit in his room (and put away or stored, not flowing all over), then time to decide what's important and worth keeping.

FWIW, I've always been something of a hoarder, and wish that I'd been taught to sort, organize, and most of all prioritize "stuff". I wish I'd learned to toss what wasn't really important. Since your son seems to be kind of like that, it will be super-valuable for him to learn this starting now. You keeping everything for him, storing it in the garage, is only going to reinforce the idea that he "has to" keep it!

[Crayfish]

I don't have kids. (I worry when I say that, that someone will tell me to run along to some other forum.) I do have a mother who's a mild hoarder. (And, since it sounds like yours was too, have you seen the Children of Hoarders group on Yahoo? It's a very useful resource.)

To me, it sounds like the problem with your mother was:

1) That she was entirely self-focused, using most space (including what was logically your space) for _her_ stuff.

2) That she was inclined to unnecessary blame and dramatic criticism.

These are, by the way, extremely common behaviors for a severe hoarder parent.

I'd say that you can put limits on your own child's stuff without making either of those mistakes. You limit your own possessions, and your son will see that, so I don't think that he'll see it as unfair when you limit his. Of course, he's a child, so he'll shriek and howl that it's unfair when you do anything that he doesn't like, but I still think that his understanding will be very different from yours.

And I think that giving your son too much power in this area is putting too much of a burden on him, and possibly putting too high a value on "stuff" for him.

If you tell him what to do in other areas of his life - to eat healthy food, to wear warm clothes, to go to bed now, to stop climbing on the furniture - but you give him complete power in this area, the area of "stuff", that's not good for him.

His decisions about stuff, if you obey them, will result in an unhappy household for all of you, and that's not a power that's good for a child. A child needs to know that his parents are going to make everything OK, and if you take the power to do that away from yourself and give it to him, that's frightening.

It could also make "stuff" the primary area where he exercises power and control, which will produce an unhealthy attitude toward stuff.

So I think that it's important to gently, kindly, with understanding, insist that his stuff remain within very clear limits.

Crayfish

[Masel]

Yesterday I took pictures of a bunch of DD's artwork. I used to just set it on the floor and take the picture standing up. Now, when I get organized, I put it on a white board with her name, the year and season written on it. I've only kept a very very small stack of actual artwork.

I was worried about DD's reaction. Her birth family has severe hoarding issues and DH and I aren't issue free. The artwork I decluttered wasn't in her room. There she has a chance to help clean up. If not I'll either put it away in the basement or pitch it. Before DD2 arrived I felt like we were drowning in stuff. I had to do something to make room for her. As much as I wanted to tread lightly on DD1's feelings I had to take care of my own mental health too.

[briome]

I also took digital photos of my son's artwork to clear out some stuff. He did not seem to concerned luckily and is a high producer.

My mother threw out most of my artwork- even High school and college level stuff that I had at her house ( I went to art school, this was quality stuff, paintings and large time consuming peices!) It wasn't that much actually but It was thrown away and I have always felt very betrayed. She is very into the voluntary simplicity thing.
Very different then most people I know who have parents that keep EVerything! I think moderation is a good idea!

Ugg, I get upset just thinking about that stuff. I lived cross country at the time, it is not like I could just 'stop by' and get it!

[mommyabroad]

Thank you everyone so much for all of your helpful ideas and insights -- and crayfish, you really got me thinking about how in my attempt to be sensitive to his needs, I may have put quite a burden on him in terms of power/control. I'm going to try some new strategies!

[Thursday Girl]

ART- I took pictures of ALL of my daughters art pieces, then we chose some of our favorites to keep. At some point i need to print out the pictures and put them in a photo album, right now they are all on the computer. You could maybe even get one of those digital picture frames and fill a card w/ nothign but their art work.

sadly with my 2nd daughter I have just thrown a lot of it out without photographing it, but as I have begun to look back at my first daughters artwork I want to do the same with the 2nd daughter b/c it is nice to look back.

[ms.shell]

I have this problem with my 8 yo's papers; there is plenty of drawings, but mostly he writes lists and stuff and he is VERY prolific. I do not feel that it is my place to decide what gets kept and what is tossed....most of those lists if they are even legible are pretty silly to me and i would be inclined to toss them. But they are not mine. However, I cannot have papers piling up indefinitely and all over his room. I gave him a large plastic under the bed box and told him he could keep as many papers as would fit in there, but when it was full he would have to discard some. Then, when it got full, he was having trouble getting rid of much of anything. So I got him a really thick binder and went in with the hole punch to help him. He did throw away some stuff, and we started putting things he knew he wanted to keep in the binder, which goes on his bookshelf. This cleared a lot of space in the box for more papers as he completes them. Sometimes he comes and asks me to punch holes and puts something immediately into the binder, other times he just stuffs papers in the box and i guess i will help him with it again once it fills back up.

edit to add: i have also started buying/ making/ giving him cool notebooks in which to write his lists, so that there is not so much the problem of reams and reams of loose paper. Notebooks stash away on the shelf with no trouble. I guess i should get him a nice sketch book for drawings, too.

[lexmas]

I have to say, I LOVE the idea of taking pictures of their artwork and getting a digital frame. I think that's an amazing idea, and I am completely going to do it!

[justmeandmybrood]

For Christmas this past year, I took out about 20 or so special 3-D projects and paintings, drawings, etc. from DS's birth-kindergarten years. I photographed it (or scanned it when possible) and then made a small 5x5 Snapfish/Shutterfly hardbound book. The book is very thin, enabled me to journal about the pieces of art included, and most importantly, enabled me to chunk the real items (though it took me months to finally chunk it - I am too sentimental!).

For school the past 2 years (K and 1st so far) I have a Rubbermaid file box and I toss in his school work at the end of the year. During the year, I keep it in a different container more easily accessible, then each week/month/semester I go through what I have saved, try to save the pieces that show his progression and will add it to the file box

When it comes to toys, I explain to him that things we do not play with may be treasures for someone else (we are planning a yard sale and he is planning to donate his toy money to a local charity - I was so proud of his idea so now the entire booty from our family yard sale will go to this great charity). We donate things, sell things, and share things with others. If that does not work, I explain that he has no room to add newer, more mature toys...nor does he have enough space to appreciate what he has. I find with him, being cerebral with him is key.

However, DD (4.5) is totally different! I have to just tell her I cannot keep all the art, but I do take pictures and she will get a special book like DS did when she is in K. She still does not like it, but she has come to understand it better and mostly accept it. I also still have the originals of the special (about 5 or so things a month) so seeing them makes her feel better.

For toys with DD, she is starting to get a *wee bit* better about letting go, though honestly, I sometimes just take things and box them up in the basement and if she does not notice they are gone months later, then I get rid of the items.

Good luck!

[Juvysen]

[mommyabroad]

Keep all the ideas coming I'm making progress.....

[clutterwarrior]

Subbing because I need help with this too.

[jtbuko]

My kids like to save the recent stuff. A few items go up on the wall, but the rest goes in a bin, and when it gets full they split into 3 piles: recycle, photograph/ scan then recycle, keep.