sibling respect when having playdates/sleepovers

[Music-mommy]

I am finding it a difficult balance when we have playdates or sleepovers with my older dd who is 8, and my younger dd who is 4. Usually my older daughter is nice to her sister, but when friends come over she can often be disrespectful to her sister.

I understand that at times she needs time alone with her friend and shouldn't be required to be "nice" and play with her little sister all the time, but today she is being utterly rude and giving rolling eyes to her sis every time she approaches.

I have taken her aside and told her that it is her job to be kind to her sister and show her friends that she loves and respects her sister, so that they will do the same but she seems to think this is unfair.

Help?!

[spirit4ever]

Yeah its hard, I don't think I have any good advice, I'm not really there yet...

But I do think that the older sister should still be respectful of the younger one..

Hopefully you'll get some better replies, I'll be reading them myself!!!

[sunnmama]

What helps my 9 yo dd and 3 yo ds is to have defined times to "include your brother" and have "time alone with your friend". Usually when a friend comes over, I ask them to play with ds for the first 20-30 minutes because he is SO excited that the friend is over. After the agreed upon time, I get ds and do something fun just with him. He isn't always ready to leave their play, but I insist it is their time alone (unless they want him to stay, which they sometimes do). I can distract him easily enough once he's out of the room.

When it comes to general respect, I always insist on them being respectful and am straightforward about it if they are not. If she were being nasty/rolling her eyes at ds just for walking by, I'd explain my expectation and be prepared to end the playdate if the behavior continued. I wouldn't tolerate that at all. If they need protected time alone, I am willing to provide it (as explained above), but I will not allow them to choose to be in the same space as ds and be nasty to him.

[marieangela]

I am interested in hearing some replies. I have a 7 year old and a 4 1/2 year old and friend issues. My younger son plays at the playground with my older son and his friends every day after school. Only once have I taken my older son to one of his friends houses for a playdate and it was a fiasco. My younger son always wants to be a part of what the older one is doing. My older son used to make up games with his friends where his little brother was the bad guy or the one that they chased and I've had many conversations with them about being brothers and standing up for each other.