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Really?

post #1 of 22
4/6/10 at 9:47pm
Thread Starter 
Not quite sure how to make lemonade out of this one. DH just informed me that he will be leaving June 6th for 12 days of mandatory training. There is nothing he can do to get out of it and still keep his job. I'm completely upset, though trying not to be. I'm due June 1. I don't do well with pressure and timelines.

Last year i was due april 28th and he was set to ship out May 17th, the stress of feeling like a clock was ticking that i had no control over, really was sucky. And here we go again, but this time it's even less.

I won't induce and i wont try more natural ways of induction. So please don't suggest those options out of kindness. I am just trying to vent and not fall into a weeping mess. This just adds to the stress of currently trying to find a rental home in the next 8 weeks. And i know dh has no control over it, and he feels terribly. We had been planning on him taking off the 2 weeks after i give birth, for bonding and whatnot. And now that's shot too. So i know he's as upset as i am.

Geez this sucks big time.

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post #2 of 22
4/6/10 at 10:02pm
Oh wow. That totally sucks.

I'm so sorry Mama! Wish I could even come up with a lemonaide recipe for you ...
post #3 of 22
4/6/10 at 10:33pm
Ugh. I'm so sorry. As a Navy wife, I feel your pain. At least he will be back before the month is out. Will he be able to take time off after the training? Do you have enough family & friends' support for the time he's gone?
post #4 of 22
4/6/10 at 11:20pm
Oh, that just sucks.
post #5 of 22
4/6/10 at 11:20pm

I couldn't read your post without sending a hug your way.
post #6 of 22
4/6/10 at 11:53pm
Oh mama I'm so sorry I agree with Bananabee, do you have friends and family support? Could you hire a postpartum doula? You might be able to find one in training who would work for free or low cost, especially in your situation!
post #7 of 22
4/6/10 at 11:56pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post
Ugh. I'm so sorry. As a Navy wife, I feel your pain. At least he will be back before the month is out. Will he be able to take time off after the training? Do you have enough family & friends' support for the time he's gone?
We just did a 7 month stint, which was doable with my girls until i got pregnant. Then it just sucked big time because i was so sick, so i think that's why i'm partially ticked. There was no mention of this and it's totally last minute. We thought we were good for no more long traveling/trianing (he has been gone 1/4 of the time since he's been home, away doing more training. His boss wanted to get it done before i was due) until his scheduled deployment in '12. I'm a newbie military wife, so it's not something we are at all use to.

He should be able to take time off, but i'm doubtful. He has an active duty injury and his surgery is scheduled for July. . . so getting time off at the end of June and then again in July is not something that i'm holding my breath for. And him bonding with a baby after major leg surgery doesn't sound too great for him lol.

Sadly we don't have much support. My mom is here, but not able to help due to medical issues. She's the only family we have locally. I have one good friend here, but she's got her hands full (though i know she'll help as much as possible). I've already asked her to be on the look out for me with PPD just in case. But her dh is the same unit as my dh so I think drill weekend falls the same time as when dh's going for training. We shall see.

I may have to call in my sister from another state if my parents can help with the cost. I don't see how this is going to be good. I know i can do it, but i really don't see how it's going to be healthy or sane for us!

I'll be ok with this in the next few days, i'll work through it emotionally and then settle down and suck it up. But it just really sucks for today. Our last year has been pretty rough and I know im being a big baby about this, but it does help to get it off my chest.
post #8 of 22
4/6/10 at 11:58pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *mama moose* View Post
Oh mama I'm so sorry I agree with Bananabee, do you have friends and family support? Could you hire a postpartum doula? You might be able to find one in training who would work for free or low cost, especially in your situation!
I didn't think about that option, as we are broke. Where would i look for a post partum doula who is training and can offer a lower cost? We are already paying for our midwife out of pocket and it's a huge added cost that we are barely able to cover. . . but i'm 99% sure i'm going to need some help post partum since my fam isn't able to help much.
post #9 of 22
4/7/10 at 12:14am
Well, there's this program called Operation Special Delivery that provides free labor doulas for moms who's DHs are deployed....you wouldn't qualify for that because it doesn't cover DHs gone for trainings, but it says you can email them about a low cost doula in your area if you don't meet the criteria exactly and they will still try to help. I'd be willing to bet they could find you a PP Doula as well, they are super nice ladies that run that group, and I know they will often go above and beyond to provide a mom with a doula. You can email them at osd@cappa.net

If you want to tell me where you live (general area) I can post on my Birth Arts list, I'm not sure how many PP doulas are on the list but it's a national list of students studying with Birth Arts so I might get some leads at least?

You could also post a request along with your situation under Finding Your Tribe on here in your local area, you might be surprised, even if there's not a doula on there (and there might be! My friend found a free doula in training that way!) a local mama might also be willing to come help out, I will never stop being amazed at the kindness of the mamas on MDC
post #10 of 22
4/7/10 at 12:18am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *mama moose* View Post
Well, there's this program called Operation Special Delivery that provides free labor doulas for moms who's DHs are deployed....you wouldn't qualify for that because it doesn't cover DHs gone for trainings, but it says you can email them about a low cost doula in your area if you don't meet the criteria exactly and they will still try to help. I'd be willing to bet they could find you a PP Doula as well, they are super nice ladies that run that group, and I know they will often go above and beyond to provide a mom with a doula. You can email them at osd@cappa.net

If you want to tell me where you live (general area) I can post on my Birth Arts list, I'm not sure how many PP doulas are on the list but it's a national list of students studying with Birth Arts so I might get some leads at least?

You could also post a request along with your situation under Finding Your Tribe on here in your local area, you might be surprised, even if there's not a doula on there (and there might be! My friend found a free doula in training that way!) a local mama might also be willing to come help out, I will never stop being amazed at the kindness of the mamas on MDC
Wow! Awesome ideas! I feel better already lol. I am action oriented, so feeling powerless crushes me, just having an action plan helps me feel better.

I will email that group, i'd never heard of it before! Definitely something to keep in my archives as once i finish certification i'd love to donate to them as well!

I am in the Sacramento Area, i'll pm you with specifics. Thank you so much. You really are helping me feel better, by at least forming a plan of action.
post #11 of 22
4/7/10 at 1:24am
Dang, I live pretty close to you, if I wasn't due on the 1st as well I'd come help you myself mama!! I got your PM, I'm trying to get DD2 to go to sleep in my lap so I'll get on it tomorrow morning, but we'll figure it out somehow!
post #12 of 22
4/7/10 at 11:09am
Oh no!

Also, I met a TON of people through La Leche League. You're probably a pro at the bf'ing, but for me, meeting other moms with kids the same age was crucial.
post #13 of 22
4/7/10 at 12:24pm
Hi Mama,

What a tough situation. I'm so happy that some of the other mamas have come up with such great suggestions to help you out while your man is away. Wishing you and your little ones all the best!
post #14 of 22
4/7/10 at 3:20pm
It will work out mama! Sounds like you have some good ideas!
post #15 of 22
4/7/10 at 3:24pm
Crashing because I couldn't help but respond...

DH missed the birth of our son because he was at Air Force Tech School. It sucked. He got to come home the next day and spend the weekend...but yeah. I'm sorry. I just wanted to give you a virtual
post #16 of 22
4/11/10 at 11:38am
I wanted to let you know I emailed my list and no one has replied yet I hope you get some luck with the other things I mentioned....

If we happen to have our babies far enough apart (like if you go early and I go late or vice versa) I could come up and at least keep you company once or twice in those 12 days! I know that's a bold suggestion, and I know I wouldn't be up to actually BEING a doula, but I only live, what, an hour and a half away from there? And I know a friend is always nice to have around too
post #17 of 22
4/11/10 at 3:46pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *mama moose* View Post
I wanted to let you know I emailed my list and no one has replied yet I hope you get some luck with the other things I mentioned....

If we happen to have our babies far enough apart (like if you go early and I go late or vice versa) I could come up and at least keep you company once or twice in those 12 days! I know that's a bold suggestion, and I know I wouldn't be up to actually BEING a doula, but I only live, what, an hour and a half away from there? And I know a friend is always nice to have around too
You are so incredibly sweet! I really appreciate it. Yesterday was a really emotional day for me and dh and i talked most the night. He has a call into his boss this morning and will be discussing the fact that he needs to be home if at all possible with him tomorrow. His boss left him a message that he didnt realize i was due then and will look into other classes, so i'm REALLY hopeful this works out. I will update as soon as i find out. I haven't heard anything back either, so maybe this is a sign that dh's boss is going to be able to work around this!
post #18 of 22
4/11/10 at 3:53pm
That sounds really promising! I hope they can figure something out.
post #19 of 22
4/11/10 at 3:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aka mommy View Post
You are so incredibly sweet! I really appreciate it. Yesterday was a really emotional day for me and dh and i talked most the night. He has a call into his boss this morning and will be discussing the fact that he needs to be home if at all possible with him tomorrow. His boss left him a message that he didnt realize i was due then and will look into other classes, so i'm REALLY hopeful this works out. I will update as soon as i find out. I haven't heard anything back either, so maybe this is a sign that dh's boss is going to be able to work around this!
Oh!! I REALLY hope that will work out!! That makes sense they didn't know you were due right then.
post #20 of 22
4/12/10 at 6:20pm
Thread Starter 
UPDATE***

DH will NOT be going that week. SUCH a huge relief for me, i feel as if i can breath now! He is scheduled to go in August and his surgery is set for July. So i'll have a few weeks of recovery before he'll be on crutches at least! I am sooooo glad as i was really dreading birth.

Thanks so much ladies for the support and course of action tips!

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