Candy Battles

[AniellasMommy]

I'm sure this issue has been brought up here MANY times before, but I am at a loss.
My five year old is a candy/sweet/treat fiend. If it's in front of her, she will eat it!!
I don't agree with the "Hurry and eat all that halloween/easter/whatever candy because I'm gonna throw it all away at the end of the day." (yes people REALLY do this) I think this just shows them that if they don't eat every treat in front of them...they will miss out....it will be gone forever. Because when they are adults there will ALWAYS be treats available.
I was raised in a home of "No you can't have food until lunch,dinner, whatever meal even if you are hungry, but candy is fair game." I, myself have no control when it comes to sweets. My husband was raised in a candy candy candy all day every day "because kids who are deprived of sweets will eat any candy in front of them and that's not good" Yeah, well he at an entire bag of Resses yesterday....in like 10 min!! So, Obviously this is why we struggle with this...
I wouldn't mind so much except she doesn't eat very much at meals or snacks. So if I let her eat it whenever she wants, she eats more candy than real food!! I've tried very gently saying. "Don't you think you have had enough today, we should save the rest for later." She just says "Nope, I don't" So today she ate candy all morning and WOULD NOT eat lunch....so I freaked out and took her candy
I know I'm just making things worse but I'm so lost on this.
My first instinct is to just let her be and guide her to her own personal balance with it. But HOW?!?!

[Alyantavid]

What we do is we have a candy bucket. Any candy coming in goes in the bucket. It's inside a cupboard so out of sight, but always there and accessible. I almost always let my kids have a candy when they ask, but if they've had 1 or 2 already that day, I have no problem saying "Nope, sorry, I think you've had enough candy today." They certainly don't ask everyday, we still have candy from Halloween in there.

[maddymama]

Here's my two cents:
Candy/sugar is addictive. While it's in her bloodstream, and yours, you want more bc of the highs and lows the sugar causes. I think letting your 5 year old determine how much of a bad substance she can have while she's craving it isn't smart. She'll always go for more and more.
Personally I limit the amount of sweets my DD1 can have, which then helps her not crave it. She gets a few pieces Easter morning, one or two a day for a few days, then just one, then none. After that she doesn't really want it, or any other sweet. But, once she's had a ton of sugar at a party or holiday, then she wants a ton of it again. so we taper off again.
~maddymama

[Dukey25]

I think a lot depends on the personality of the child. My oldest can self regulate his candy consumption my DD cannot. She would only eat junk if given the chance. My solution is I don't let her have it unless she has eaten well and had balanced meals. I don't tell her to eat all her supper or she can't have dessert because I don't want to create an overeater or someone who sees food as a reward but I only bring out the treats on occasion. Times like now when she has her own personal stash from the easter bunny I am more lax but overall I control the junk that comes into the house and when it gets eaten.
Now my son while he may be great at regulating his candy consumption can't regulate his TV consumption while my DD has no problem and will not turn into a tv zombie if given full access so I guess we all just have our weaknesses but until she can understand the long term consequences of an unhealthy diet mommy controls the cupboard.

[SeekingJoy]

Originally Posted by Dukey25

I think a lot depends on the personality of the child. My oldest can self regulate his candy consumption my DD cannot. She would only eat junk if given the chance. My solution is I don't let her have it unless she has eaten well and had balanced meals. I don't tell her to eat all her supper or she can't have dessert because I don't want to create an overeater or someone who sees food as a reward but I only bring out the treats on occasion. Times like now when she has her own personal stash from the easter bunny I am more lax but overall I control the junk that comes into the house and when it gets eaten.
Now my son while he may be great at regulating his candy consumption can't regulate his TV consumption while my DD has no problem and will not turn into a tv zombie if given full access so I guess we all just have our weaknesses but until she can understand the long term consequences of an unhealthy diet mommy controls the cupboard.

I really curtail the candy and junk that everyone in our family has access to. A few pieces showed up in their Easter baskets. Cupcakes for birthdays. Trick or treating just on our street. Why would I buy large quantities of stuff we shouldn't be consuming or have to struggle to self-regulate with? I stockpile groceries and keep a stocked pantry, but I don't stockpile treats -- just the healthy things we want to make up the majority of our diet.

There was a research study ages ago about self-regulation and delayed gratification (aka the "marshmallow study"). The kids who could delay gratification did so by distracting themselves. These same kids ended up more successful later in life.

I guess that as an adult an important distraction method to teach kids is that treats should not always be available and right in front of you. It is easier to distract yourself from something that is theoretically available than something that sits on the counter in a clear glass dish.

That said, I have let both of mine gorge on their candy (last Halloween specifically). One even vomited, despite our discussion about what treats do to our body. Ever since, when given candy, they space out their consumption.

[DevaMajka]

Ds1 (5yo) can not self regulate the sweets. I tried for years, and just recently gave up on that idea.
What I'm doing now, that is working well, is I've made his "junk sugar" limit 15g per day. I read that our sugar limit (for all sugars- in fruit, etc) should be 30g, so I went with 15g to see how it would work. He gets one "free" bowl of cereal a day, and fruit is unlimited. I also don't count sugars in stuff like ketchup.

He asks for candy WAY less now. I'm trying to give him some control in it, so I don't limit what or when he eats the sweets- just how much.

I let him go over his limit a couple times in the last week, and the other day he was begging for more sweets. He was so upset, he almost cried because I wouldn't let him have more. It's addictive- the more you have, the more you want. 15g per day seems to be a sweet spot for him (pardon the pun )

[jeanine123]

My youngest is a sweets fiend too. Candy, cookies, ice cream, whatever. When I feel it's getting too out of control I tell him he can't have ____ until he eats some strawberries, carrots, corn, cheese, raspberries or crackers. Sometimes he'll happily eat the alternative, other times he'll decide he's not that hungry and others he'll grumble and groan. When he grumbles and refuses or decides he's not that hungry I let it drop. Until he comes around later asking for said sweet again. Then I tell him that he still needs to eat healthy alternative first and then he can have the sweet. It works pretty well most days.

[meemee]

at that age teh only thing that worked was no candy in the house. we could only get candy if we were going out.

if we have had the candy too long like over a week which i call too long i tell her its no longer good to eat.

but its a phase. now at 7 i have candy AND icecream in the house and dd rarely asks for them.

however i did not take candy away completely. when she asked me for it i gave it to her. if she asked me more than once i would still give it to her after explaining why she shouldnt be having that candy, but its her body and she should decide. pretty soon she would start saying ok then i wont eat it.

now she parents me. mommy you just had soda. that's liquid candy. so you cant eat dessert. its bad for you. in fact these days she first checks what she has eaten before going for the piece of candy. and if she has already had her sugar she wont eat the candy/icecream even though she wants it bad.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by AniellasMommy

Because when they are adults there will ALWAYS be treats available.

My first instinct is to just let her be and guide her to her own personal balance with it. But HOW?!?!

I don't understand the first statement. Why would having adults around always mean there were unhealthy treats in the house?

The second statement is exactly what we do. We let our DD completely self regulate. We control how much candy, usually high quality chocolate only, comes into our house. So ALL the Easter candy was gone by Sunday night because we ate it and it wasn't much candy. Also we only buy candy or the makings for a sweet desert once a month. We would never say "you can have candy if you eat this healthier food" because we don't want our DD to eat more than her body needs for any reason.

[sanguine_speed]

Like others, we simply limit what we have available, and place very little control over what is in the house. The only times we would restrict sweets might be if we have chocolate chips in the baking cupboard and the chocolate chips are for a recipe or something.
Easter candy is still hanging around, just sitting out on the counter for them to have as much as they want. Yes, they overindulge IMO, and eat less 'healthier' food during these times of 'candy feast', but it will soon be gone and we don't have to have daily battles about how many pieces of what who can have.
Otherwise, we almost never have boxes of cookies or candy hanging around. The kids are free to spend their own allowance on candy if they wish, and they often do.

[jeanine123]

Originally Posted by ssh

I don't understand the first statement. Why would having adults around always mean there were unhealthy treats in the house?

I think what she meant is that when the child turns into an adult there will always be easy access to candy and sweets. He/she won't have to rely on mom or dad to have sweets in the house, he/she can just go out and buy it themselves.

[WC_hapamama]

I give sweets to my kids in what I consider a reasonable portion and tell them that it's all they're getting for whatever time frame. Works out pretty well in our house.

[Cascadian]

With my 4 YO it got to the point that I had to have NONE in the house. NONE. Once she went through withdrawl successfully, we let her buy stuff once in a while, outside of the house. She lost the taste and craving for it, but it was an addiction and she needed to be 'weaned off' of white sugar. That's the only thing that worked for us.

[karika]

we only have natural, organic candies available. no HFCS or colorings or GMO ingredients (hershey's and all other major brands have genetically modified ingredients now), only stuff from companies that care about health. We keep natural lollipops, natural root beer sucking candies, and chocolate from Enjoy Life brand, free of dairy and soy and other allergens. I make muffins and cookies every other day, using only wholesome, organic gluten free ingredients (no processed sugars either). I was a candy, soda, sugar fiend most of my life also. I have also struggled with this. My feelings at present are that if we do it, our children will too. So we just don;t have any of it around. Here is an online candy store that offers only natural treats and many are vegan and gluten free. Maybe this would be a stepping stone for many to stop eating the dangerous GMO, food coloring stuff... http://www.naturalcandystore.com/

[St. Margaret]

We love naturalcandystore! That's where I got most of our stuff for Easter (the grain-sweetened earth balls from the HFS were a big hit, too).

DD has never had conventional candy, just dark chocolate, and samples at the really good chocolate store when we're buying presents for others there. We talk about how candy is fun and it's okay to have some, but first you want to fill your tummy with good food, and how too many sweets will give you a tummy ache, and what other foods help you grow up big and strong. We don't do "CANDY = BAD" but we do make sure to only have good stuff around. And we've just never had candy just around, even before kids... it would be for special occasions, like holidays and birthdays only. If you want a snack, you at least eat a ww cookie We always have options for DD when we know someone might whip out candy we don't do in our family (ie I carried natural candy canes when we met Santa and that sort of thing, and she traded the junky candy for it). I think good candy with no HFCS helps b/c it really is more satisfying and rich and doens't spike your blood sugar in quite the same way. DD was very good about having one or two treats (little choc. eggs or whatnot) after each meal on Easter afternoon and the next day, and we just didn't have that much stuff. We will give her strong suggestions that she's had enough, and find other good things for desserts, too, like fresh sweet fruit and stuff, because sometimes you just really want something sweet!

[JL83]

I don't think that candy is evil or bad or even that unhealthy.

I think it's perfectly fine to have it in moderation.

We limit the amount that comes into the house, and then let her go crazy. What happens every holiday is that she eats nothing but junk for a couple days, and then she starts to forget about it.

If I make it into a power struggle by disapproving or trying to limit it at all, she obsesses about it.

I like the way it works. She's now done with her Easter candy. There's some left in her basket, but she's not really eating it anymore.

[kriket]

Subbing

I totally have the same problem. My kid is too small to want candy, but it's like an addiction for me.

I just can't have it in the house. Like zero none nada. For me, having "just a little" or "on special occasions" is like a drug addict only doing meth on holidays. It just doesn't work that way.

For holidays (like Easter/halloween) I think my rule will be no candy comes home. Don't want to ruin the 'fun' but it's something I can't have in my house.

[GuildJenn]

5 is an interesting age. According to the book Mindless Eating, which I really enjoyed, somewhere between 3-5 and usually closer to 5, kids begin eating for reasons other than hunger.

Up until then most kids won't really overeat just based on social cues, like whether other people at the table are still eating, the size of the bowl, etc. But around 5 I guess it becomes mind/social training over body.

What I'm observing in my son is that as he gets closer to 5 he is getting more obsessed with whatever is perceived as "cool/fun/treat" and slightly less into his own body cues which used to lead him reasonably well. I just bring this up because you said your daughter is 5.

How we've approached it is twofold.

For candy, the bucket method a PP mentioned, pretty much. We have dumped all the candy from Hallowe'en, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and now Easter into the bucket. (We still have candy left from ALL of those, and I am starting to eye the food donation bin at the store.) We don't bring it up. If my son brings it up, we mostly say yes - to the first 1 or 2 candies. After that we say "hmmm, enough candy today." It's amazing what a difference having it out of sight makes.

If a huge power struggle emerges, then we use the delay method. Following Ellyn Satter's method we will serve dessert WITH dinner if that keeps the piece, so the discuss goes like this: "Please PLEASE PLEASE can I have more candy (or else I will DIE)." "Not now, but you can have one last piece with dinner as your dessert."

Secondly, we've really amped up the 'hype' around healthy foods. We get CSA delivery once a month (winter shares) and soon weekly (summer shares) and we treat it like Santa Claus dropped it off each time. "Oh WOW PARSNIPS FROM THE FARM." (Actually...it is like Santa dropped it off for me too.)

We've started cutting things into visually appealing shapes like heart-shaped (I use a sharp cookie cutter) cucumber slices, the good old "ants on a log" etc. Not all the time, but sometimes. I don't see why the candy should be the only 'fun' food.

It's going okay, but it definitely is more of a struggle than it has been in the past. I find it so interesting. And annoying.

[becoming]

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

What we do is we have a candy bucket. Any candy coming in goes in the bucket. It's inside a cupboard so out of sight, but always there and accessible. I almost always let my kids have a candy when they ask, but if they've had 1 or 2 already that day, I have no problem saying "Nope, sorry, I think you've had enough candy today." They certainly don't ask everyday, we still have candy from Halloween in there.

This is what we do. I also pull out a treat every now & then at random so that they don't feel like they're always having to beg for it.

As far as candy-crazed holidays go, we usually have a dessert every evening after dinner anyway, so I just give them a piece or two of their holiday candy for dessert until it's all gone.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

Secondly, we've really amped up the 'hype' around healthy foods. We get CSA delivery once a month (winter shares) and soon weekly (summer shares) and we treat it like Santa Claus dropped it off each time. "Oh WOW PARSNIPS FROM THE FARM." (Actually...it is like Santa dropped it off for me too.)

I love this! I always feel like a nerd when I come in yelling "It's the first tomato of the season! Quick someone get me a knife while it's still warm!" I think I will play it up a little more