Unprepared to be Questioned! HELP - Page 2

[Kidzaplenty]

This is what I had to do for my unsupportive family.

"Listen Mom, this is how I am taking care of me and my baby. I have done and am doing everything possible to have the safest and best prgy and birth I can. What you think or want is not my concern. If you can stand by me and support me in my decisions, then I really would like you around. But, if you are going to keep bringing up arguments or opposition, I will have to ask you to stay away from me until after the baby is here. I will NOT change my mind and any further negativity from you will only endanger OUR relationship. If it becomes necessary, I will stop answering phones, doors, and e-mails from you. The choice is totally yours on whether or not to be in my life at this time."


It is really hard to actually say things like this to some people. But, I think it is easier to just take a deep breath, close your eyes, and then just say it, get it over with, and then go on rather than have to fight constantly against it.

I have actually had a couple of good pressure free pgcies since I put my foot down. I just wish I had done it sooner.

[zapzipzee]

My Response

My mom was at it again today. She showed up unannounced and at every opportunity in conversation she turned toward prenatal care. Apparently she called her OBGYN and asked her to recommend a midwife (apparently this is better than nothing). Her doc told her she couldn't do that but would like for me to come see her. She also said she wouldn't make me do any ultra sounds if I didn't want them. My mom tried to further encourage me to go to her because it is the same doctor my cousin had, althought she didn't bring up my cousin ending up with an epidural due to induction with BOTH children.

She also has been telling everyone that I dont have a doctor and who are their doctors? She said I need to start interviewing them because it took one of her friends six weeks to find the one she likes.

Finally I think she got the picture that I wasn't discussing it with her because I just smiled and nodded.

Here is something I typed up and will keep in my purse for the next time. I really dont trust myself to say this without it comming out wimpy sounding. What do you all think?

Thanks!


"Our top priority is a healthy baby, which is why I will not submit to prenatal testing and observation, however, I am getting prenatal care. Seeing a doctor for prenatal care does not create better outcomes for the mother or baby, and hospital care and midwifery interferes and can cause damage to infants and their mothers. We have chosen this method of care because it is the safest for both me and the baby.

I have not contracted an infection, nor am I diseased, there is nothing wrong with me. I am pregnant, as have been billions of women before me, and considering the population of the planet (beginning with two), it seems that the majority of women do not die and neither do their babies. Please do not insinuate that this is going to happen if I don’t seek medical treatment for pregnancy.

We have made our decision and it is not open for debate, but I do understand your concern. Just as you made your decisions for your pregnancies and births based on the information available to you, I am doing the same, however, the information I have available to me paints a much different picture. Below I have listed two well researched articles that will hopefully show you that picture. If you’re interested, I can help you obtain them. Below the articles are the guidelines I am following for a healthy pregnancy and baby. In addition to these things, I am doing a weekly Urinalysis (usually done monthly when seeing a physician) so I know if I need to seek medical treatment. I am also going to be seeing a chiropractor in the third trimester to prepare for birth, and may see someone for massage if needed.

I would very much appreciate your support in this, but if you are unable to provide that, I will not discuss it with you further. We have made our decision, and any opposition to that only causes stress, which is not conducive of a healthy pregnancy and baby."

[Kidzaplenty]

A handy written response is a really good thing, but I think yours may be a bit wordy and have more info than you need. I, personally, would leave out what prenatal care I was getting, as it opens the doors for futher discussion and gets people involved in your medical dealings. Once you begin discussing your behaviour and/or actions, people begin to think they have the right to offer opinions.

I think I would say something more like this:

"Our top priority is a healthy baby and mom, which is why my husband and I have made the choice to have alternative pre-natal care; this, will ensure we have the best and safest outcome as possible for both of us.

We have made our decisions regarding this care, and it is not open for debate. Though I understand your concerns regarding our choices, I expect you to respect our decisions on this matter. For these decisions were not made lightly but after much research, thought, and prayer. (I can provide you with some of the research if you are interested.)

I am not sick, nor have I contracted an infection, or a disease; there is nothing wrong with me. I am pregnant. And we are thrilled to be bringing a new life into this world and will do all within our power to ensure that that little life arrives with the utmost of care. I would very much appreciate your support in this, but if you are unable to provide that, I will not discuss it with you futher. We have made our final decision, and any opposition to that only causes me stress, which is not conducive of a healthy pregnancy and baby."

Anyways, that is more the way I would say it. Leaving out the reasoning behind your choices as well as your specific steps you are taking. Most people that are debating you are not interested in why you made your choices, just in changing your mind. And telling people the steps you are taking (especially when they do not realize that it is likely more than what an OB prenatal visit consists of) just opens the door to discussing it; along with giving them more room to try and convince you you are wrong.

[Jacksonmom]

If she says that woman was "blessed by God", then I would be quick to ask her why she thinks you aren't. I would point out that her hope seems to be in a doctor and not in Him. Remind her that Isaiah quoted God as saying this:

Shall I bring to the point of birth and not cause to bring forth?”
says the Lord;
“shall I, who cause to bring forth, shut the womb?”
says your God.

(http://www.esvstudybible.org/search?q=Isaiah+66%3A9)

Ask her if she believes that God would "bring you to the point of birth" and then make the baby not be born. And, remember, this is your and your husband's decision...not hers. You love her, you love that she cares about you, but she can't make your decisions for you. ((hugs))

[zapzipzee]

Thank you Kidzaplenty and Jacksonmom. I really like what you both said, and will post what I come up with later.

I didn't realize anyone would even ask some of the questions I have been asked. I guess I should have expected it from my mom because she know's I've been anti-doctor/medical community for quite some time. She heard a commercial on TV about education and childbirth but only caught a snipit of it. She said maybe we should know less about it and let the doctors do their job instead of questioning everything they do to try to help us. I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say!!! What is wrong with learning and educating yourself? WOW!