children's message on easter at church-a little long

[mainemommy1]

We tried a new church-United Church of Christ Christian church in a small new England town-typical old white church in center of a small town.....for Easter Sunday. We are trying to find a new church home but I am feeling uneasy about the children's message on Easter Sunday. Without retelling the entire story: it was about a special needs child whose body didn't work well and he didn't understand the assignments in his class at school but the kids and teacher liked him. At the end of the story the child dies and the class goes the funeral. For all the 2,3,4,5 and even the older kids I didn't think special needs children dying was very appropriate. The adults in the pews were crying. I was hoping the story would go over my 4yo son's head but he asked questions about it at bedtime. It just makes me wonder if that's the sort of message they tell in church with the parents then what do they say in Sunday School?! We tried this same church 2 years ago when we first moved to town and the message was having the kids take an oath to never play sports on Sundays-um....all those kids were in church, not at sports AND the adults schedule practices and games-not the kids.
We'd really like to meet some people in town before Kindergarten. I had such a positive church experience as a kid and even taught Sunday School. We loved our church in the town where we used to live and where my son was baptized. There are not alot of choices for new church homes in the town we live in.

Do I say something to the church about the message on Sunday? Do I ask to see their christian ed curriculum? Am I way off here in thinking special needs kids dying is not age appropriate for all the little ones in attendance? I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but it does.......guess I just needed to unload so thanks if you made it this far.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I guess my first question would be -- how did they tie that to Easter? If the pastor was able to make a resurrection story of it, I might be OK with it, depending on how that was handled. "Everlasting life" is a difficult concept to get across to small children and this could have been a clumsy attempt at it. Not every pastor is good at reaching children. Easter sermons are particularly hard, I think, because you have so many different people there with different levels of church experience. So if this was an isolatated incident I might shrug it off. As an occasional visitor I probably woudn't say anything.

But yes, you should absolutely ask about the Sunday School curriculum and children's programs before you back and especially before you have your children go to Sunday School unaccompanied.

Given your earlier experience, this doesn't sound like a church I would be comfortable in. It does sound like their level of understanding of the reality of children's lives might be a bit skewed/unrealistic.

Church shopping is hard, especially when you have children in tow. I hope you can find something that suits you.

[mainemommy1]

the story itself was tied to Easter but VERY abstract:

school assignment to bring in signs of new life in the plastic easter eggs. Kids brought in butterflies, flowers, seeds etc and the sick child (who she even named) had nothing in his egg-teacher assumed he didn't understand the assignment like usual and moved on to the next egg. The boy then explained his egg was empty like the tomb was empty so it symbolizes new life. The boy then goes on to die 3 weeks later and the class shows up the funeral with empty easter eggs to lay on his casket. So yes it was tied to Easter....I agree

We are already members of a COngregational church and could just transfer our membership but maybe we need to tryout some different churches such as MEthodist or something.....I don't know but it's very frustrating! Maybe I am just too picky. Thanks for your words though....I appreciate the response greatly!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I don't think that death is automatically inapproporiate for children. And it is, be definition, a prelude to Easter. By 3 or 4 both of my children were attending/ participating in the Good Friday services at our church. In this case it actually sounds like a pretty good lesson and I would have been comfortable with it. But then, I like my children to be challenged at church and I really love it when they ask questions after the service.

Still, *you* need to be comfortable with your church and especially you need to be comfortable with a church for your family. It never hurts to look around and see what other options there are -- even within the same denominations, churches differ. That's especially true with congregational churches where the personality of the pastor can be really key. And a church that suited you as a younger person might not be as great once you have children to consider as well.

[LynnS6]

It sounds like the story was not age appropriate and too abstract. Good children's sermons are about 3-5 minutes long with one point.

Some pastors aren't very good at children's sermons. I'm also surprised by the "oath" not to play sports on Sundays as the UCC churches I know are pretty flexible.

If you're still interested in this church, definitely ask to see the Sunday School curriculum. Our church (liberal Lutheran (ELCA)) would happily show it to you and direct you to the website of the publishers for more information.

[One_Girl]

I just started going to church and before I started e-mailed the Youth Services instructor and asked about the content. We are going primarily for community rather than for religious reasons so I took my time choosing a church that would be mild in nature and I really focused on asking questions to make sure we settled in the right place. She gave me reassuring answers and invited me to sit in on the classes a few times. My dd only wanted me there once, but she has been happy there and hasn't spoken of the violence and fear that I was taught about as a child. They seem to be learning nice messages about life and community while having a good time. I recommend talking to the youth ministers at your church and observing a few times.