They say it'll get better... - Page 2

[larzanna]

Yep, this was my baby for about 3-4 months, it was hell. If we had not turned a corner i would also have sworn off more kids.
But it really did get better....3 months it took. He still is not easy, but he is happy, and that makes a world of difference!

I just recently took in another baby for childcare, he is a mellow easy baby, WOW what a difference!! I SO hope for an easy one the next time.....

Also, take your LO to the chiropractor, i swear it worked! he would be in a better mood afterwards.

-L

[Quinalla]

It will get better, but yeah, I know my daughter is going to be a lot happier to play by herself once she can move on her own. She gets so frustrated/bored with not being able to move much to get things and before she could grab things, she needed constant entertainment if she wasn't eating or sleeping, so yeah no sitting for me either beyond feeding. I napped when she did as much as possible, often with her to keep her asleep longer, and just got through it. Also, my Mom came and helped a lot too. Now that she can grab things, she entertains herself for 5-10 minutes at a time now. And yeah, the sling was and is a lifesaver for me as at least I can entertain her with my household chores as long as I am moving pretty often.

But yeah, I still haven't taken her "out" except to the grocery store, to see people at my work, and walking around outside. She just isn't content to sit around and never has been. I just keep telling myself she is too smart for her own good Oh, and yeah I have been showing her the sign for milk to start the sign teaching process as I think that will help a lot for her to communicate.

[Kelly1101]

Three months was the magic time for us. The colicky stuff ended abruptly, she started sleeping great and formed a fairly consistent nap schedule, her whole outlook changed.


Hang in there. You can do it.

[BlueWolf]

As you can see, there's a lot of us who have BTDT. I could have written your post word for word.

My DD is 9 months old. Have things gotten easier? No, not really but I've gotten better at handling stuff. The first three months of my DDs life were hell for me and I do not ever want to repeat them. Combine a HNs baby with PPD and it's just not a good combo.

Things got better once DD could sit up and play a bit independently at 6 months. She's working on standing/walking right now, and I think things will continue to get better once she has that down. She's frustrated with her lack of ability to communicate her wants/needs and her lack of ability to do things herself. People keep telling me that its horrible once they learn how to crawl or walk, but I can't wait for it because I know it will help to relieve some of her frustrations with life.

She's still a horrible sleeper and napper. But what helped me stay sane was keeping a routine. It's a flexible routine but it helps me feel like I have a semblance of control.

Getting outside has saved my life more than one day. If it's raining, I'll pack up and go to the mall. She loves people watching, so once she could sit up and look around, she enjoyed being in the stroller. Until then, I wore her in my Moby wrap and then my Ergo when she outgrew that.

My husband travels M-F, so I've been on my own since she was 3 weeks old. I can completely relate to your frustrations.

Hang in there momma.

[sunnygir1]

Hugs, mama!

I agree with pps that you might want to try chiropractic or cranio-sacral therapy. Especially your comment that she doesn't like the sling on her head makes me think she might have some head/neck pain.

Both of my babies had pretty bad colic, but maybe not as bad as your lo sounds. Dd got better around 7 months, and ds got better around 4 months. Dd loved the stroller, but it didn't work with ds. I finally got a yoga ball wish I'd had that with dd! My back still hurts when I bounce him to sleep for an hour, but at least I can sit down and watch a movie (with subtitles if he's screaming) while I'm doing it.

I know you don't need more things to do or to stress you, but you might want to consider an elimination diet, or at least eliminating more of the common allergens as you mentioned. I did an elimination diet to varying degrees with both of mine. It didn't make it go away, but it did make it better. I was able to eat everything again by 8 months with dd and 5 months with ds.

Best of luck, and hang in there!

[jess152]

Aww, I've totally been there. It's not easy in the beginning. I don't know if it's ever easy, but it gets to a stage where it's a manageable part of your life. I was also one that said ONE kid, that's it! It got better and along came #2. Going from no kids to one kid was a HUGE transition. Going from one kid to two kids was a breeze.

Cut yourself some slack and don't you dare feel guilty! What you're going through is probably what 90% of moms (not just new moms either) go through. You are brave to admit it, rather than keep it inside, thinking you are doing somethign wrong.

Join a baby/mommy group ( in addition to coming on here!) and find someone who will listen. Put the baby in the stroller (or carrier) and get outside for some fresh air and exercise. It's good for both of you! All of those contraptions are things she has to get used to, so if it seems she doesn't like it, go for short stints, like around the block and gradually increase it. Also, be sure before you head out to have her in a fresh bum, fed & watered and a hat on. ((hugs)) from someone who's been there!

eta: I think it's a universal law that babies in carriers want to be on the move. Ask any mama!

[nola79]

Well, my dd is average needs, but I do relate to a lot of your post. At least once a day I am putting her in the carrier and just pacing my living room, it's the only thing that'll keep her quiet. She will be 10 weeks on friday, and her temperment improves every week. Each week she can be pleasant awake for a little while longer. One thing I did figure out is that she LOVES to be outdoors. She'll stroll for an hour outside, won't for even 10 mintues in the mall! Hates the stroller indoors. Go figure. I have to carry her through the grocery store, etc.
Your dd does sleep awesome for her age, that in itself is very much a blessing.
Also, just wanted to say, my ds was that easy baby, the baby you could take anywhere, and now he is high-energy, INTENSE 7 year old. So, it's all relative. If you're not going through it at one stage, you are at another stage.

[miami mommy]

My DS was still pretty unhappy when he was 8 weeks old and every week I was hoping that this would be the week he would turn around. He got better around 14 wks. He's 5 mo now and he's so much better, but still not easy. It's been rough, but he has so much personality and I feel like I'm reaping the rewards of giving him extra tlc and attention.

Here's what really helped: nightly baths especially if he's grumpy because the water calms him down, bouncing on an exercise ball with him in a sling, significant dietary changes (no eggs, soy, or chocolate, and limited dairy). He reacted really strongly when I ate a stir fry with a bunch of tofu. Eggs were tricky for me because he has zero tolerance for them, so that was the end of cakes, muffins, and most cookies. He seems ok with me having a bowl of cereal with milk, a cup of yogurt and a little cheese everyday. Beans are now one of my best protein sources.

Side-lying nursing at night has bought me extra sleep. Sometimes I barely wake up when he needs to nurse, I just get him positioned then fall back to sleep.

Good luck! It will get better, so hang in there!

[LadyCatherine185]

that time in DS's life is such a blur to me because he was very high-needs, crying/fussing, etc all the time like you described. He had really bad reflux, as well as a dairy intolerance. Once we got those things figured out and treated (he had to go on Prevacid for a few months) things got a little better. He was still fussy, but not screaming. Once he started crawling around 6 months, things got a little better again. Once he started walking around 9.5/10 months, things got MUCH better and have been getting better and better since.

[wombatclay]

My dd1 was intense, but nothing prepared us for dd2. I joke that I love her but that this could be stockholm syndrome. Seriously. From day one she has been a firestorm.

I had to leave my job in part because she would scream non-stop if I wasn't holding her. DH could barely touch her, other people could hardly be in the same room. If I was just a few inches away, or in the shower, or another room she would scream till she choked. At night when I put our older dd to bed and showered dh would walk her, screaming till she passed out in his arms, then waking and screaming again. It was torture for everyone involved. I am so glad she wasn't our first because I think I would have doubted myself even more... and as it was I doubted myself a lot. But I kept pushing because she was just so much MORE intense/needy than any other child I'd ever met.

She was eventually diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (difficulty regulating and understanding stimuli), reynaud's syndrome (an extreme sensitivity to temperature shifts), chronic sever constipation, and a possible sensitivity to gluten (her sister has celiac, and while dd2's test came back negative the gfree diet has helped her too). Occupational therapy for her and an understanding of SPD for the rest of the family has made a world of difference.

Like pp have said, it does get better. It may take a lot of time and effort, but eventually your little one will be able to explain what is going on inside. ASL is a great idea, and a check up to rule out (or in) GERD/reflux along with food allergies is a good idea too. Ask about a referal to Early Intervention... it's a free program that will evaluate your little one and (if there is a need) provide services to help them develop on track (dd2 got her therapy through EI at first). And maybe grab a few books like Raising a Sensory Smart Child, Raising Your Spirited Child, or The Out of Sync Child?

Good luck and hang in there!

[TSomm]

Wow Mamas!

I really did not expect such a volume of responses to my little rant. I certainly see I am not alone and am so thankful for your support, stories, and suggestions.

I would like to mention that I had a really rough day on Tuesday when I originally wrote that post, but Wednesday was spectacular. She was actually pleasant. Still hard, but pleasant. It was her 2 month birthday and... she rolled over! From belly to back. It wasn't a fluke because she did it three times. I took it as a sign that there is a silver lining in every cloud.

Hugs to all. Thank you so much for being here!

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by TSomm

Wow Mamas!

I really did not expect such a volume of responses to my little rant. I certainly see I am not alone and am so thankful for your support, stories, and suggestions.

I would like to mention that I had a really rough day on Tuesday when I originally wrote that post, but Wednesday was spectacular. She was actually pleasant. Still hard, but pleasant. It was her 2 month birthday and... she rolled over! From belly to back. It wasn't a fluke because she did it three times. I took it as a sign that there is a silver lining in every cloud.

Hugs to all. Thank you so much for being here!

maybe now that she can move she'll be less frustrated? Anyway, hooray for silver linings!

[greenbeanmama]

High needs babies are HARD. Especially when all your friends have absolutely no clue what it's like.

My first babe was high needs. I'd already raised a sister, and had nannied full-time. I knew my son was different, and was so sick and tired of people telling me it was my fault. (I didn't put him down enough, I shouldn't co-sleep, etc). I spent a lot of time in tears.

My son is still not an "easy" child. But, at three, he is a really neat kid. He's super smart, he asks the most thought-provoking what-ifs, he loves to snuggle, and he's such a great companion. And hey, he is the only three-year-old I know who routinely puts away his toys without being asked.

If it helps any, I've read that high-needs babies often grow into adults who form closer relationships with other people and who are less "thing"-oriented.

[Louisep]

I had a hn baby - now a wonderful, hilarious, engaging and smart 15 month old. All my friends had easy babies. I felt alone, confused, exhausted and had negative feelings about being a mother. Things got better around 4 months when ds started interacting and "giving back". He hated carriers until 4 months and then would only face out (this can be common for hn babes). Now he's a carrier pro though.

I found that he could only be awake at most an hour up until about 4 months. He needed lots of naps (a classic catnapper though). He has always been happiest outside - do you get out at all? I know it's hard but even just round the block.

He crawled at 5 months and instantly things became easier. He walked at 8.5 months, again things got easier.

He remains to this day needy (unless he's outside and then he doesn't need mama at all!). I still wear him a ton. Sleep improved around a year.

Once I stopped wishing for an easy baby I was able to appreciate the gem I have. I love that he's so aware and never had that vacant stare into the distance of easy babies.

You will adapt and learn how to cope and accept and then LOVE love love being the mama of a hn child.

In the tough moments I always pick up my copy of the Sears hn baby book "parenting your fussy baby and hn child" and instantly feel better.

I believe we're raising some special people who will make an impact on the world