Do your mental hangups effect your children negatively? - Page 2

[meemee]

bluewolf - this is how i reach out to people. its easy to do that with friends, but hard with others where you can have misunderstanding.

its mostly work i do on myself. i focus on removing all prejudice against that person. to see that person as a mom who is struggling. to have compassion for her. compassion is the key. this means you create whatever story or whatever you need to do to feel for your SIL. to not not one iota of judgement. not easy to do, but definitely doable.

because i believe we only partly communicate with words. i think most of our communic. is unconcious body language. and if both of that comes from a place of support, the person always listens. they take note. it makes all the difference. if you speak through your heart people listen. even strangers. you dont see it as criticism.

doesnt mean though that you will always have success, that they will heed. but you do definitely leave an impression with them.

[lolar2]

At least from what I've read, there have been twin studies that showed that a lot of things really are genetic. Like the eating disorder thing referenced above-- food issues can be genetic (plus-cultural). If you are talking about outright abuse or neglect, yes, that definitely affects children, no question; even if you're close to it but not quite over the line; but when you get away from those kinds of clear-cut cases, the science is not conclusive that "mental hang-ups" are anything but genetic-plus-cultural. (So for ex-- someone with genetic anxiety in a culture where thinness is valued, might become anorexic, but in another culture they might become super-religious in a cult, or something like that. Even if the parents have no food or religious issues.)

[BlueWolf]

lolar2... that really makes you think. Definitely nature vs nurture... but the nurture portion can be so different just based on your culture alone. The complexity is truly amazing when you sit down to think about it.