They say it'll get better...

[TSomm]

<begin rant>

So I'm having a hard time with my 8 week old babe. Friends just smile and tell me "it'll get better". When? I'm already at the end of my rope. I just spent the past 3 hours trying to get her to sleep.

My DD just wants to cry all.the.time! It takes every ounce of energy to keep her something like content. Yes, I have a carrier. She'll be in the Moby for a bit but if I sit down she fusses. She hates having the wrap cover her head so it prohibits what I can do because I'm always protecting her head/neck. We also have a swing and she'll sit content in that for a bit, but won't sleep. Thank god we watched Happiest Baby on the Block DVD else I'd be certifiably insane.

She's breastfed and I've cut dairy out for the past 2 weeks. It's helped a bit, but not enough. Maybe I need to go further with other foods.

I get around a hour's worth of quiet alertness each day where I do my best to interact with her. But lately when she's quiet, I just plop down wherever I can and count my blessings I can sit down.

She generally doesn't like the car. Strollers are a hit and miss.

No, I don't have people to help and come by. DH works all the time.

I get angry every time my friends update their Facebook status about how lucky they are that they have such sweet and happy babies.

I've sworn off any and all siblings. Again, most people just laugh and say I'll forget all about this and want another. Seriously?

So, what am I missing? How can I have a happy baby? I simply cannot take this much longer.

Any help would be soooo appreciated!

<rant off>

[mommy212]

Sorry you having it so hard! Maybe your baby has colic/reflux or something? I know my baby was fussy, but to manage it he ate literally half the day (45 minute minute feeds every 90 minutes from start to start). I was amazingly sore from this. Anyways have you tried long outside walks with her? my baby loves that when nothing else will calm him down- usually he's in a mei tai or wrap or something, a stroller won't do it. As soon as she can hold her head up the carriers get easier to manage and more enjoyable to wear. Does she like baths? i know some friends who take 2 or 3 baths with their babes to calm them down.

[MamieCole]

to you mama. I could have written your post word for word when DS1 was a baby. We joke (sorta) about how he was pissed off to have been evicted from the womb and held a grudge until he finally realized he was stuck here on the outside with all us morons who couldn't seem to meet his needs.

It sounds like you might have a high needs baby. There is a HNB tribe thread that you might want to check out.

I don't know when it will get better, but it WILL get better.

And all those people posting about their perfect little angels are probably exaggerating.

We now have a DS2, so trust me, you do forget how hard these days are and in the end it is worth it a million times over. Hang in there.

[sanguine_speed]

I've had two high-needs babies, and yes it definitely doesn't seem fair when your baby is screaming all day all the time and others can go to the mall for a coffee while their baby sits in a stroller and looks around. It's really hard and sometimes other people don't get it.
I did have one average-needs baby in between, and WOW what a difference temperament makes! One high-needs baby doesn't mean all babies will be that way. As my screaming two-year-old just fell asleep after 1 1/2 hours of full-on screaming tantrum, I pray this baby due any day will be much more average .

[Norasmomma]

If she gives you an hour of quiet alert time TAKE IT!!! Don't feel guilty about putting her down, maybe she doesn't want/need interaction then. Let her be, have a cup of coffee or read quietly, whatever it is you need to do, do it.

I have to say if my SIL can have ANY children(she had 4 more) after her 2nd DD who cried for nearly 6 months straight then it is possible to forget.

And remember just because someone has an "easy" baby it doesn't mean they will always be. My DD was a pretty easy baby and OMG 2 was rough for us, she was a trainwreck of a toddler, amazingly we did have another.

Now our son is interesting, he was a very easy newborn-he just slept but from 4-6 months(now) he only wanted to be held no carrier, no Moby, only mommy or daddy's arm would do-if he was out of our arms screaming ensued, ugh it was hard. He now is getting over that thankfully, mobility is a good thing for him.

I agree with the others maybe there is a problem like reflux.

[MsVyky]

I made this exact thread 2 weeks ago, except my babe is 5 months.

Have you considered taking her to chiro? We went and had her adjusted and she has been sleeping for 3-4 hours at a time since then.

[prothyraia]

:

My first child was like that. I think he really just didn't like being a baby. He's much happier and easier to live with now that he's a toddler, and his baby brother is and has been the most mellow, sweet, laid-back little boy.

I wish I had better advice for you. Just hang in there!

[candelaria80]

Sounds like my DD at this age. She had to be bounced constantly we couldn't sit down at all, we were always on the move! It can be so isolating and for a while I felt like I was the only one with a baby like this. It seemed everyone would be talking about how their babe was already sleeping through the night and loved the car, we were the exact opposite. A few things helped us:

GERD - she was diagnosed with GERD, we were prescribed Zantac, but I decided to cut out dairy and soy and luckily that seemed to help a lot. It takes a while to see results though. She had slient GERD, which means rather than spitting up and it coming out, she would swallow it. If she does have this there are a lot of things you can do, position wise to help.

yoga ball - I would put her in a carrier and bounce on the ball (at least I was sitting)

carriers - I have them all, seriously and I know it is un-popular, but when she was that little the Bjorn was the only one she really liked? I think it is so confined and cozy that she felt supported.

Amby Baby - We found one at a resale store and grabbed it and to my surprise she tolerated it and even fell asleep in it. Of course I had to keep is bouncing, but I could take a rest for a while.

I hope it gets better for both of you. In my case it did. I guess she would still be considered a little high needs, but her temperment is so good now. She still always has to be on the move, doesn't love the stroller or car and can't stand swings, but she is able to do more and that makes her happy. It is funny though, just today I was talking about my next baby and my friend laughed because just a couple months ago I swore she would be an only child.

[Path2Felicity]

Mama hang in there!!!

My DD is 5 months and I had such severe post partum depression for awhile that I just regretted ever becoming a mother. I thought I was in way over my head. I still occasionally feel that way... but it's getting better.

My DD had a ton of food issues. I was down to lamb, squash, pears, and rice for awhile. I am glad you cut out dairy- maybe soy is another issue. I like the suggestion of a chiropractor too.

If you can, try to meet up with another mom with a high needs baby... or find a support group in your area. That did wonders for me. You are totally NOT alone. I remember one night when we had guests over, I was sooo embarrassed because DD was just a mess and crying and in so much pain. I cried that night more than she did.

Get her checked out if you can to make sure there is nothing medically wrong. Then perhaps eat gentler foods so that your baby can digest things better. Try a probiotic too- that helped us a lot. And, if your insurance covers a chiropractor, that is another good option.

[Red Pajama]

Do you swaddle you baby? I found that for two of my three children, swaddling helped calm and comfort.

[TSomm]

Thank you all, mamas!

I scour these boards for ideas and am so thankful to have you all. I just needed to get my thoughts and issues off my chest last night.

She has her 2 mo appointment tomorrow so I'll bring up the reflux/GERD idea.

Yes, I have read the high needs thread and know I'm not alone. I wish I knew someone else locally though...

Yes, I'm jealous of the moms who sip coffee in the mall while their LO's stare off into the world. So jealous.

BUT, yes I know it'll get better. I can't wait. I keep saying she'll be happier when she can walk/talk. I hope to pick up a baby sign language DVD from the library and hope to start that with her soon. Hopefully she can tell me her needs earlier. (How many mean looks will I get walking through the library with a noisy baby?)

I was hoping to not have to cut out soy as I'm vegetarian already and soy is a good protein source for us. But I may give it a shot.

We'll get through this... I'm just eager to be on the other side.

Thank you all!

ETA: Oh yeah, we do swaddle DD. We figured that out very early and I'm so glad. My tiny bit of sanity is that she DOES sleep well once she's out for the night. She went to bed at 9:30 and didn't stir until 4:45.

[lellian]

Just offering you a few hugs! Been there, done that. . .and at 12 weeks we still have those EXACT days. For us it got better around 8 weeks, but we still don't go out and socialize like other new moms. DD is just too alert to tolerate it. What happened to the idea of newborns sleeping all the time?!

Hang in there, mama. Hugs and more hugs.

[GoBecGo]

Another BTDT mama here, i could have written your post except that i was a single mama to boot.

My DD is now 4 years old, bright as a button, makes friends everywhere she goes, is VERY verbal, VERY advanced and just so.much.fun.

For us things improved in stages...

Mobility made a huge difference (she crawled at 10months, stood at 12 and was walking well at 14)
Communication too (we did baby signing and she was able to say "milk" "more" "hugs" "bath" "wet" and "hungry" at about 12 or 13 months, which made all of our lives much easier)
Independence was what she wanted. Not total independence, but she wanted to be able to say and do what SHE wanted, and once that became more realistic, between 2 and 3, she just turned right around and became such a sunny entertaining kid.

Hang in there, i'm pregnant right now and kind of terrified i'll get another high needs one, but it's definitely balanced out with the knowledge that they grow up into cracking little people, once they make the difficult path through the "helpless" stage they seem to resent so much.

[Friday13th]

Do you have an exercise ball? If you don't, get one immediately. I spent most of DS's first several months with him in a sling bouncing on the ball while I went on MDC. It kept me sane.

And it really does get better, as frustrating as that is to here. The first few months are by no means my favorite but by the time they're one it seems like it was such a brief period of time.

Hang in there!

[marispel]

Are you on any sort of routine? Nap & feeding wise? Our DS was a mess and I too was at the end of my rope. He just always seemed fussy and it was TERRIBLE. My DH couldn't handle him which didn't help me any!

A friend of ours recommended this "baby nanny" who comes in for 3 hrs and helps you set up a consistent routine. She basically said that babies thrive on routine. The word "routine" will get me a lashing, but I'm here to tell you that once we got DS on the routine it was like night and day! Everyone started commenting on what an "Easy" baby he was. I had to laugh because in the beginning it just wasn't that way.

For us, it was getting our DS to nap longer and then eat when he woke up. We worked at getting him to eat as much as possible at each feeding (this helped to eliminate snacking). Then we had activity time (going for a walk, tummy time, singing songs, etc). After about an hour or so of him being awake we would swaddle, turn on the sound machine, rock for a minute or so and then put him in his crib. He would nap for around 2 hrs. Then we would wake him, feed and activity.

Basically, we just kept up the consistency of these daily activities. Once DS started napping longer he was incredibly happier!

....BTW....it does get better and better!!

[hildare]

people tell you it will get better because.. it will.
folks don't know what to say- there isn't any advice for a lo that age, because they do cry. a lot. almost all the time they are awake.
i know as a ftm, i was NOT expecting it to be like that. i, too, thought i was going to lose my mind.
wearing the baby was a help.. quitting dairy/soy is probably a good thing. when the babe gets old enough to be distracted, going outside and walking lots will help.
what helped me cope, mostly, was remembering that:
babies cry to communicate. no other way for them to do that at that point.
babies are trying to organize so much, it's hard to be "on the outside." Try to replicate that, dim lights, etc. when you can. snuggle close.
if you can barter, trade, or beg for someone to come and help you for even 30 minutes at a time.. drink some tea, or take a bath.
and.. it really will get better. you are doing a wonderful job.

[Juvysen]

DD was sorta like that (but maybe not to the same extent) and my grandmother gave me a copy of the "happiest baby on the block" video. IMO, you can use his techniques in a very AP way, so maybe it'd be worth it to take a look? It was a total lifesaver for me. There's a book, too, but who has time to read when you have a newborn? Besides, watching him actually DO it, seems like it's easier to "get" what he's talking about...

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

:

My first child was like that. I think he really just didn't like being a baby. He's much happier and easier to live with now that he's a toddler, and his baby brother is and has been the most mellow, sweet, laid-back little boy.

I wish I had better advice for you. Just hang in there!

Yeah I think that many high needs babies really just don't like being a baby.

[boobs4milk]

at least she sleeps. i got zero sleep until dd learned to side-lie nurse about 6 wks ago. then, she started only wanting me, no one else, not even dh. i can get 30 mins a day, broken up into 5-6 sessions when she is entertaing herself. she is hnb #3 for me, so i must have permanent, recurrent amnesia

[lily7]

It will get better, but some difficult babies stay difficult. Nothing is ever easy with my DS2 who is now 8 months. I think that just his brain is way ahead of where his body is.
I always tell myself I got this difficult baby because I take care of him the way he is, when some other parents could have been doing CIO etc.
One advice I can offer is to just go with the flow, dont fight it. You can waste a lot of energy trying to figure out things and try different things but I found out it cost me more energy to do this then just do what my baby wanted me to do. I know it is tiring.
For Moby, you could try a barstool that turns sideways, this is the only way I was able to sit down with my LO while he was in Moby, He was not feeling sitting down thing since the bar stool is high sitting and then I would turn side ways, that way I was able to browse internet, do some work and watch TV. Also I would watch DVRed shows while walking with him in the carrier, but not much since I had a 2 year old as well who I couldnt let watch some shows. Also mei tai carrier (babyhawk) may work better for you since there is no fabric on the head. But my DS hated his legs crunched in it.