Advice for really low stress EC

[Flower of Bliss]

Ok, I didn't plan to EC my 7 month old DD. I have an only mostly PL 3.5 year old DD. We spend lots of time out of the house (parks, play dates, Kindermusik, errands, etc). I'm not up for mess and extra laundry from missed pees and poos. I'm a perfectionist with a serious guilt complex, and I do not want to start feeling guilty if my baby pees in a diaper

DD wears fitteds and wool, which we love. However, she wakes up dry from naps (and even in the mornings pretty often!). I would often go to change her diaper and find it dry. So, I've started bringing her to the potty instead of waiting for her to pee. If I make the pish sound with her on the potty, she pees almost immediately, and she is THRILLED So, I'm thinking she wants this I'm just sitting her on the big potty with a potty seat (we already have them on the potties for my 3 year old, so it's pretty easy).

Any tips? Should I just do the timing thing upon waking? I've read next to nothing about EC, and I have a stack of books to read already. I want this to be positive and easy going. I can not be introducing another stressor right now.

[Heidi74]

I don't have many answers for you, since I'm new to this too, but I wanted to say that your situation is a lot like mine. I started part-time ECing DS2 about a month ago, when he was 7 months old. DS1 is 2 1/2 and we have just been through the potty training thing with him. He is out of diapers, and we have the potties around the house from that, etc.

I noticed that DS2 often goes several hours without peeing, and that he so obviously enjoyed the times I put him on the potty, so I too have started doing a low-stress version of EC. I'm basically following the plan in the book "Diaper Free Before Three" with the exception of using cloth diapers instead of disposables and trainers.

I put him on the potty when we are home, any time he wakes up from nighttime or naps. If we're out of the house, I haven't done anything about it yet. Not sure if I will. Also, I typically give him a little bit of nakey-butt time when we're home (usually while I am cleaning the kitchen and he is on the linoleum), but most of the time I put him in a fitted diaper without a cover. This is the part I feel really good about, because I know I am now changing him as soon as he wets. DS1 would often go around for a long time in a wet diaper because I didn't know he had peed, and he peed right after I changed him.

The other thing I do is that when I do notice that he needs to poop, I put him on the potty. Again, I only do this when we are home...at least for the time being. Maybe I'll start adding more times, but for now this is fine.

If I'd known it was this easy, I would have started sooner.

[theboysmama]

We are out and about a lot and ec has worked really well for us. I started by keeping her in waterproof diapers than moved to waterproof trainers than to underwear. I kept a bblp on the diaper changer so I offered every time she was changed and I changed her every time I noticed she was wet. I also offered when she woke up and right before I would nurse her to sleep. I kept a bblp in the car and would offer when I put her in and/or took her out of her car seat. Keeping her in waterproof diapers or trainers will eliminate the mess and allowing opportunities to potty will minimize the diapers. If a diaper is wet, so what just change it, if you get a catch than great.
Glad you can listen to your dd's lead.
Have fun

[JMJ]

One thing I love about EC is that you can make it what you want. Some people let their kids go diaper free all the time and try to catch every pee everywhere they are. Other people keep their kids in diapers all the time and just catch a few pees ore even just poops some of the time. I guess eventually our kids will all be diaper free all the time and put all eliminations in appropriate places.

We're in the diapers most of the time camp. We have carpets, and I don't have enough clothes to get peed on very often. I'll let DD go diaper free some of the time, but it's usually when she's just emptied herself out pretty well, not when I think she might go on the floor. We offer based on timing, signals, intuition, and at diaper changes. We do EC while out and about, which is actually one of DD's best times. A lot of people find out and about more stressful, so it's all about what works for you.

It is good to work to keep your own emotions in check so that you're not worrying about wet/dirty diapers. Enjoy your catches, and assume that misses are just no worse than any other CDing mamma has to deal with.

[hrsmom]

It sounds like you should just keep doing what you're doing. With diapers as "back up" you won't have any mess that you wouldn't have had if you hadn't done EC. Offering when waking is the best time to offer, in my opinion! The easiest catches for us, for sure. And like mentioned, you can do it however you want, as full time or part time as works for you all. It sounds like you're doing great!

[lexmas]

Oh mama, you are me, but with better sense.

I was what you don't want to be. Frazzled, stressed, and seriously guilty about using diapers. I ended up with the kid who didn't potty train until the week before he was 3, and made both of our lives miserable for awhile until I was willing to look at myself and say, "this doesn't make me happy, I'm not going to do it anymore.". DS was about 2.5 then.

BUT, I took my lemons and made lemonade. I quit full time EC, embraced diapers, and pottied DS when I changed his diaper from the time he was 2.5-3, and just made it his choice. In fact, for awhile I asked him if he wanted to use the potty and when he said, "NO!" I just changed his diaper. So with DD, I've done it differently. I sit her on the potty when I change her diaper. And she's peed or pooped pretty much every time for her whole life (she'll be 1 tomorrow). She's at the point now that when she's done she stands up and walks away. If she has to poop, she sits there until she does. And she's starting to come to get us when she has to poop at other times. Effort does not equal success! If it makes you and your baby happy, then continue as you are! If it starts to stress you out, then back off, and be happy that you know yourself well enough to make those honest judgements. Good luck!

[zoebird]

the best way to do this in a relaxed way is to keep your head about yourself.

you assert that you are a perfectionist with a guilt complex, so you need to keep that in mind. it *isn't* reality. it's your reactive pattern to things. so, you can choose not to be that way.

your best bet is to not worry about catches or misses. a catch is just a catch, a miss is just a miss. it's not "bad/wrong" to miss or "good/right/perfect" to catch. it's just what it is.

if you don't put any emotional weight or personal esteem into whether or not you catch, then you'll be less likely to get freaked out when you don't.

the truth is EC is about communication. it's not really about diapers or not diapers at all. it's just about communicating with the kid, honoring his/her lead in this process, and doing the best you can. it's not absolute--as communication generally isn't. somedays we communicate better than others, you know?

so, take the pressure off.

[pixiepunk]

really well said, zoebird.

for me, EC is a natural extension of the way i parent. in fact, the reason I started EC in the very beginning when my oldest was 9 mo was because i was watching some friends suffer serious stress in their relationships with their kids due to potty learning (and the kids were miserable). I EC to take the pressure away, not to put new/different pressure on myself. I've never let EC take over my life or my parenting, it is just a nice way to help my children maintain their elimination awareness, and it makes sense to me. it's not about the end result of complete potty independence, and it's not a straight line from start to finish in a continuous ascending line up the graph. just like your nursing relationship and your child's sleep habits and eating habits, what toys they like to play with or what books they like to hear, and everything else, it ebbs and flows with time. they are changing so rapidly - physically, cognitively, emotionally... nothing is constant. like zoebird said, it is what it is.

remember, too, that "graduation" from EC isn't a clear thing either and it's really not important. for most kids it's not a "suddenly they get it" thing, like it usually is with potty learning. they get it from the beginning. but how much help they need from you, how much they want to initiate, how much they can initiate, is all relative. i mean, my almost 5 year old has been a 'grad' for close to 3 years, but he still has trouble getting certain pants off without help (buttons are rough sometimes), and once in a blue moon he still has a miss - like 2x a year, and he's running for the potty. when he has a particularly messy poo, he still hollers for me to help him wipe. I don't think that typical expectations of potty independence are realistic. and again, it just doesn't matter. it's not the point. the point is awareness, communication, and respect. at least, it was for me.