How to deal with a 2 years old

[mom61508]

DD is almost 22 months old and man she has changed in the last 3 weeks! She's moodier which I do attribute to the fact that we have been in a hotel for 3 weeks so our eating isn't as good as it would be If we were at home.

BUT I need guidance because I totally snapped on her yesterday and I feel awful. When I tell her not to do something she tells me no repeatedley.
When it's time to change her diaper she won't let me..she jsut keeps kicking hard at me. When I ask her to stop she just laughs and keeps doing it literally nothing I do will stop her. It's a hug battle every time.

What can I do so I don't end up spanking her out of anger???

[pianojazzgirl]

First of all know that she is acting normally for her age. It can be a tough age to be sure, I know, but what you are describing is totally age-appropriate. So perhaps when you feel the anger mounting take some breaths and remind yourself "she is 2 (not even!). This is normal. This will pass". Just to help yourself respond less emotionally, iykwim. Also remind yourself what you already know: you are staying away from home (trigger for "bad behaviour") and you are not eating as well as usual (trigger for "bad behaviour"). Remind yourself of this and it might help you to respond (in your mind) more gently.

Now, as for the behaviours....

Diaper changes can be hell at that age. I seriously don't know anyone IRL who has not gone through a difficult time with dipe changes when their kid was around that age. For pee dipes can you change her standing up? A lot of kids prefer a standing diaper change at that age. Obviously for poopy dipes you need to change her lying down. What I do with ds when he's fussy (which, btw, is waaay less often now that he's 2.5 yrs old) is lie him down in front of the tv and switch it on for the few mins that the d change takes. Try to think of other things that might distract her - I'm thinking let her hold an off-limits item like a cell phone for the time the d change takes?

Her saying "no" when you tell her not to do something... (can you give us some specific examples?)

One thing you can try to do is say "yes" as much as possible instead of "no". Try to see if you can "honour the impulse" behind what she's doing. So (for ex) if she's playing with her food, smearing it all around and making a huge mess you can re-direct her to an ok way that she can get the same sensory experience (playdough comes to mind). With a little creativity you can often come up with a way to redirect her from a "no" situation to a "yes" situation.

The other thing is to minimize the potential "no"s. Like if a problem is her running away from you in a public place then make sure you are holding her hand at all times, or keep her in a stroller or carrier. (At the same time take her to appropriate places to run around (park) when you can.) If lately she has been fussing when you take her to eat in a restaurant then for the time being switch to getting take-out (or food from the super market) and eat it in your hotel room or as a picnic at the park. Try to give some thought as to what might turn into a difficult (fussy, tantrummy, etc) situation with her and then just avoid it as best you can. Also, you're in a hotel room, so I know it's not as easy as when you're home, but try to put all "no" objects up out of her reach. Do your best to make her living space free for her to explore - ie. a "yes" zone.

Good luck mama - I know it isn't easy!

[mom61508]

wow that was exactly the response I needed!!! I'm going to print that and keep it on the counter hehe.

Thanks yo so much your post really helped me

[pianojazzgirl]

Aw shucks... glad I could help.

[just_lily]

My DD is 21 months, and we are going through a lot of the same things. I keep telling everyone that I am so done with "2" and my kid hasn't even had her birthday yet!!

When she is in a "no" mood I have figured out that I can usually get her compliance if I first ask her if she wants to do something else that she enjoys, and then say we need to do X first.

"DD, do you want to have a snack (go play toys, go to the park, wash your hands, etc.)?" *nod nod* "Well then we have to pick up our toys (change our diaper, put our soother away, etc.) first."

She actually gets that logic and most of the time will go along with what I am asking to get to what she wants. But I have to phrase it exactly that way. If I say "You have to do X before we can do Y" or any other version of the same thing it doesn't work.

The kicking during diaper changes drives. me. crazy. I mean it is not like I enjoy wiping poop off of someone else's behind, and the fact that she fights me on it really triggers me. If distractions and reasoning aren't working and I really need to change her (like poop) I will just stick her in her crib and tell her that she can let me know when she is ready. She doesn't like that too much and usually says "I'm weddy!!!!" really fast, and then is more cooperative. It also gives me some physical distance from her before I lose my cool.

[LCBMAX]

Just a quick thought about changing the poop dipes - our son loves to do the yoga pose "downward dog" and he's very willing to do this as a part of post-poop clean ups. You get a great vantage point, the kid is entertained by the upside down world and clean up is no longer a passive experience on their backs.

Anyway, good luck - they are all monsters sometimes!

[mom61508]

Originally Posted by just_lily

My DD is 21 months, and we are going through a lot of the same things. I keep telling everyone that I am so done with "2" and my kid hasn't even had her birthday yet!!

When she is in a "no" mood I have figured out that I can usually get her compliance if I first ask her if she wants to do something else that she enjoys, and then say we need to do X first.

"DD, do you want to have a snack (go play toys, go to the park, wash your hands, etc.)?" *nod nod* "Well then we have to pick up our toys (change our diaper, put our soother away, etc.) first."

She actually gets that logic and most of the time will go along with what I am asking to get to what she wants. But I have to phrase it exactly that way. If I say "You have to do X before we can do Y" or any other version of the same thing it doesn't work.

The kicking during diaper changes drives. me. crazy. I mean it is not like I enjoy wiping poop off of someone else's behind, and the fact that she fights me on it really triggers me. If distractions and reasoning aren't working and I really need to change her (like poop) I will just stick her in her crib and tell her that she can let me know when she is ready. She doesn't like that too much and usually says "I'm weddy!!!!" really fast, and then is more cooperative. It also gives me some physical distance from her before I lose my cool.

Sounds just like DD...today was rough everything was a NO answer a screaming NO answer at that on top of a few whole body tantrums. I've lost my cool a couple times so I have to get on this thread more and reread the posts to remember I'm it's typical toddler behavoir

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

Just a quick thought about changing the poop dipes - our son loves to do the yoga pose "downward dog" and he's very willing to do this as a part of post-poop clean ups. You get a great vantage point, the kid is entertained by the upside down world and clean up is no longer a passive experience on their backs.


Anyway, good luck - they are all monsters sometimes!

This is so cute...really cute

[chipper26]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

Just a quick thought about changing the poop dipes - our son loves to do the yoga pose "downward dog" and he's very willing to do this as a part of post-poop clean ups. You get a great vantage point, the kid is entertained by the upside down world and clean up is no longer a passive experience on their backs.

Anyway, good luck - they are all monsters sometimes!

Yes, my dd will bend over like that, too, so I can wipe her. I started using pull-ups so I could get them on more easily. Let fight and she can even do part of it herself. You do have to change them a bit more often, but if you are using disposables, these will work.

[RoViMama]

I found reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block to be very helpful. It is an interesting viewpoint on child development.

[f&p'smama]

Being silly and playful and distraction have gone a long way with my kids when they've been 2-ish.

[lisavark]

:

And the book Playful Parenting.

Also, I really try to honor DD's "no's" whenever possible. To me, our relationship is more important than getting her to comply with every request. For things like cleaning up toys, I will just do it myself if she doesn't want to. I'll invite her to help but not force her.

And anytime she's laughing is an opportunity to turn things into a game. For example, she's kicking while you try to change her diaper. You could make a game out of kicking and tell her to kick as hard and fast as she can. Then tell her to lie perfectly still. Then kick kick kick! Now lie really, really still! Now kick! Then have her lie as still as she possibly can, and then change the diaper. Might help...