Missed Work. Again.

[shepav]

Hi Mamas -

I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe some advice. Maybe some commiseration. Or I just need to vent.

I work part time (24 hrs./week) in a pretty flexible job. I found it pretty easy to manage when I just had my dd. Now that I have ds (10 months old) and my three year old, I feel like I can't get anything done well.

This past winter has killed me as far as time I've had to take off due to sick kiddos. In the past three weeks I've had to take off 4 1/2 days due to my daughter getting sick and then my son. We don't have any family to rely on as "back up", plus I do want to be home when my children are not feeling well. It's just when I'm at work I'm thinking about how I should be home, and when I'm home (especially on sick days), I think about all I'll need to catch up with work.

I just feel done with the stress of being torn all of the time. I have paid a ridiculous amount of daycare that wasn't used because of my kids being sick. The round robin at daycare drives me crazy, even though I love my daycare worker to death I am just tired of my kids being sick.

Sorry to sound so frustrated. This week is spring break and I'm trying to figure out how I'll be able to make up all of the home visits I cancelled over the past couple of weeks with my daycare worker on vacation. Dh has helped a little, but he doesn't get sick days either, and is keeping his vacation on some home repairs that we're planning in a couple of months.

Anyone else been through this? How did you handle it without going crazy, or failing at both work and family?

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I am SOOOO THERE with you. I just got reprimanded the other day for taking to much time off of work for sick kids. Some of the things that were said to me in that "meeting" were very "questionable" HR wise. I could put "someones" @$$ through the ringer if I could prove what was said to me, but I digress.

One of the things said to me was maybe I need to find a daycare where the boys wont get sick as much. When HER kids started kindergarden, they got sick for 3 months straight, and then their immunes systems were built up and they were FINE. . Um yea, its not 1975, or even 1985, and my kids have been in daycare since practically BIRTH. BABIES GET SICK AT DAYCARE!!! Doesnt matter what daycare it is. And my daycare is just PERFECT, TYVM. I am sure yours is too. Its just the way it is.

My husband also works a job that isnt left nearly as easily as mine. AND, I have the car with the carseats in it. DUH!!!!

I was also told that I am a full time mom at heart, but that is NOT reality, and that family is very important, but this is my JOB. It needs to take priority. UM SORRY, but NO! If I have to LOOSE this job because my kids need me, so be it. My family life WILL NOT SUFFER because my job was more important. NOPE, no way no how. My kids are first, PERIOD!

Can you tell this is a touchy subject for me? I just wanted to share with you my situation a little, and that I KIND OF suffer with the same balance. But at the end of the day, my kids KNOW they come first. I dont care if it means my full-time, well paying, good beneifits job. And THAT is how I keep from going crazy.

BTW, the sickness eases up in the spring/summer time.

[JollyGG]

No advice, just commiseration. My daughter has spent six months with a mysterious cyclic vomiting thing going on and spends 1/2 the day vomiting on average every 2 weeks. We have some appointments with specialists and are trying to figure it out. But even with my husband sharing the responsibilities for taking sick time I'm using alot of it up. Luckily I had alot of sick time built up but I am watching it dwindle away.

I was sick myself on yesterday and really didn't want to take any time for me since I take so much for her issues.

[Caneel]

I have been through it on both sides, as the parent and as the employer. It is tough. We have one employee whose little guy is sick all the time and it is hard on both sides.

Hang in there, the sickies should be over soon, I hope.

Also, is there something going on at your daycare provider?

Sure, little kids are germy and one can expect a certain level of swapping sickness but do you feel your daycare provider might not be doing all she/he could to prevent the spread of illness?

I ask because a former co-worker of mine used to say how her kids were always sick, it was a constant cycle amongst group of kids at the in-home center. When an on-site openning came up where she worked, she moved the kids and just like that, no more constant sickness. She said other parents noticed the same thing.

[Peepsqueak]

Depending on where you are and your job situation, they cannot do anything but try to intimidate you for taking off for sick kids. Too bad if it is too inconvenient for them.

If they try to fire you I would hire a lawyer and then they would have to pay you not to work. kwim?

[Phoenix~Mama]

I feel you! I end up taking a lot of days. I'm fortunate that my company allows us to purchase an extra week of vacation for the year. I do it because I know how fast I blow through my PTO between my being sick and my DD being sick, or my babysitters kids being sick.

I've come to grips that I don't get actual vacation days.

I'm lucky that my boss has kids and he understands, but he did have to mention my attendance, but he didn't write it up or anything. He just said as my manager he had to say something but he knows how crappy of a year I've been having and totally understands and knows all my call-outs were legit.

I think there should be a little bit more leeway for parents with small kids. But I also felt there should be more leeway in general for people with chronic illnesses too.

I still make my deadlines, and even offer to work from home as I have a company latptop.. but HR doesn't like people to work from home because they aren't set up to track that you are really logging hours. I think you should be able to tell if I'm actually getting work done... but whatever.

So yeah, sorry no advice... just total empathy and commiseration.

[shepav]

My employer is very understanding - she was a sahm for many years, so she gets that kiddos are a priority. It's mostly the stress I put on myself - meaning, having to cancel appts just to reschedule them again, hoping that my deadlines aren't late. Trying to find backup childcare when I am running up against the wire. Paying for more daycare days to make up for what I've missed. Feeling guilty for feeling irritated that my kids are sick again, and having to miss work, when their health should be my priority.

I just wonder if the stress and pay reduction on those difficult months is worth it sometimes. And yes, I am very glad that nicer weather, and hopefully, healthier kiddos are on the way.

Thanks for understanding, Mamas. I knew I could count on you!